Divinity Within

DIVINITY WITHIN - NEW DAY

2011-12-17T19:42:00.000-08:00

Day 46 of 108 DAYS - The first step in the "spiritual discipline" is the cleansing of the speech. Talk sweet without anger. Do not boast of your scholarship or attainments. Be humble, eager to serve; conserve your speech. Practice silence. That will save you from squabbles, frittering thoughts and faction.

Before you speak, think - Is it necessary? Is it true? Is it kind? Will it hurt anyone? Will it improve on the silence? Is the rule for speaking applicable to writing? I answered yes to the 4 questions but I realized that writing will not improve on the silence. But since my mind is not silent while thinking about this stuff, I figure I might as well start writing again, to release it and empty the mind. Since it is almost Christmas.....here are some thoughts:

"We have been told since we were children that "Jesus" died on the cross for our sins and that if we accept him as our personal saviour.... which you will only believe if you are lazy. And if you have an independent personality and you are a responsible person, you know you have to work, no one else can do it for you. Having a SAVIOR does not work because no one can take our sins(errors) from us. Our sins are just misalignments with the cosmic laws that get recorded in our DNA and balanced out with the law of cause, effect and consequences. Not one or one thousand "SAVIOUR" can change our lives if we do not choose at a personal level to tackle what we don't want to see in our hologram, and that applies to the whole of humanity."

"The Bible was not written by God. There is no original manuscript, not even in the Vatican and that the whole thing was likely to be the creation of the Nicaea Council in the Third century AD. Not even the books from the old testament were canonized at that time and they have no provenance or original manuscripts to certify that what is written corresponds to what happen in the historical period. Also, there are no records of any of the Christs which I found very interesting because the Romans were very detailed accountants and had records of superfluous information, let alone crucifixions!".

There are several main stream works by scholars that can assist you in elucidating what is what. The discussion about the validity of the records in the Bible has gone on for decades, if not centuries. One has to dig deep if one really wants the KNOWLEDGE.

There are so many wonderful sites and people on the net you can start with:

1. www.azuritepress.com
2. www.greggbraden.net
3. www.divinecosmos.com
4. wemustknow.net
5. lisa renee
6. david icke
6. www.projectcamelot.org
7. richard hoagland

Not everything will resonate with you. Some of the ideas on the sites may repel you, others might sound fascinating and still some may sound repulsive - just open your heart and mind and let the experience expand your horizon.

Day 5 of NOW - Here is my take on the previous links

2010-10-10T23:09:00.000-07:00

The first time I visited the azuritepress website, I was floored. There is too much information that went over my head. So, naturally, I closed the browser and went to youtube and watched Bewitched. I do that when I get stressed a bit or my brain start feeling being squeezed.

I checked the divinecosmos site and was really impressed with David W's extensive research and layman's explanation of the most scientific things in the universe. The fact that he collaborated with Hoagland with most of the planetary happenings and have the data to prove most of what you think is just theory is just amazing. The 2 hour videos of each and every planet, about pineal glands etc. is very informative.

Reading and hearing the webinar by GOD (Gerald O'Donnell) makes me want to dive into the void and really understand what he is talking about the Source, remote viewing and remote influencing training.

All in all - each one (Ash, David and Gerald) have a different style of presentation and seems like different path and different methods of getting their information from the One, the Source.
1 - Ash get hers through data transmission given to her live in front of an audience by the GA (Guardian Alliance)

2 - David get his information from the Source through dreams that he monitors and jot down as soon as he wakes up in the morning (and he has been doing this for years and years - meaning he must have a roomful of journals).

3 - Gerald does remote viewing and remote influencing

All of them subscribe to the LAW of ONE. That we should go to Source directly, not through intermediary. No one can save us but ourselves. You cannot pay someone, donate to someone to intercede on your behalf. There is an effort involve if we want to get out of here (this masked prison cell called earth - is but a hologram). Its far out mind-boggling idea but if you look at it closer and have an open mind and start questioning things around you - it is by far the best explanation of why and what and where and how we end up here and why we are still here.

The knowledge and information from all three somewhat complements, supplements and supports each others theory (if you want to call it that because you are still are still uncomfortable of calling it FACTS due to previous brainwashing we received from the school system, from the society, from church, from just about anyone outside of ourselves).

So, for now, give yourself a chance and immerse yourself in the sea of information that are presented by these 3 dynamic individuals in this planet. And let me know what you think - lets share and exchange some ideas.

Day 4 of NOW - I would much rather know, than be in the dark

2010-10-06T22:38:00.000-07:00

Check this out :

www.azuritepress.com
www.amentiproject.net
www.divinecosmos.com

Day 3 of NOW - What if again

2010-10-04T16:35:00.000-07:00

On Day 1 of Now - email from David, LOVE in attitude and responsibility was paraphrased as love the truth of the all-one-ness. Lets try to understand what is all-one-ness. Should there be at-one-ment before we can have all-one-ness? Pretend that we understand that all is one, meaning there is no other... is true, so loving that truth does not mean practicing that truth, loving it does not mean sticking to that truth, it does not mean believing in it.

WTF, there is no use writing because, what is real cannot be expressed, and even if we can somehow manage to express it, words are not sufficient to convey the meaning. Is transference of feelings/emotions enough to convey what we need to express? What is meaning? it is always tainted by filters that each and everyone uses depending on their experiences and beliefs.

WTF, writing used to be so easy but after experiencing soooooo much, it is now hard to convery meanings with just words, words as we know if is so limited.

I guess I have to stop for now and meditate or rather do some more silent sitting and find out what is the easiest way to convey meanings with just mere words.

byeeeeiii,
Joyie108

Day 2 of NOW - WHAT IF???

2010-10-04T15:52:00.001-07:00

Day 2 of NOW - What if .... there is no tomorrow? what if.... there is no yesterday? what if all we really have is NOW? naaaahhhhhhhhhhhh. if that is the case, then we just do whatever we want, no direction, no discipline, no goal, no hope, no dream.

I can kill someone I love or can be super nice to someone I hate, if there is no tomorrow - there is no consequence for my action, what do I care? But, where will the desire to kill or be super nice come from? where will the idea of loving someone or hating someone come from?

The only way "there is ONLY NOW" will work is if there is no memory. When you wake up every morning, it is a clean slate. But as long as there is memory, there will be a past and there will be a future to look forward to.

Whoever started the idea that ifs, buts and maybes are detrimental to one's progress? all throughout history, those who asked the ifs and imagine the maybes end up creating/inventing/discovering something that the others are afraid venture into. So, in actuality, we owe a lot to those people who were brave enough and have the guts to think and utter the ifs, buts and maybes.

So, let us start some ifs here:
1 - what if there is no memory, will we ever move forward or progress at all? what if there is memory but it is messed up, what good will it be?

2 - what if there is only One and that One is bored - but how can one be bored, if there is only one, where will the idea of boredom come from? What if that ONE is all knowing, all powerful and ever present - then, it already know that there is only one - it also know that even if it create anything within itself, it will turn to nothing once it turned off the switch of creation. there is a loophole in the idea of only One. Or the idea is not that simple and it really is very complicated but the ONE try to project that it is simple so the created will be led to believe that it is that simple and not question it, that way the ONE is left alone and can continue to create more complex equations.

3 - what if I stop this nonsense and find something better to do? Can someone give me a few suggestions?

And so it is, and so it shall be.

Day 1 of NOW - email from DAVID

2010-10-04T14:53:00.000-07:00

Day 1 of the NOW - this email was from

"David Lear" and I just thought it is incredibly wonderful rephrase of Attitudes and Responsibilities.

Hi Beloveds – I woke up this morning and was inspired to re-phrase the wording of the Attitudes of Mastery in a way that made it more of a personal affirmation:

1. LOVE — I Recognize and Love the TRUTH of the ALL-ONE-ness.

2. GRACE — I allow the Grace of the ALL-ONE-ness to Be what IT IS regardless of whether it suits me. I live in Perpetual Forgiveness.

3. GRATITUDE — In Gratitude I appreciate the ALL-ONE-ness and know It to Be my Alive-ness.

4. REVERENT - RESPECT— In Reverence and Respect I acknowledge and give without restraint to the ALL-ONE-ness.

5. RESPONSIBILITY — In Sacred Responsibiity I co-Create with, Serve and am continuously Responsive to the ALL-ONE-ness.

6. TRUST — I know and Trust the Power and Love of the ALL-ONE-ness.

7. ACCOUNTABILITY — In Sacred Accountability I abide in a state of TRUTH with the ALL-ONE-ness.

8. IMPECCABILITY — In Sacred Impeccability I Uphold and Protect the ALL-ONE-ness.

9. MINDFULNESS — In Sacred Continuous Mindfulness, I Love, Nurture, and Attend to the ALL-ONE-ness.

10. FEARLESSNESS — In Nobel Fearlessless I recognize the Eternal Infinite Nature and Unconditional Love of the ALL-ONE-ness.

11. ENGAGED DETACHMENT — In Open-Hearted, Engaged Detachment, I naturally permit the ALL-ONE-ness to BE. I nurture this Blessed State by seeing the Wisdom of refraining from Criticizing, Condemning, or Judging; this opens up Understanding and Validation of the IS-ness of the ALL-ONE-ness.

12. JOY — In Divine Blessed Joy I AM the Eternal Embodiment of ALL-ONE-ness. I AM THAT I AM.

In Loving Gratitude to ALL-ONE-ness,

I AM

David

Time Matrix

2010-06-25T01:10:00.001-07:00

What if a TIME MATRIX exist? And it just so happened that we are looking at it intently and then we noticed that in it is .... US. We are trapped inside the TIME MATRIX. And the fact that as we looked more intently, we feel that the part of us that is trapped inside, should be wanting to get out and be free and yet, it seems that it has no idea that it is trapped. We (the big US) can see because we are outside. But the ones inside the matrix (the little us) cannot, because they are inside and inside there are so many distraction that the matrix is not noticeable at all, in fact the matrix is disguised as part of a beautiful scenery that is so captivating - so who would want to escape from it? wouldn't it be much better to stay in it forever and be lost in its beauty and magnificence?

What can the big US do, to help the little us? How can we free the part of us that is trapped? Now is the time to think. Think and think well for in it lies all the verities and the realities of your existence.

LOVE is ALL THERE IS, LOVE is ALL WE NEED

2010-06-24T23:34:00.000-07:00

"We are all at risk of dying a slow and painful death unless we all unite across all mental and physical borders, change our ways, and ask for help and guidance from the One Creator.

Do not stay in denial much more. Enjoy all that you can. Be kind to each other and yourselves, and constantly express love to all that you possibly can in a Divine act of re-unification and compassion, across all barriers, across all old pains." Gerald O' Donnell

http://arvari.com/

http://www.probablefuture.com/GeraldKeytotheGameOfLife-3-15-2010.MP3

DIVINITY WITHIN - Day 36 of 108 Days - "Will it hurt anyone?"

2010-06-01T00:08:00.000-07:00

Day 36 - The first step in the "spiritual discipline" is the cleansing of the speech. Talk sweet without anger. Do not boast of your scholarship or attainments. Be humble, eager to serve; conserve your speech. Practice silence. That will save you from squabbles, frittering thoughts and faction.

Before you speak, think - Is it necessary? Is it true? Is it kind? Will it hurt anyone? Will it improve on the silence?

It seems like the above is too much to do before we speak, for it is so easy to just open our mouth and just let whatever wants to come out, come out. But how often have we hurt anyone or made anyone uncomfortable by what comes out of our mouth?

There is a young couple who seems to care a lot about each other. But one day the guy called his mom and told her that his relationship is hard because his girlfriend always scream at him. To which the mom was almost shock (were they not best friends for years before they got involve in a relationship?) Mom asked how often is this screamfest? EVERYDAY. To which the mom told her son, no one deserve to be screamed at. You should not allow anyone to scream at you. To which mom said why do you allow it? Son replied "she just does". Mom said "then, you must end it". To which son said "I can't, she will kill me". What???

How is it possible that 2 people who cared so much about each other end up in such a situation? Granted she must have some challenges at home, screaming is probably a way of venting. But, why not talk sweet without anger? Why not be humble, eager to serve; conserve speech; practice silence. That will save anyone from squabbles, frittering thoughts and faction.

Before you speak, think - Is it necessary? Is it true? Is it kind? Will it hurt anyone? Will it improve on the silence? But nooooo. We just scream because it feels good. Is it necessary to scream? nooo. Will our screaming hurt anyone? it always does, in one way or another. Will screaming improve on the silence? Of course not. Screaming causes noise pollution.

Let's just do some analysis. Let us say that the guy grew up in a household where the father always scream. Since the mom practice non-violence, the father was never stopped from the screaming habit. And the boy grew up to be a man, hating the father (or his screaming ways). That being the case, that screaming idea is always in the back of his mind. So, if and when he accepted his father for who he is (a screamer) and forgive him and forgive himself, the vicious cycle ends right there and then. But since, he hated his old man's ways, "what he resist, persist". So that screaming has to manifest through the girlfriend. Love is the answer. If they truly care about each other, they have to be willing to change - for the better.

Both of them have to realized that their first step in the "spiritual discipline" is the cleansing of the speech. Then, they have to learn to talk sweet without anger. And they have to be constantly aware of their love for each other and that love should not hurt, and anything that hurt or that is uncomfortable should be remedied at once. Love is easy, love is sweet, love is good, love is comfortable, Love is kind and screaming is not kind.

Love is all. And so it is.

DIVINITY WITHIN - Day 38 of 108 Days - " What exactly is your duty?...."

2010-05-31T22:39:00.000-07:00

Day 38 - It is said that we have 5 duties. Here is the summary: First, tend your parents with love and reverence and gratitude. Second, speak the truth and act virtuously. Third, whenever you have a few moments to spare, repeat the name of the Lord, with the form in your mind. Fourth, never indulge in talking ill of others or try to discover faults in others. And, finally, do not cause pain to others, in any form.

Wow, the first one is easy, the second takes a bit of effort, the third - you have to know who is your Lord, the fourth needs constant awareness and lastly, not to cause pain to others in any form needs integration of awareness and directing mind, body and soul to be at one with every living beings. But what is pain? pain for me might be pleasure for someone else. What is living beings? Are they any form or entities with life?

One duty is enough, two is a struggle, three is almost a burden. But to have 5 duties and do it constantly??? who can do it?

DIVINITY WITHIN - Day 35 of 108 Days - ".....Wisdom to know the difference. "

2010-05-24T16:26:00.000-07:00

Day 35 - Wisdom indeed. Don't we all desire that from time to time? And those who seem to have it all the time have a responsibility to share it with others.

A guru in India once said that of all the masters, sages, saints and sadhus who are staying in the Himalayan mountains and caves and have acquired all this learning and wisdom of all ages have to, one of this day, come down from the mountain and share their wisdom. And from the look of things and the information that is available from the media and the internet, it seems like that day is already here.

Why then, are we not taking advantage of all the wisdom that is now available to us? Why is it that the general population would much rather watch the ball game or "Dancing with the Stars" or "American Idol" etc. than acquire the wisdom that has been hidden from them for so long?

It is my belief that we are creature of habits - we have been trained by the media, by society in general (that is dependent on the economy) to do what we have been trained from childhood - watch TV, feed our brain with media info for it is much easier to digest what the media is feeding us than to retrain our brain into acquiring new information and filtering that information and make a decision base on WISDOM, to know the difference between the things that we can change and the things we cannot change.

Change - didn't I write about this before? Ahh, yes - something about the law of change and man is under that law. So why are we not changing? Let me sleep on it, and will continue this tomorrow for it is now 2:20 in the morning.

Be Well for now, and so it is.

DIVINITY WITHIN - Day 37 of 108 Days - " Try to conduct yourself in such a way as not to injure others."

2010-05-23T15:59:00.000-07:00

Day 37 - Can we conduct ourselves in a way as not to injure others and yet in doing so, we injure ourselves?

" Try to conduct yourself in such a way as not to injure others."

Yes, indeed. I am writing from experience. I have done this so many times and in the process, injured myself - seriously, that it may take twice as much time to recover from the injuries and harm that I inflicted on my self trying not to injure others.

A friend once asked me if I know what "grandiosity" means. When I asked why? he said because that is what I am. I was totally shocked. But, when he explained, I found that I had 5 of 8 of the Narcissistic criteria for grandiosity such as:

The person believes that he/she does not need other people.
The person believes in her/his invulnerability.
The person regards himself/herself as unique or special when compared to other people.
The person regards himself/herself as generally superior to other people.
The person behaves self-referentially.

So, I have grandiosity which made me conduct myself in such a way as not to injure others or hurt them in anyway because I believe that I can handle the hurt/pain/suffering while the other person must be protected by me because he/she is a weakling or rather had suffered enough. Or perhaps it is the old belief system of brainwashing that Catholicism inflicted on their members - that we must all suffer e.g. :

Rom. 5:2-3 - Paul says that more than rejoicing in our hope, we rejoice in our sufferings which produces endurance, character and hope. Through faith, suffering brings about hope in God and, through endurance, salvation.

Rom. 8:17 - Paul says that we are heirs with Christ, but only if we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with Him. Paul is teaching that suffering must be embraced in order to obtain the glory that the Father has bestowed upon Jesus.

Rom. 8:18 - the sufferings of the present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. We thus have hope that any sufferings we or others endure, no matter how difficult, will pale in comparison to the life of eternal bliss that awaits us.

2 Tim. 1:8 - Paul instructs Timothy to share in suffering for the Gospel. Suffering is not to be asked for, but it is also not to be avoided. For the sake of the Gospel, it is to be embraced.

2 Tim. 2:3 - Paul says to take our share of sufferings as a good soldier in Christ. Sufferings atone for the temporal effects of our sin.

2 Tim. 3:12 - all who desire to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted. But this persecution unites us more closely to Jesus and repairs our relationship with God.

2 Tim. 4:5 - Paul instructs Timothy to endure suffering to fulfill his ministry. As evangelists, we suffer with Christ for the Gospel.

The above Bible verses are just few of the hundreds that talks about suffering. Suffering is not to be asked for, but it is also not to be avoided. Our sufferings produces endurance, character and hope.

Perhaps so, but as I looked back, all it did was caused me more pain and more suffering and more injury to my mental, emotional as well as physical health. What an injury inflicted upon oneself just because we were told that suffering purifies us and prepares us for union with God and further our growth in holiness and spirituality. What BS is that? to the point that most people suffered physical and mental health in hope of eternal bliss in another life?

Dear reader, if we are to analyze the saying "Love your neighbor as yourself", it would mean that we can only give what we have. We can only love our neighbor as much as we love ourselves. We hate our neighbors because we hate ourselves. The measure of love that we give others is the measure of love we have for ourselves.

I will " Try to conduct myself in such a way as not to injure others " and in so doing I will make sure that I do not injure myself either.

DIVINITY WITHIN - DAY 34 of 108 days - " Friendship is the expression of unshakable LOVE, LOVE that is noble, pure, free from desire or egoism."

2010-05-23T15:58:00.000-07:00

Day 34 - All good relationship should be based on friendship. Once I was told that to be a good lover, you have to be a good friend first. Why then when lovers separate or go their separate ways, it seldom ends amicably? If it was base on friendship first, should that friendship last no matter what? And if friendship is the expression of unshakable love, why then taint it with desire and turn it into a physical relationship?

" Friendship is the expression of unshakable LOVE, LOVE that is noble, pure, free from desire or egoism."

I was at the car shop having my car serviced and there was this guy with a face like the ones depicted in the mayan artifacts with a perfectly triangular nose and he has a salt and pepper hair that is a bit curly on top and the side and extra long, long in the back all the way to his waist. As we were both waiting, and we started talking I mentioned that I was hungry coz' I have not had breakfast yet. And he casually said that since they are still waiting for the parts for his car, he can take me to a restaurant so I can have breakfast. And so we did had breakfast at a Mexican place - chile relleno and rice and beans and guacamole.

We talked about so many things and we just keep on laughing about things and it feels like we were old friends. And for the next few weeks, he seems to call me whenever I was feeling down and casually asked if I want to have brunch and when whenever my response was that I don't feel like going out, he will just nudge me a bit saying that it will do me good to go out and get some fresh air. He doesn't even make as much as all the other friends I know and yet, not once has he allowed me to pay for anything. He always say "Save your money for your son, my kids are all grown up". And he can say the meanest thing in the nicest way. Like if I tell him how good or smart I am and that I know I am beautiful inside and out, he will just blurt out that yes, I am really that ugly and when I pretend to be shock, he will say that he knows that I know that he knows I am beautiful inside and out. And we will just both laugh out loud. Right off the bat, he just say he loves me and misses me etc. etc. and I just accept it because it feels like it is pure and free from desire or egoism. If anyone else will tell me that on a first date or even the second time we meet, I will right away brush it off or deliver a lecture on "uttering words that we really mean" and by using it in a casual context, it loses its meaning or that 'your word is your bond - I will hold you to it'.

Anyways, after having brunch with him the fourth times, he casually said that he has been thinking of me and nothing else ever since he met me and that not once has he thought of anything negative. I would guess that since I have been venting on guys who wants nothing but sex, when he says negative, he means nothing dirty. Okay, sex is not dirty if put in the right perspective. So, it is quite a change when someone can just be friend - no pressure, no condition, no pretenses, no limitation on how to act or not to act, to impress or not to impress. Just be.

Another thing that comes to mind is the friendship that is establish between a parent and a child. Once we establish the boundaries of parenting, when the time comes that your child needed a friend, you become that friend - with unshakable love, love that is noble, pure, free from desire or egoism. Just thinking about it, makes my eyes water for it brought back so many memories of when as a mother I get very upset that my son is not performing his duties and yet when the phone rings at 9:30 p.m. and he is on the other line in Champaign, IL while I am in Palm Beach (working as usual) and he informed me that his girlfriend broke up with him, I have to be his friend whose shoulder he can cry on. I have to switched right there and then from being an upset mother to a friend who is there for him no matter what, a friend who is ready to listen, just listen without offering or suggesting a solution or ideas - for that is all he needed at the time, just a friend who will listen. I remember many nights when he called and tell me that one of his friend had a problem and they needed someone other than their mother/father who will just listen and just say some words of wisdom to alleviate their pain at the moment. And so, as soon as he put the friend on the phone, I have to switch from being Jay's mom, to just a friend who is there to listen.

What about our relationship with our siblings? When does being a sibling switch to just being a friend - many times, I tell you. You will know it because, there are things you cannot tell your siblings but you can tell a friend. When you start telling your siblings what you used to talk about only to your friends, you have switched. For most of the times, the things you do with siblings are those you somehow believe is your duty base on blood relation. But remember "Love without duty is divine". You learn to love your siblings and be their friends and stop doing things because it is your duty as their siblings.

Yes, indeed. I know what is friendship as the expression of unshakable Love, Love that is noble, pure, free from desire or egoism. And for that experience, INFINITE LOVE AND GRATITUDE ALWAYS.

Be Well, and so it is.

DIVINITY WITHIN - Day 33 of 108 Days - " Do not use poisonous words against anyone, for words wound more fatally than even arrows. "

2010-05-23T15:57:00.000-07:00

Day 33 - My mom had a favorite poem that she used to recite to me and wanted me to memorize it -
"I threw an arrow into the air, it fell to earth I knew not where,
I breathe a song into the air, it fell to earth I knew not where,
Long, long afterward in an oak, I found the arrow still unbroke
And the song from the beginning to an end, I found again in the heart of a friend."

Do not use poisonous words against anyone, for words wound more fatally than even arrows.

I remember as a child (probably less than 7 yrs old), my mom did something that I didn't like or care for and I was so upset about it that I remember saying something like 'I wish you were dead' or 'I wish you die soon, if not right now'. And I remember hearing older siblings and other kids said the same thing. Where did we learn that? Definitely not from TV or radio or the newspaper. Was it inherent in us to utter such a dreadful curse on someone so near and dear to us? I could understand using poisonous words against someone because they already learned the art of meanness all throughout the years of growing up and constant interaction with the rest of the human race. But a child less than 7 yrs old, how does it know how to be mean - oh fine, perhaps I heard it from my older siblings but ... regardless, words really wound more fatally than arrows. And yet, as adult if we can't hurt the other person physically, we hurt them with words.

I met a physicist who have nothing but good words about his ex-wife and his ex-girlfriend. I can see a trace of sadness and hurt when he talked about how both ex decided to move on and left him and yet all he has are sweet words. How fascinating indeed. I remember my ex-husband is the same thing, everyone else tells me that he has nothing but good words about me and yet, at home, he seems to go out of his way to say mean things and verbally abuse me and my son.

I don't get it. We all know about all this good things and wonderful things that we are suppose to do and say. We all know about RIGHT ACTIONS, then why for goodness sake are we not practicing it. Why do we keep hurting one another? When will we ever learn, when, when, when?

DIVINITY WITHIN - Day 32 of 108 Days - " When heart is bound to heart, heat of argument finds no place. "

2010-05-23T15:55:00.000-07:00

Day 32 - How many times have we heard or read about a fatal incident resulting from " heat of argument"? Many unnecessary shootings that end a life due to a heated argument? How many lives have been destroyed, families and friendship broken and who knows even war started because of an argument.

"When heart is bound to heart, heat of argument finds no place."

Does it mean that when there is a heated argument, heart is not bounded? Whatabout between husband and wife, girlfriend and boyfriend, even father and son? Was there not a famous singer Marvin Gaye who was shot by his father during a heated argument? How is it possible that the son's heart was not bounded to the father's heart or vice versa?

DIVINITY WITHIN - Day 31 of 108 Days - "God is the life-breath of every soul."

2010-05-13T01:34:00.000-07:00

Day 31 - What is a soul? A soul is the eternal part of a living being, commonly held to be separate from the body. Many philosophical and religious systems teach that humans have souls; some attribute souls to all living things and even inanimate objects (such as rivers); The soul is often believed to exit the body and live on after a person’s death, and some religions posit that God creates souls.

The soul has often been deemed integral or essential to consciousness and personality, and may be synonymous with spirit, mind or self.^[2] Although the terms soul and spirit are sometimes used interchangeably, soul may denote a more worldly and less transcendent aspect of a person.^[3] According to psychologist James Hillman, soul has an affinity for negative thoughts and images, whereas spirit seeks to rise above the entanglements of life and death. The words soul and psyche can also be treated synonymously, although psyche has more physical connotations, whereas soul is connected more closely to spirituality and religion.

"God is the life-breath of every soul"

If some religions posit that God creates souls, then it is understandable that God is the life-breath of every soul. If soul may be synonymous with spirit, then perhaps soul is the divinity within, so of course God is the life-breath of every soul since that divinity is God.

The question is how do we experience that life-breath, how do we experience that divinity within? Some never experience it and do not care. Others experience it once in their lifetime and are satisfied with it. While there are those who wants the life-breath every moment of every day of their lives.

And I am one of those who wants to experience it every moment of everyday. And I am one of the fortunate ones who's been given the chance to be born to experience it. The challenge is from time to time, I forget or rather I allow myself to be distracted that I become unaware of the moment.

What then is SOUL? Since soul may denote a more worldly and less transcendent aspect of a person and it has an affinity for negative thoughts and images, whereas spirit seeks to rise above the entanglements of life and death then, that is why I sometimes get distracted and become unaware. Since I am in the body, the pull of the body to the soul is stronger than for the spirit to be constantly be in divine awareness.

So, I try to be more tolerant now. I become more understanding of people, things and event. I try not to go into judgment although at times I still fall into that mire but I try not to stay in it for more than an hour. Really, it should be 10 minutes and no more, else you become muddied in that quagmire and you might be trap for much longer than you want to be.

I even signed up on Gratitude Log and tried it for a few days as a form of discipline. But, I did not last on that discipline long enough to change my habit of falling into that 10 minute stuff. It does not matter anyhow. I am still fortunate to be given the chance to experience the moment. And for that I am very grateful.

DIVINITY WITHIN - Day 30 of 108 Days - " Service springs out of LOVE and it scatters LOVE in profusion. "

2010-05-13T01:10:00.000-07:00

Day 30 - Service to men is service to God. Why so? If God is spirit and the divinity in me is the same divinity in you, then the closes I can serve God is to serve my fellowmen. Not just my countrymen, not just my fellow Americans but ALL MEN. It is said that there is only one race, the race of humanity. Now is the time, more than ever to do service, not just lip service but real service. As we witness what is happening to our society, to our country's economy, to the world in general, it seems that we cannot rely on the government or an institution to provide the services that is necessary to treat/keep/improve a condition from getting worse, to lessen the pain or severity of a condition in our community that affect individuals and family unit in general.

"Service to men is service to God. Service springs out of LOVE and it scatters LOVE in profusion."

I grew up with nuns and monks and missionaries in my family. One aunt was a mother superior but was demoted because she was so strict with her students that one of them committed suicide. I didn't understand it for if you are a teacher is it not one of the highest form of service? Why would she be so strict in performing her services as an educator that it caused someone to kill herself? What happen to love and compassion? Can we do service without it?

If service springs out of love and it scatters love in profusion, then what about all the services that we hear about by NGO (non-government organizations) and the fund raising they have on public broadcasting? do we see and experience the love it scatters in profusion? If not, doe it mean that the service did not spring out of love but rather from a hidden agenda?

Back to when I was a teenager and I was asked by my aunt (the nun) to go with her to the penitentiary to distribute donates to the prisoners. So, we stopped by the doughnut place on the way ( it turned out that they are doing service by donating the doughnuts). When we get to the penitentiary, my aunt told me that there is not enough doughnuts to go around so I have to cut it in half. But, as I was cutting it , I noticed that they are all moldy and I told my aunt about it, to which she replied " those criminals should be happy and grateful to get the moldy doughnuts, they dont deserve anything " and when I asked about the donor of the moldy doughnuts, she told me something profound at the time - "when you want to do charity, you have to have extra that you can spare for charity, without it...................."

That incident stayed with me for so long. Because I really believe that if we are to do service and give something (food, clothing etc.) it has to be something that we ourselves would want (if its food, we should be able to eat it too; if its clothing we are giving away, we should be able to wear it ourselves, too) else it is no use giving. And that we should not discriminate who we are giving service to. If we serve nutritious food to our rich neighbors during a party, do we serve anything less or should we give moldy doughnuts to criminals to punish them more? We are all ONE, so why do we discriminate when we do service?

Another misconception about doing charity is that you have to have money or anything extra when you want to do charity. If we really want to do service, we do not really need money, we just need a heart. Look at Mother Theresa, she did not have any money. All she had was a big heart that scattered love in profusion all over India and now the Sisters of Charity scatters LOVE all over the world.

One other thing I remember while doing service was picking up bread from different bakeries so I can distribute it to the communities who needs it. One time, I was so sick but no one is available to pick up the bread, so I did it anyways but after finishing up the distribution, a few people came to me and told me that some of those picking up bread that we ration are driving fancy cars and are probably just there to sell the bread to buy alcohol or drugs and that they don't really need it. A lot of times if we are not practicing "constant integrated awareness", when we hear negative thoughts and ideas from others, we get affected and we react with the same negative intensity. But upon further analysis, if and when we believe that service to man is service to God and that if that service springs out of love, we are not there to pass judgment to those who come (the recipient off the services we provide. Once we give something, it now belongs to the receiver and it is up to them to do what they want with it. This is like saying - we have to be detached from the fruit of our actions. That being the case, when Service springs out of LOVE, it does scatters LOVE in profusion.

DIVINITY WITHIN - Day 29 of 108 Days - " The nature we have around us and with us is the vesture of God. "

2010-05-13T01:08:00.000-07:00

Day 29 - The nature we have around us and with us is the vesture of God.

We have evidence of His Beauty, Goodness, Wisdom and Power all around us; wherever we turn our eyes. But the art of recognising Him is strange to us and so we deny Him and live on in darkness. We have all around us, in the atmosphere, the music emanating from all the Broadcasting Stations of the World, but they do not assail your ear at any time. You are not aware of any Station; but, if you have a receiver and if you tune it to the correct wavelength, you can hear the matter broadcast from any Station; if you fail to tune it correctly, you will get instead of news only nuisance! So too, the Divine is everywhere above, around, below and beside, near as well as far. To be cognizant of it, you require not a machine but a mystical formula potent with a psychological undertone. Concentration in meditation is the fixing of the exact location of the Station in the Band; Love is the correct tuning in; realizing the Reality and the Bliss it confers is the happy clear listening!

How fascinating indeed to have a happy clear listening.

DIVINITY WITHIN - Day 28 of 108 Days - " All things in creation are subject to the law of change, and man, too, is subject to this law. "

2010-05-13T01:02:00.000-07:00

Day 28 - People hide things from each other, if we can read each other's mind wouldn't it be easier because we do not have to second guess? if we are honest with ourselves then it would be easy to be honest with others, isn't it?

I wrote this after watching a movie about 2 people who professed to love each other dearly and yet one lied to the other claiming "what you don't know won't hurt you" and yet it always does because once we lied, we have to cover it up with another lie. But, what about those who tell the truth and those who claimed that "truth hurts, but it is better for you to know the truth". So???
lie or tell the truth?

"All things in creation are subject to the law of change, and man, too, is subject to this law."

If that is the case, that we are subject to the law of change, then what is a lie and what is the truth? If it is said that truth is truth and it does not change, then, should truth not be subject to change too? unless of course, TRUTH is not a thing in creation.

On day 27, it is said that Ritam is a higher than Sathyam. Sathyam is truth and Ritam is ABSOLUTE TRUTH and it transcends both good and evil. It s changeless and has no attribute.

So it is that when we refer to Truth here on earth, we do not really say that it changes. What we say is "FROM TRUTH TO HIGHER TRUTH" and that the highest truth will be the absolute truth. Let us say I am in first grade and I know that 1 + 1 = 2 and that is true for me. But if I am told that 1 - 3 = - 2, I will say that is not true because I have not learned it yet. As I go to higher grades and study higher mathematics, I go from truth to higher truth.

So, what about lies ? is it really a lie or can a lie be true? Let's go back to relationship. If all things in creation are subject to the law of change, and man, too, is subject to this law - then why do people look or search for a lasting relationship - if all are subject to change, then nothing last forever. When 2 people make a commitment and recite a marriage vow such as "...to love and to cherish, till death do us part", it is impossible to fulfill such a vow because we are subjected to the law of change and there is no escaping it. Why then do people accused each other of telling lies when at one time they professed their devotion and loyalty and the next minute they switched their allegiances? Is it because we were told all this lies that there is such thing as forever when in fact there is none - well, there is a forever changing thing but not a forever lasting.

Okay, are we clear on this then, that there is no such thing as lies, because in reality all is truth to higher truth? Isn't this more freeing, more relaxing, much easier to accept and enjoy than setting up conditions of everlasting whatever?

I know, can we just agree to disagree for a bit? You can keep accepting that there are such things as lies and I will believe that all is truth. All I am trying to do is give you an option - what if.... open your mind to possibilities, there is so much out there that if you are just flexible then you do not have to be stuck in your miseries, no need to suffer, no need to be in pain. You can continue to feel it but by opening up to possibilities, you are giving your self a choice, a choice to be boxed by the conditions and limitations that you agreed to or to be out of the box and free to be what you want to be - all is acceptable, no conditions, no limitations.

Be...

DIVINITY WITHIN - Day 26 of 108 Days - "Your life is really like a tapestry...how beautiful you have become"

2010-05-12T03:10:00.000-07:00

Day 26 - I read an email and somehow the happenings in the last 24 hours just compounded and made me react and I replied in a way that the sender was offended. I then send another email explaining why I wrote what I wrote and apologized for any hurt I caused and that I didn't mean it the way she understood and took the context. But rather than accept it, she lashed out with anger and frustrations and all the sarcasms she can muster and stating with such finality the following:

"I will not allow you to disturb my peace. Goodbye.

I do not wish to have any contact with you . Believe what you want to believe. That is your choice.

In the end , LET US SEE WHO SLEEPS SOUNDLY AT NIGHT. GOODBYE."

The good thing is she stated that she will not allow for her peace to be disturb. I am very happy to hear that. The sad thing is - it seemed like she did not read my email at all, it seemed like she was reading a letter in her head for when I wrote "you and I" she only seemed to see the "I". How many times have we done this, seeing only what we wanted to see, hearing what we wanted to hear, and yet when our anger subsides and we give ourselves a second chance, we realized that what we thought we saw was not really there. But because we allow anger to come into our hearts, then it added colour to our vision and we then see what is not really there.

Our vision of the world is a reflection of ourselves. This is really profound and yet if we are not ready to accept it, we will again point a finger at someone else just to make us feel better. How often do we tell ourselves that we are a victim and there is a victimizer out there - why do we do it? In reality there are not victims and no victimizers. But if we believe that, then the story ends and we want to story to continue else we will not be able to play our parts. So, no matter how messy this life seems at times, let us see it as a tapestry and look at the finished product. Let us see how beautiful we have become.

"Your life is really like a tapestry. You look at one side and see all the disconnected and loose ends, and say, 'What a mess my life is!' God sees the finished product on the other side and sighs, 'How beautiful you have become!"

And so it is.

And so it is that I stopped writing because on day 25 I wrote "Think before speaking; Think before acting; Then go ahead, If you feel good about it. "

And then on day 26, I did think after reading that email and I thought about replying to her and I did not feel good about it and yet I replied anyways. I broke the commandment - go ahead only if I feel good about it. That is why I stop writing. I could not relate to someone having so much anger in their heart that they cannot see reason. I could not relate to someone who would rather bury the love in their hearts and not choose forgiveness but prefer to lash back and and laced their sarcasm with venom (knowing full well that they are hurting, why then do they continue to do it? if this masochist attitude programmed in our DNA, is there a way we can reprogram it if it does not serve us anymore?) What prevents us from acknowledging someones explanation and accepting an apology?

It is said that ANGER is the highest form of ego (EGO meaning Egging God Out), why then do people who who hold on to their anger for so long are the ones who vehemently deny that they are an egotistical being? I wanted to feel good again before going back to my normal routine of writing. I feel that people who are angry are really hurting. But how to reach them? How to alleviate their pain? Perhaps, they still need the pain - it is possible that the pain is serving some kind of purpose.

And so I let go of trying to ease other's pain if they still needed it. I let go of trying to make someone happy when they still want to linger in their misery a little longer. I let go of time that beholds me into writing when I was questioning the purpose of such. I did many things and it made me feel good, but not enough to make me write again. This situation just prove that life is like a tapestry. We are indeed disconnected and loose on one side - the side where the human eyes are looking at and yet we are all connected and finished/complete as can be on the side where the divine eyes is cast upon.

When I look at something and I feel anger and hatred, it must be the human eyes looking at the disconnected and loose side. If I am aware of such, why then will I want to continue feeling anger and hatred knowing that it will only perpetuate the view of disconnectedness and dissonance? Remember my friend who told me to leave him in his miseries for he wanted to wallow in it for a while? Remember the story of Indra who was turned into a pig as punishment and when Narada came to fetch him back to heaven, he refused for he enjoyed being a pig bathing in the mud and cannot comprehend that he was actually a god who came down from heaven.

All things that are good, all things that are bright and beautiful; these I should contemplate upon, these I should look at, these I should ponder. For...

I am light, glowing light, radiating light. God consumes my darkness transmuting it into light.

Let the light glow brighter and brighter, let it vibrate faster and faster.

Check this out: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PuSLqaW5W-8&feature=related

DIVINITY WITHIN - Day 25 of 108 Days - "Think before speaking; Think before acting; Then go ahead, If you feel good about it. "

2010-05-02T21:29:00.000-07:00

Day 25 - When we want to speak, we open our mouth and talk; when we want to do something, we go ahead and act on it. Do we think first before speaking? Do we think first before acting?
Do we ever think at all?

"Think before speaking; Think before acting;
Then go ahead, If you feel good about it. "

As a child, we always feel good about most everything. Then, the adult around us start admonishing us. We started hearing "don't do that, don't think that way, its wrong, no, no, no" - all this negative input being fed into our young mind and since we are young and we do not know yet how to fend for ourselves, we end up agreeing and accepting it. The challenge we now face as an adult is that those agreements we made a a child does not serve us anymore and since it is way back in our minds, it is somehow taking over our lives. We someone lost that "feel good" attitude. We become skeptical, we become jaded, we are frustrated, disappointed.

How do we go back to our pure self again? How do we know if our action is the right action?

If our intention is pure and selfless, born out of love; if it is based on truth and you think it will result in peace, then, it is a right action.

If we are continuously thinking what to think, thinking what to say and do - that would be too much thinking going on. And every thoughts, words and deeds will become so overwhelming that I would much rather just take a nap and not think at all.

It is said that true humanness consists of a continuous series of tiny acts executed with absolute sincerity and largeness of heart. That being the case, tiny acts is much easier to accomplish. And the last few days, I was able to accomplished that very easily indeed.

Since I heard from the grapevine (at the Abode of Highest Peace) that "The quality of one's feelings determines one's future" - I figure if I always feel good, then my future will be good. You see, when I think about the future, I do it in little chunk, just like series of tiny acts. So, for me future is the next few hours, perhaps the next day. The next week will be sort of stretching it a bit but next month or year is just too far away. This way, I get to think of future a bit, but I am still in the "moment". I still get to enjoy the "present". I do not go stray way beyond yonder like most people do. But....when I do stray - I think about when I am 80 years old and walking on the beach with the one I love. Looking at the horizon, admiring the orange robe of the setting sun. And I am happy, very happy.

I listen, a lot. Lately, I seem to retain much more information than when I was much younger. I also seem to remember about little things - though I seem to forget big stuff. I was talking to my sister and she reminded me about this "big event" and she said I probably don't remember. She is right, I forgot about it (because it was not a very good memory, it was not a "feel good" about it thought. So, of course, I probably erased it right after it happened. But when she reminded me, I got it back from the memory bank and it was very vivid and in great details - the good thing is - there was no emotional energy attached to it. That is very good because the charge was already removed, then there is no reaction to it. Remember I wrote about reflection, reaction and resound? Check it out again, must be DAY 9 or something.

Here is a trick: most of the things that happen to us whether positive or negative will leave an imprint in our memory depending on how much emotional charged we attached to it. So, the more charged, the more it affect us. And long, long afterward - during one quiet moment when we have to make an important decision, it will somehow take over and we wonder why we made such decision when we should have gone the other way - it is because of the emotionally charge long ago that was left in our subconscious. So, what we need to do, whenever we have some time to spare or nothing better to do - we should try to write down incidents in our life that we remember. We can start with the negative ones, the ones that made us angry, or sad or lonely or miserable. Write it all done. And then, one by one we bring it back into our memory with as much detail as we can remember and as we see it in our mind's eye (like looking at the computer screen and seeing the event in one of the browser). As we watch the past incident unfold (like watching it on youtube) in our mind's eye, we click on the minimize button and the one we are watching goes flat. (by doing that simple act, we remove the negatively charge emotion that we attached to the event). To prove that it worked, we maximize it again and look and see - check your feelings and you should not feel anything anymore (since the charge was removed).

You do the above for each and every incident that you remember whether negative or positive, the reason being is that every day is a new day, a new beginning. You do not want any past event to affect you anymore. The past is dead and gone. No use putting/wasting any more energy on the past and no use allowing it to take over your present decisions.

All for now. Let me know if you have any success in the process.

With Infinite Love and Gratitude Always.
And so it is. And so it shall be.

DIVINITY WITHIN - Day 24 of 108 Days - "Of all the forms of knowledge, self-knowledge is the sovereign."

2010-05-02T01:26:00.000-07:00

Day 24 - "In this world there are several branches of learning such as physics, music, literature, mathematics and art. Of all the forms of knowledge, self-knowledge is the sovereign. Without its attainment one cannot enjoy any peace."

Though one may gain renown and recognition in the world, one will not experience happiness without self-knowledge. Self-knowledge is that knowledge by acquiring which everything else is known.

It is said that self-knowledge alone can help us cross the sea of sorrow. Anyone can strive for and attain self-knowledge. Men and women, rich and poor, all are eligible to kindle in themselves the flame of spiritual wisdom. Distinctions of race and religion, caste and creed do not come in the way. It does not matter if one has no education, no grounding in physical sciences or is not well versed in worldly affairs. So how can we attain it?

It seems that the key is "strive for" - go all-out, do your best, do your utmost, make every effort, do all you can. Therefore, there is an effort involve in attaining self-knowledge. And it is not just an effort - it has to be your utmost.

Most people look for physical proof of reward if they are going to put an utmost effort to do something. Like if they are going to get up early and go to the gym to exercise, they expect to see the outcome in their appearances. If they are to work hard earning money, they expect to spend their earning buying luxury items to enjoy and show off to others. If a student is going to exert an utmost effort, he/she expect a good grade or a medal to show for it.

Yes indeed - there is no physical proof or reward for striving to attain self-knowledge. That is why so few are interested in attaining it. Most would rather attain good body appearance, good salary to buy a plane, work extra hours of overtime to enjoy a grand vacation, a nice house in a nice neighborhood, a vacation house close to the beach.

And at times like this when the economy seems to be downhill and lots of people are losing their jobs, getting laid-off or force into early retirement, first thing to do is worry about the next paycheck and struggle to get another job. Some says "shovel shit with a toothpick" to make ends meet and pay the bills.

Yes indeed. Few people will think about going within and strive to attain self-knowledge first and all things will be added unto you. So how did I do it? How am I doing it?

Perhaps I was fortunate that I was born rebellious. Or maybe I wasn't, perhaps my experiences as I was growing up forced me to rebel. And having that attitude made me question most things and whenever I read or encounter a rule, a policy, a procedure, a law, a regulation - I have to rebel against it.

If people are getting in line and waiting for their turns, I will say, the hell with it - I will go within. If I am sad or lonely, I go within and ask myself why and when I figure out what causes me to be sad or lonely, I will keep repeating the incident that caused such emotions until I learn to control my responses. When I started on the spiritual path, I checked and reviewed my progress after 6 months, after a year, after 3 years and 5 and 10 years. If I am not happy or satisfied with my progress, I tried to figure out what can I do to speed up my progress. I keep asking and asking and asking WITHIN. I try not to stop asking till I get an answer and when I get an answer that I am not convinced or satisfied, I asked again and again.

That is my process. I get to know myself. I got acquainted with my inner self to the point that when they talk about meditation, I feel like I am meditating 24/7; when they talk about prayer, every moment is a prayer. I could be watching a movie, or driving or in the washroom or taking a bath or cracking jokes or chatting with my sisters or friends, or crying or resting or getting so tired doing something and still I feel I am communing within.

What is the peace, what is the happiness that comes from self-knowledge? If acquiring self-knowledge, everything else is known - what is that everything that is known? NOTHING.

EVERYTHING IS NOTHING and NOTHING IS EVERYTHING.

DIVINITY WITHIN - Day 27 of 108 Days - IN HONOR OF RITA : " A step higher than Sathyam is Ritam as proclaimed in the Vedas."

2010-05-02T01:22:00.000-07:00

Day 27 - After May 2, I stopped publishing for 10 days, but I kept writing drafts after drafts of which I could not feel the essence of divinity. On the 1oth day I felt the urge to write again and I wrote about the "tapestry". Then I could not continue again. Even after I was urge by friends and some followers of the blog, I just couldn't continue and days dragged on again until this morning which is the 9th day when I wrote on twitter that "I am harnessing the energy within so I can publish on the blog again".

After lunch, I decided to call a dear sister in spirit who lives in Edmonton and after chatting for a while, she just blurted out - "Why did you stop writing? How can you let one's opinion or email affect you that you stop and to think that you have some great comments on your blog?" I told her it was not anyone's opinion or email, it was about reaction, reflection and resound. I was writing something and the very next day, I am given the situation or event that made me "proved" or "disproved" that everything I wrote is practical enough to be practice by anyone. That it is possible to be "Perfect as your Father in Heaven is Perfect". That we are not sinners. That we are not lame or dunce or stupid. That we cannot continue saying "I am only human" - for we are not, definitely not - "We are divine, having human experiences". Let us manifest our divinity, now and forever more.

So it is, that after talking to my divine sister in Edmonton that Rita called me. I told her that I do not feel like getting out of the house and she told me to come by and see her after work. And I asked her about some favorite food of mine and she said she will stop by and get it on the way home. I told her its okay and not to go out of her way.

As in the last few days and weeks, around 5 pm I send her a txt telling her that I don't feel like getting out of the house, I will just go to bed early (LOL, I have never been to bed before 2 am in the last few years). She then txt'd me back ' so you are not coming anymore?' to which I decided to pick up the phone and call her instead of more txt msg back and forth. I told her I am not coming and she just said that she got my favorite food and she already warmed it up - to which I said " I am putting my clothes on and I will be there in 20 -25 minutes".

So simple. As I was driving to Rita's house, I remember most of the experiences I had in life when I or the other person did/did not say what they did or what they meant to say and in turn caused a big misunderstanding or pain or suffering. I remember some of the movies I have seen or heard and books I have read when 2 people did not communicate the truth (in thoughts, words and deeds) that caused a rip in the silky fabric of the relationship that a patch would only make it worst.

And I thought of Rita, what a perfect relationship I had with her. I remember her telling me that I hit her in the head with a magnet when we were little and that the blood was oozing and yet everytime she tells me about it, there was no anger, no malice, just a perfect matter of fact. And I could not own up to hurting her for I cannot remember the incident no matter how hard I tried. And she never forced me to own up to it, she just love to tell me matter of fact what she remembers.

I thought of Rita and her wonderful ways of always of doing things and helping people and trying to fix things and yet most people misunderstood some of her ways and get angry with her and remain angry with her. But it never bothered her even when people get angry or whatever their reactions are. She continue to be who she is.

I thought of Rita and the maid who used to iron her skirts and blouses. Rita always redo the ironing because she wanted the pleats to be perfect. Her skirts are almost like cardboard because she put so much starch in it so the pleats wont disappear. Rita who always have to make sure the pleats are perfect by refolding it before she sits on a chair. Rita who always have things in order and account for every penny in her receipts.

Why does it seems that Rita embodied perfection for me, why is it that my relationship with her is so perfect (for between us there are no conditions). Then, I remember reading one of the teachings in the Vedas a while back - it is about Rita or Ritam ( the Sanskrit somehow add m to the last letter of the word e.g. sathya becomes sathyam, ananda becomes anandam etc. I cant remember why - perhaps to make it purer or higher or something).

So, I wanted to honor her because just thinking of her make me want to write again, she brings out the best in me. In honor of Rita, I am offering her Day 27 of 108 days. And here is what I found out about her name, that is why she is who she is :

"Education is not mere knowledge, it includes action too. Education, which originates from within has a sound basis and is permanent. It is referred to as Sathyam. A step higher than Sathyam is Ritam as proclaimed in the Vedas."

"Ritam (absolute truth) transcends both good and evil. This is the one you really are, the Atma. You are a combination of body, mind and Atma. Body is subject to change. It is Atma, which is eternal. This is referred to as Ritam in the Vedas. It is changeless and has no attributes. It is described as attribute-less, pure, eternal, highest abode, permanent and unsullied. "

Rita, it is who you are. And I love you and thank you for being you.

DIVINITY WITHIN - Day 23 of 108 Days - "The joy one gets while promoting another's joy is incomparable."

2010-05-02T00:12:00.000-07:00

Day 23 - I feel so tired.

" FRIENDSHIP must serve as lids for the eye, as sandals for the feet. The friend must be "another Me". He must experience, in equal depth, the joy and the grief of the other. Friends must be like milk and water. Let Me elaborate this example. When milk, into which some quantity of water is poured, is placed on a burning stove, the water goes off as steam. The milk laments the separation and boils over. Then, the only way to keep it calm, is to sprinkle a spoon or two of water; its friend is back and it is happy. Milk cannot tolerate separation from its friend.

YOUR friends today attach themselves not to you but to your purse or to some advantage they can gain through your father's kindness. When your purse is empty or when your father is no longer in power, they bid you good-bye. Friends who drag one away into evil habits and vicious deeds, are prowling around in search of victims.

The joy one gets while promoting another's joy is incomparable. " SSB Discourse

Most of the time, as a friend, we experience the joy and grief of another but, not in equal depth. If we are to lament or cannot tolerate the separation from a friend, will that not be attachment? If so, is this not confusing to most people who is NOW practicing detachment and now read about this and start believing that we must not tolerate the separation from a friend? it is so contradictory. But, we must practice discernment and see the big picture and not take piece meal information and interpret it by itself. It would be reading a chapter in a book and making a conclusion when we really need to finish the whole book before me conclude anything.

So it is that most sacred book are now used in a way that people, nay the head of the organized religion make an interpretation of one line and jump 200 pages after and piece it another line together. That is why there is so much confusion in the world - let us see the big picture. Let us read the next paragraph and we then realized that true friendship is being compared to today's shallow kind of friendship.

Then, it talks about the joy one gets while promoting another's joy is incomparable. That is, if we learn the value of true friendship then we experience the joy it brings.

Now, this is beginning to be quite interesting. It is said "When milk, into which some quantity of water is poured, is placed on a burning stove, the water goes off as steam. The milk laments the separation and boils over. Then, the only way to keep it calm, is to sprinkle a spoon or two of water; its friend is back and it is happy. " - who poured the water into the milk, who placed it on the burning stove so the water goes of the steam? who then sprinkle a spoon or two of water so milk and water is back together again?

Do you see where am I getting at with this? There is that One who is doing all this. It may be safe to say that that One is the Source. That being the case, there is only One, there is no other - everything else is but an illusion.

There are those who think that the world exists and that the world is real.

There are others who think that the world does not exist and that the world is not real.

Rare indeed is that blessed one who does not think,

But who is ever calm, abiding in the Absolute.

by Nisargadatta

Be Well,

And so it is.

DIVINITY WITHIN - Day 22 of 108 Days - "The World itself is a great teacher, a constant guide and inspiration"

2010-04-30T19:55:00.001-07:00

Day 22 - My laptop didn't power up and since I just assumed that the battery is being charge while the ac adapter is hooked up, I was not paying attention to the % of battery life until it beeped to get my attention and I noticed there is only 2 minutes left. I even unscrewed the bottom portion and tried to tighten the yellow piece where you attach the power adapter but it was to no avail.

"The world itself is a great teacher, a constant guide and inspiration. That is the reason why man is surrounded and sustained by the world. Every bird, every animal, every tree, mountain and star and each tiny worm has a lesson for man, if he has but the will and the thirst to learn. These make the World a veritable University for man; it is a place where teacher and student both learn and grow together; where he is a pupil from birth to death."

When the IBM guy came and tried to fix it by putting a new yellow piece, it did not work either. I was told that since the mother board cost $400 and the yellow piece only cost $40, they sent the cheaper one first. And so it didn't work and I have to wait another day for them to send the expensive part. What a waste of time. If they just sent both and if one didn't work, the next item is available which would be a day saving.

So, for the first time in many, many days and months and years (5?) it was before midnite and I didn't know what to do. There is no laptop, no browser to type a search item or to google something.

I stared at the ceiling for almost an eternity and was beginning to count the number of shades that was casting a shadow on the ceiling when I thought about RV (Remote Viewing). And as I reflect on the RV steps - it was as if the whole ceiling became my laptop screen and I was staring at the browser. As I concentrate on the "center of my being", extend my body, raise my body 10 ft, 100 ft above the ground and then up to the galaxy and further and further away ... I realized there are so many steps while if I just have the browser constantly in my mind's eye, I can just type the address or the search parameter hit the go button and there I am where I wanted to be.

So yes, the world itself is a great teacher, a constant guide and inspiration. Whatever we are doing using our desktop, laptop, notebook blackberry and any other form of gizmo where we just type in what we want or what we are looking for and there it is, it spits it out in a few seconds - why not use it to do RV, RI and whatever else is necessary to practice the discipline needed for our crystalline body? How much longer will it take for the message, the lesson to sink in - as within, so without. Use whatever is manifesting outside inside (inner being) for that is where the physical manifestation started in the first place.

That is the reason why man is surrounded and sustained by the world. Every bird, every animal, every tree, mountain and star and each tiny worm has a lesson for man, if he has but the will and the thirst to learn. Sure, if he has the will and the thirst - but more often than not, he does not have the will or the thirst. Man is easily bored. He has been bombarded with diverse toys to entertain him that it only takes a few minutes/hours of playing time before he wants to change his toy again - in other words - the excitement wears off too fast that this newness becomes detrimental into perfecting something for he just does not have the attention span necessary to perfect a certain discipline.

If the World is a veritable University for man; if it is a school (place where teacher and student both learn and grow together) where he is a pupil from birth to death; why then does he not graduate? why does he keep coming back again and again? when will he remember what he already learned so he does not have to go through the same process again and again. What will it take for him to ascend to his rightful place in the hierarchy of beings?

? for now.

Be Well. Infinite Love and Gratitude always.

DIVINITY WITHIN - DAY 21 of 108 days - " Mind is like a clear mirror but it is made impure by our desires"

2010-04-27T20:35:00.001-07:00

Day 21 - This day started before midnite and yet I will start with 2 a.m. when I got a call from a couple who agreed to have finalize a transaction with me and since we are about to close our deal tomorrow, the call is to let me know that the husband does not want to go through with it anymore. I said Ok, alright, Ok. That is fine with me. And I hang up. After a few minutes, the wife called explaining the situation and I said it is fine with me etc. etc. I then went to sleep peacefully.

It was fascinating to look back and know that I was not perturbed at all nor upset nor angry. As I try to remember it, I was thinking about the ocean or any body of water that is calm and quiet and if someone throw rocks at it, it will create a ripple. But there was no ripple at all, so it cannot be compared to a body of water. The mind is like a clear mirror, without desire, you are just looking at the exact reflection as it is - no changes, no impurities, no imperfection - just as it is. And you look and look, and all you have is an inner calm, inner peace. Nothing bothers you for you see it as it is.

As humans, anything that is different from the usual, from the norm trigger some kind of emotion within us - but if there is no difference, no change, we even cast a second glance and then just move on to the next.

I went to the mechanic just to have my car check since I noticed it is already 71,000 miles. He looked at it, informed me about the front brake pads and rotor need to be replace and it will cost $385. I told him that I only have $200 available for now so, I probably have to delay it and wait a little while longer. On my way home, I talked to a friend who suggested that I get another quote from CarX or another shop which I did and I was shown that both front and back pads and rotor need to be replaced and that I should not try driving on the expressway, the quote was $300 for front and $400 for back. I thought about the first mechanic who only mentioned the front and perhaps 10 yrs ago, I would have been huffing and puffing but this time, I just thougjht that he is a businessman doing business and knowing I only have limited amount of money, he only mentioned the front. But would it not endanger my life not knowing that the back need fixing, too?

Again, I have no desire to fix or not to fix anything in the car - I was just going with the flow and what will be will be. Therefore, the mirror is still clear and all is well and there is no sign of impurities.

BTW, around 9 p.m. the friend I wrote about who wanted to stay longer in his miseries and who claimed he is genetically predispose/dispose to such - called and since I was talking to someone else, I let it go to vm. Again, no desire to correct or judge or convert him to happier disposition, so, I just let it be and did not even call him back. I am at peace and calm and collected.

ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

Now, as I am writing this, I asked why would mind be made impure by our desires? If to desire is to long or hope for and if hope is a belief in positive outcome related to events and circumstances - what is wrong with that? when does impurities come in by desiring?

Lets take the first scenario and add desire to it. Lets say I was hoping to consummate the deal, I wanted to believe in teh positive outcome whether it is for me or the other party. If I am looking in the mirror, the reflection will not be whatever it is anymore. The desire, the hope, the craving for positive outcome will be reflected in the mirror. So, even though it is a positive energy, it still changes things. A distortion is added into the image, there is a noise in the picture.

Lets take the second scenario. If I added desire to get it done and I do not have in my possession the money necessary to get it fix, then my hope and desire for a cheaper price will cause me to reflect a different image in the mirror. I would probably be wanting to project the mechanic as a nicer guy who can be manipulated by a sad story or by a sweet smile or whatever. A mere hope changes things. Is it good? is it bad? neither. It is just not pure as it should be. It is still pure in its impurities. If we want to accept that, so be it.

The third scenario would also added a different reaction, with the hope of a different outcome.

It is said that most holy/sacred books exhorts all men to pursue the same holy desire. All hearts must be charged with the same good urge and all thoughts must be directed by noble motives towards holy ends.

It is said that there are 4 goals in the scriptures, laid down for humans namely:
1 - righteousness
2 - wealth/prosperity,
3 - moral desire
4 - liberation

And so it is that humans try to reach, achieve, accomplish the four goals. But it is said that to simplify it, we can just try and achieve righteous wealth of (wisdom) and have a moral desire for liberation. So, 2 goals instead of four. I like that. It is much easier.

ALL ARE MANIFESTATIONS OF THE ONE.

DIVINITY WITHIN - Day 20 of 108 Days - "VEGETARIANISM"

2010-04-26T22:01:00.000-07:00

Day 20 -

"Today, let it be anyone, whether one deems himself a devotee or not, he should give up meat eating. Why? meat eating promotes only animal qualities. It has been well said that the food one consumes determines one's thoughts. By eating the flesh of various animals, the qualities of these animals are imbibed. How sinful is it to feed on animals, which are sustained by the same five elements as human beings! This leads to demonic tendencies, besides committing the sin of inflicting cruelty on animals. Hence, those who genuinely seek to become devotees of God have to give up non-vegetarian food. Calling themselves Sai devotees or devotees of Rama and Krishna, they fatten the chickens. How can they be deemed Sai devotees? How can God accept such a person as a devotee? Therefore, whether they are devotees in India or outside, they should give up from this instant meat eating. […] Therefore, those who aspire to become devotees of God must give up meat, liquor and smoking."

Sanathana Sarathi December 1994 p. 315

"I have been stressing the vital importance of people giving up this habit of eating non-vegetarian food even from my boyhood days. Meat eating fosters animal qualities in man making him descend to the demoniac level; it is a heart-rending sight to see cows being slaughtered to serve as food for man. The cow has been worshiped as mother in Bharat since ancient times... Cow-slaughter is reougnant to the culture of this country. The provision of drinking water to the people and putting an end to the killing of animals for food are two prime needs for the country to regain its pristine glory. Violence in any form is evil and to kill innocent animals in tantamount to blatant savagery. I bless the prime Minister (of India) and expect him to get there two things accomplished furing his tenure."

Sanathana Sarathi December 1994 p. 322

"... it is significant to note that those who live on vegetarian food are less prone to diseases, whereas non-vegetarians are subject to more diseases. Why? Because animal food is incompatible with the needs of the human body."

Summer Showers 1990, p. 34.

"Mother Easwaramma looked after her child [Sathya Narayena Raju] with love and care. Days rolled by and the child grew into a boy. He was mithabhashi and mithaahari (one who spoke less and ate less). Easwaramma was mystified by the strange behavior of her son. Usually children are fond of eating. Especially some people would prefer non-vegetarian items like fish or meat. But her son was totally averse to non-vegetarian food. He would not even visit the houses where non-vegetarian food was cooked. Seeing his noble qualities, Easwaramma realized that the child was not an ordinary one, but one of divine nature. Her eldest daughter Venkamma also recognized the divine nature of the child. Together, they brought up the child with love and care."

SSB, Divine Discorse on 23 Nov 2003

"In order to have sacred thoughts, give up the vices like consumption of non-vegetarian food, smoking and drinking intoxicants." (21 Nov 1999)

"There are certain habits. Members of the Organization should have some good habits. Jaisa Anna, Vaisa Mann - as is the food, so is the thought. As is the feeling so is the experience - Yad Bhavam Tad Bhavati. So we have to partake of food in a proper way. It is because of food that we have all sorts of durguna, duralochana and duschinta- bad habits, bad thoughts. So give up smoking. Also eschewing drinking. This alcoholism and smoking are ruining your health. One without health cannot achieve any small thing. Meat eating is also very bad. If you partake animal food, you will develop animal qualities. As is the food, so is the head. So you should have regulation of food. Then the fourth one is gambling. Those in the spiritual field should immediately give up smoking, drinking, meat eating and gambling. All these four are bad qualities.

You take this meat eating. Many people have to kill the animals because of your non-vegetarianism. You are responsible for the death of those animals. They are killed because you eat them. This is a sin. What a sin to kill innocent animals and eat them." (21 Nov 1995)

From the time of our birth till the time this body perishes, we are making many attempts to earn money and acquire food. In this process of amassing wealth, we are adopting means and methods which are adopted also by the birds and animals.

In the matter of acquiring food, different kinds of strength, abilities and skills are used by us but these very same skills are used by animals and birds as well. It is not right that we use all our knowledge and skill for doing just what the animals and birds also do. In the process of our spending all our energies in acquiring food, we are going far away from the aspect of Atma. For the purpose of feeding ourselves, many lives are being sacrificed. In this process of our searching for food, many things like trees, birds, fish and animals are being sacrificed. Because these various living things are being sacrificed and are merging with human beings, they have also been acquiring human lives in their rebirth. None of these Jivas are getting any chance of rising higher than human lives. The entire life is being spent in making an effort to be reborn after one's death, thus repeating the cycle of birth and death.

We are becoming slaves to the process of birth and death. We should not allow ourselves to become slaves to this process. We should make an attempt to become one with the great effulgent spirit.

Summer Showers in Brindavam, 1974

"On this sacred day of Vijaya Dasami take an oath to give up vices such as smoking, drinking and partaking of non-vegetarian food. Many do not realize the evil-effects of these bad habits. If a smoker blows air on a white handkerchief, he will find yellow spots on it. This is a sign of disease. Smoking leads to cancer. Drinking is a demonic quality. It makes you intoxicated and to forget yourself. Consuming non-vegetarian food is also a bad quality. When human body itself is made of flesh, where is the need to consume the flesh of birds and animals? You should partake of only sacred food. Only then you will have sacred feelings. For sacred thoughts and sacred deeds, sacred food is essential." (1 Oct 1998)

"The tongue should be engaged only in speaking the truth, in speaking sweetly and in consuming what is pleasant and wholesome for the body. Man degrades himself by consuming intoxicating drinks and non-vegetarian food and by indulging in smoking. These noxious habits affect the brain also." (6 Oct 1997)

"Nature can be modified by nurture; even dogs can cease to relish meat when they are trained to relish only vegetarian food".

SSS Vol XII, Chap. 36

"It is a fact that plants also have life like animals. But animals are endowed with mind, and nervous systems too while the plants do not possess the same. The animals cry and weep when they are being killed. It is not the case with plants; as such, equating killing of animals and destruction of plants is faulty logic. Further, killing the animals and eating their flesh leads to the creeping or dissemination of the animal qualities and behavior in to the man (meaning that man acquires the beastly qualities by eating animal flesh). Thus follows our acquiring the beastly qualities - tamasic nature - of the buffalos or the sheep. Hence, meat eating should be discarded.
Food conditions the nature of the mind. Mind guides the thinking. Thinking results in action. Actions lead to commensurate or matching results and effects. This chain of action between the food we eat and the results of our actions highlights the fact that meat eating leads to beastly actions and the concomitant evil effects."

The Avatar of Love, p. 132

"Acts and food which are to be eschewed.
Nishidda Karmas. These relate to acts which are to be eschewed. For instance, the spiritual aspirant has to observe certain regulations regarding food. He must totally eschew rajasic food like alcoholic drinks and meat. The nature of the food determines the nature of one' s thoughts,
feelings and actions. If one' s conduct is to be right and proper, one should carefully observe the
disciplines regarding diet."

SSS, Volume XXIX, Chap. 20

"There should be some regulations with regard to food. Many doctors emphasize the value of proteins and recommend meat, eggs, etc. But proteins got in this form serve only to build the body, but do considerable harm to the mind. Doctors are primarily concerned with the gross physical body. They pay little attention to the subtle form of the mental makeup. Most of the diseases that are prevalent in the world today are related to the mind. Mental illness seem to outnumber physical ailments. The Vedhaantha has declared that the mind is the cause of man' s bondage or liberation. This means that the mind has to be used properly and turned godwards. Equally the mind is responsible for health or sickness.
In this context, food is all important. Proteins are present in milk, curds and vegetables as much as in meat. If in the matter of diet, the doctors give the right prescription, diseases can be averted."

Discourse on 07-02-1993

"Meat is all right for those who concentrate on the body and want to have strength, but for spiritual aspirants it is not good."

Hislop, Jonh S., Conversation with SSB, p. 19

"You should not misunderstand and misinterpret what I say. It is my duty to convey to you the truth as is exist. Today the reason why the human population is increasing is because of the attitude of the people. For man to eke out his living to fill a small tummy of his, God has created plenty in the world. He has created a large amount of rice, a large amount of fruit, a alrge amount of wheat. While such good food has been created by Good, yet we go and eat meat and fish. And all the fish which we kill and eat are reborn as human beings."

Summer Showers in Brindavan 1977, p. 182

"Meat and alcoholic drinks take a heavy toll on man's health, causing many a disease in him".

SSB Discourse on 21-01-1994

"The third need is satwic food. This means that none of the edible items should be excessively sour, bitter or hot. You should eschew rajasic food like fish or meat. Even good satwic food should not be taken in excess. Some people consume so much of satwic food that even though it is satwa, it develops rajasic qualites. It is only satwic when you sit for the meal with a light stomach and get up from it with a light stomach! If you sit with a light stomach and get up with a weighty stomach, it becomes ramona."

SSB Discourse on 29-12-1985

"The third category is described as "Madhyapaanoratha daanavah" (One who is addicted to intoxicating drinks and meat eating and leads a sensuous life is a demonic being). Such a person is intensely selfish and has no feeling or consideration for others. A wicked person, swayed by evil motives and evil actions, is described as a demon."

SSB Discourse on 25-12-1991

"... with meat the body will get the proteins, but mental proteins will not be there. If you are keen on spiritual life, eating meat is not worthwhile; but if you are keen on wordly life, it is all right. There is another spiritual reason. When you kill an animal you give him suffering, pain, harm. God is in every creature, so how can you give such pain? Sometimes when someone beats a dog he cries, he feels so much pain. How much more pain then in killing. Animals did not come for the purpose of supplying food to human beings. They came to work out their own life in the world. When a human being is dead, the foxes and other animals may eat, but we have not come to provide food for those that eat the human body; we have not come for that ourpose. Similarly, man eats the animal, but the animal has not come to provide man with food."

Hislop, Jonh S., Conversation with SSB, p. 19

"Madhya paana ratho dushtah" (The demonic human being revels in intoxicating drinks). Eating meat and drinking liquor are demonic vices. Those indulging in drink lose all sense of propriety, have no compassion or love and become demons.

SSB Discourse on 03-07-1994

"How is individual transformation to be achieved? There are some bad habits among individuals such as smoking, drinking liquor, meat eating and gambling. These bad habits not only degrade the individuals but also inflict hardships on their families. These bad habits have to be given up for the individual to manifest his inherent goodness. One's personality can blossom only when he leads a mora life."

SSB Discourse on 07-02-1993

"Members of Sai Organizations should cultivate certain desirable practices. For instance, they should regulate their diet, because one's food influences ones thoughts. Smoking and intoxicating drinks have to be given up. They are ruinous for the health. Meat eating should also be given up because eating animal food promotes animal tendencies. The fourth evil that has to be ot rid of is gambling. Those who take to the Spiritual path should avoid as much as possible these four bad practices."

SSB Discourse on 21-11-1995

"It [meat] is not good for spiritual life which needs "mental proteins", and also because it means making an animal suffer and be killed."

Hislop, Jonh S., Conversation with SSB, p. 19-20

"But a little milk, butter and cheese are acceptable because no harm is done in obtaining them."

Hislop, Jonh S., Conversation with SSB, p. 20

DIVINITY WITHIN - Day 19 of 108 Days - "Strive for the happiness, the joy of all others, as earnestly as you strive for your own"

2010-04-25T17:49:00.000-07:00

Day 19 - April 25, 2010 - Sunday

"Strive for the happiness, the joy of all others, as earnestly as you strive for your own; strive for the peace of the world, as diligently as you strive for your own. That is true divinity, that is true humanity"

I am trying, really I am. But there are times when I seems to have this delusional belief that I can make a difference and I look around me and this person in front of me that just told me to leave him in his misery because he wanted to enjoy it a little longer, makes me feel that this is the fate of humanity (to wallow in misery) and I might as well accept it as my own and surrender gracefully - it is what it is and nothing can be done about it. Oppps...Sorry, I disagree vehemently.

I wanted to purge the toxins of unhappiness and misery from those around me and yet despite my tenacious efforts to do so, I am being told that I am too much for them because I am too happy and so much at peace when I should wallow in misery and unhappiness like they are.

So, what to do? Stay away. That is exactly what I did today.

A friend finally got the strength to break up with his on-again/off-again gf who'd been abusive for 5 years and he already have another gf on the side and he also realized that it is not working so he broke up with her, too. So, did not want to be alone on a nice sunday and I agreed to keep him company. Since I usually keep up to my name, I really enjoyed the brunch, the walk, even the talk and a good bottle of pomegranate wine. But, all this time he keeps saying he feels unhappy, kinda despondent and of course you can tell that he is miserable. I tried teaching him my happy, happy, joy song and he said not this time. And when I told him to snap out of it and pointed out so many things to be happy about, he said to leave him alone because he wanted to be miserable for a little while longer. That's it.

How can we "Strive for the happiness, the joy of all others, as earnestly as you strive for your own" when the others are not striving for it and does not want to put any effort at all. How can you do it?

How can we "Strive for the peace of the world, as diligently as you strive for your own. That is true divinity, that is true humanity". I am not getting this - how so if you are confronted with opposition here and there? You are striving and striving and the ones you are striving for are not willing. Do we give up? Do we stop being who we are? Do we allow other's action and attitude to dictate our actions?

I am who I am, I cannot be who I am not. I am peace, I am truth, I am love eternally. I am ever pure delight, I am always full and free. Fear and grief will never touch me.

And so it is.

P.S. Its a bit late but I just got this email from the friend I mentioned above:
"Just wanted to say sorry for being such a drag today. I'm feeling better now. I just sometimes get caught up in depression (its in my family genes), and its unfortunately not just a matter of talking myself out of it or singing a song...its actually a chemical imbalance in the brain, and it gets kind of stubborn at times."

My, my. What can I say. As humans who are brainwashed by what we read on the books and what the professionals tell us and what the society dictates - if it is in our family genes - then, it is. If it is a chemical imbalance, then it is. All I know is my own experience. I can talk myself out of it and I can sing a song or flush it in the toilet. AND SO IT IS.

DIVINITY WITHIN - Day 18 of 108 Days - "I WANT"

2010-04-23T23:56:00.000-07:00

Day 18 - A dear friend (a chalk artist) from Charlotte, NC read day 3 of 108 Days and sent me this:

*********************************************************************************

After we talked I sat here awhile and this came to me, maybe through the open window, maybe from the divinity within... I hope you like it...

For Joy...

It is going to rain and I want to share the rainy night with someone....
I want...

The night breeze through my window touches my skin and I want how it feels to last...
I want...

I write words and I want to express exactly what I think and feel, I want the other mind that reads my words to see exactly my thought...
I want...

I paint and I want my painting to reflect exactly my perfect vision, then, I want the viewer to use my imperfect painting as a lens to see my perfect vision...
I want...

I think and I want to speak, I speak and I want to be heard...
I want...

I see so much that I want to know...
I want...

I see a girl and I want to be with her...
I want...

I am here and I want to be there...
I want...

I am doing this and I want to do that...
I want...

I have and I want...
I want...

I am and I want to be...
I want...

I play my piano and I enjoy every note, every note is the perfect note for that moment, I feel that I am outside of the day and I am not sure if I have been playing for a few minutes or a few years. All I know is that...
I do not want....

It is going to rain and I want to share the rainy night with someone....
I want..."

************************************************************************************

It is so poignant and it resonate to the core of my being and I remember Sathya Sai Baba telling the story of a woman who claimed she wanted to merge with God. And she was asked if she is ready at that moment because she can merge right there and then and the woman was totally shocked and said no, she needed to take care of some things first etc. etc. - in other words, she voiced about something she wanted but when told that she can have it, she refused for she is not ready for it.

So, it is said that when we want something we say "I WANT....WHATEVER". If we remove the "I" which is the ego, we remove the "WANT" which is the desire, there we have whatever we want. It is always there. There is no need to want it. But by associating with the body, the ego "I" desire something and wants to possess it, own it. But since whatever it is has always been there, always is and always will be - then how can anyone possess it? And how can anyone exist if there is only one "I" not 2I or 3I or 4I?

The writer of the purple poem writes about sharing, lasting, perfecting, exacting, progressing, merging, knowing. All of the above is inherent in humankind. We want to share naturally because deep within we know that we are really all one. We always strive for lasting relationship, lasting feeling, lasting everything for inherently, we are aware that we are immortal - not this body, not this mind. We want perfection for that is who we are, and yet, because we are in the body, sometimes its harder to attain it and we end up giving up and settle for less than perfection.

All this wonderful, positive feelings, we should nurture and strive for but because we are bombarded by a lot of negatives from the outside, we get sapped into the world of negativity. Let us try the CIA - Constant Integrated Awareness and let us protect ourselves with the light.

I am light, glowing light, radiating light, intensified light.
God consumes my darkness, transmuting it into light.

Be Well,
I AM LIGHT

DIVINITY WITHIN - Day 17 of 108 Days - "What is important is that which comes from inside"

2010-04-23T21:20:00.000-07:00

Day 17 - what did you do today? what were your thoughts, what action did you do, what did you speak about? We spend so much time thinking, doing and talking of all the trivial things and we have no time for the really important things. What is the important thing?

"That which happens physically on the outside in terms of actions is not of major importance. What is important is that which comes from inside".

So, that which comes from inside is what's IMPORTANT. Not what happens on the outside. How so?

Here is another quote from SSB "The harder the circumstances, the more trying the environment, the stronger are those who come out of those circumstances".

Most of my adult circumstances seemed hard, harder than most people I know. And of course, the environment that I have been put through are very, very trying. And did I come out stronger? Strange but I have never thought of myself as weak - the word never cross my mind - that being the case, how can I say if I came out stronger? Since I never entertained the word "weak", I never entertained its opposite either. AHA - equanimity again - balance. Does it really mean that I always have equanimity?

Perhaps. If so, then it is easier to understand what it means when that which happens physically on the outside in terms of actions is not of major importance. What is important is that which comes from inside. Because if we are here to experience - whatever it is we decided we want to experience - things will then happen physically on the outside, meaning actions will be performed for our benefit (so we can experience) tho' most of the time, we cannot co-relate the happenings or incident because we still experience linear time, so we cannot see the big picture. If we can see and understand that the past, the present and the future is happening simultaneously, then it would be much easier to see and say "it is what it is, but it is not really" (divine dichotomy). What has to happen will happen.

If that is so, what is happening outside is just a reflection (of what is inside) - it is not of major importance. Reaction is what comes from inside - that is important because, your reaction will determine the resound and the next reflection. WHAT???

Ok, I checked most of the discourses and explanations (if any) re:reflection, reaction and resound. And the 3 are used together all the time. But, what does it really mean - how does it relate to the simple and trivial things in life? The way I am understanding it is that for every action, there is a reaction. And my reaction will then end up in my inner savings account. The next time something happen, it is just a reflection of what is in my inner savings account - so whatever happen, it is just telling me "Ok, here is your inner bank statement, what do you think of it?" Technically, we should analyze it, then balance it and if it out of balance, we must correct it. But, when something happen (statement is presented to us), we react right away instead of analyzing, balancing and correcting. And as mentioned earlier, reaction get deposited in the account. So we keep accumulating and accumulating without balancing and correcting. Still, we are given another chance by "resound" meaning echo. If we are not doing any balancing and correcting, we then hear the echo of that imbalance. If we still do not hear the echo and we continue without correction, what then?

First, by reflection we are reminded of what needs correction, second, by resound we hear the the discordant note and if we still do not get it, the third time, we get hit in the head. And it finally cracked, and we get the AHA moments.

This seems quite long now, and if this is still not digestible, we will probably take this issue for another round in the coming days.

All for now, with Infinite Love and Gratitude always,
I am - and so it is.

DIVINITY WITHIN - Day 16 of 108 Days - "The treasure that is precious is the quality of even mindedness in all situations"

2010-04-22T22:01:00.000-07:00

Day 16 - The treasure that is precious is the quality of even mindedness in all situations - I want that treasure. It seems that I have some of it but not a lot. And most of the times I can dig into the treasure and use it and enjoy it and then at times, when I needed it most it is gone - where did it go?

"The treasure that is precious is the quality of even mindedness in all situations".

If I am going to try and dissect the above, first there is the treasure, then there is precious treasure and of the precious treasure, there is a quality involve. And the one I want is the quality of even mindedness in ALL situations - that is the precious I want, indeed. And at this stage, it seems that I have to hone my skill for that even mindedness in ALL situations.

I thought about this and I was going to write about " the joy of being the master of senses " and I already wrote the title and the fonts and colors and then as I wrote day 16, I just started typing about the treasure... And I seem to remember I already wrote about equanimity. So I went back and found it on day 7. My first reaction is why write about it again, it would be the same thing and yet what stands out is the word "quality" and "all situations".

On day 7, I wrote on how I can practice and experience EQUANIMITY. I even wrote that I know that the emotions brought back by past experiences may come back and affect me but I already have the tools. And I am ready to put the tools into good use.

And so it is - Today, I have to put the "tools" to good use. I was in the basement and was folding the blankets that I washed when my angel came and with a raised voice and anger that was meant to check and see if I will put the "tools" to good use. I use part of it, but the reason for the anger seems unreasonable that out of old habit, I tried to reason out and then I realized, it is of no use to reason out with someone who cannot see reason so I just let it go. I called another angel to sort of vent and soon we were both laughing.

Then, as time passed by, I felt like it is day 7 again and I have to ace this test otherwise I will have to take it again and again until I perfected the process. Well (wishing well), I have to take it again because I let my emotion take over and the tears started to fall. WHY oh WHY? SOS SOS SOS SOS SOS SOS SOS SOS SOS.

I became attached to the body. A plate of shit was offered to me and if I refused to accept it, then the giver will be the one to stink but I accepted it later on and the shit started to stink that caused the emotion to well up and affected me.

I did not hear the song. There is no love, no duty, no miracle. Nothing happened. And yet there was sorrow and pain for within a short moment I identified with the body and my peace and joy went down the drain.

Amidst all this, I can still be a witness and I am well aware that JOY is an interval between two pains, meaning - there are more pain in this world than you can imagine. The joy in the interim carry us through the ups and downs of life. Is there no way to avoid the two pains and just have the joy? Who knows. Does it matter? It comes back to what an RV instructor once said - the reason we come back again and again (why we experience 2 pains and joy in between) is because we engaged in melodrama of life. Once we stop participating in the drama, the experience end. Was I engaging? Was I participating? Of course, I am here am I not? But...but...but...

But what? When I do not want it anymore, I will not be here anymore. Obviously, I am getting something from this, else it wouldn't be. The environment is not conducive right now but it is convenient for me. I am waiting for the sale of one building and while waiting, part of it is the melodrama. I just need to continue to hone my skills, use the tool and realize my HIGHEST POTENTIAL.

And so it is, and so it shall be.

I AM VICTORY, VICTORY, VICTORY in practicing EQUANIMITY in ALL situations.

DIVINITY WITHIN - Day 15 of 108 Days - "Seek out your faults and others' merits. Seeking others' faults is dire sin."

2010-04-21T23:21:00.001-07:00

Day 15 - what a day. April 21, 2010 - I finally reconciled to the idea that although I seem to know something, I really know nothing at all.

"Seek out your faults and others' merits. Seeking others' faults is dire sin."

As I write this things down, it seems that I am learning something and that I know something and that I am continually growing. I know nothing. I am just a flute. But sometimes if the flute is left on the ground, it end up gathering dust. Though it is hallow, a mere dust will cause dissonance and take away from the perfection of the music. As a flute, let me always be on the hand or the pocket of the master musician ready to be played and an instrument wherein the music flow through that brings heavenly bliss to those who hear.

For a while, I was not really seeking others' faults but I was looking at it and so I tell myself that the fault is blatantly obvious that even someone who is not really looking will notice it. I didn't know that the reason I am seeing it in others is because it is in me. Or I know but I find it hard to believe that the same fault is in me.

For so long I avoided getting a lawyer to settle things for me. Why? I tried to tell myself that the lawyer will send a sheriff or whoever to serve the notice to the house of the person and if I am also in the same house then the other person will direct his anger towards me. But then I also did not want to leave the house. I tell myself that I live here for so long and that I deserve to be here even though the environment is not conducive, I tried to persevere. I go beyond miracle, I exercise the power to create a flowery path, I considered that the past is history, I practice equanimity, help ever hurt never, let the different faith exist, forgive, be detached, watch my thoughts, words and deeds and ....make sure not to build houses on bridge of change - and yet that is basically what I have been doing all this time. Just because I traveled all over and spent most of my time out somewhere does not mean I have not built a house on the bridge of change. I did and I am holding on to it. I am so attached to it as is typically of any creature of habits that I refused to notice it.

I called a lawyer yesterday and just for the heck of it, made an appointment. At night, wrote day 14 and went to bed and woke up, did my errands and went to see the lawyer. On my way home, I felt so light as if a heavy burden was lifted - strange that I was probably so used to carrying that heavy burden that I wasn't even aware I was carrying it. I got home, found him there and was tried to start a very casual conversation that I barely got a response. Not until later when I went out to dinner with a friend (who told me that he wanted to hold on to the hate that he is feeling towards his on-again/off-again girlfriend of 5 years so that when he is tempted to get back with her or call her or when he feels weak, then that hate will give him strength to move on) that I realized I am exactly the same way - except the hate part.

Why is it so hard to seek out our faults and others' merits? Why is seeking others' faults a dire sin? simple - how do you the nape of your neck? how do you scratch your own back? you get a tool (mirror) to see the back of your neck. you asked someone or get a scratcher to scratch your back. So when someone tell you their experience, as they describe each and every participant in their story, you can relate to the character that most resemble you and your action and yet, most often than not, you will voice out an opinion stating yes, yes, you are almost alike and you can understand perfectly well what the other person is talking about because you can really relate to that experience and yet, all the while, deep inside you, you understand the other (villain) in the story because you know that that is what you are, too. As soon as you accept that you are a villain, then you will notice the others merit - you are on your way to recovery.

Why is seeking others' fault is a dire sin? Because this is your life - not anyone else's. You are here to experience. And when you seek the fault of another, you are not helping yourself move forward - your attention is on another - how will you change? how will you improve? you find someone's fault, do you want them to change, when they do, what good will it do you?

When you find your own fault and seek other people's merit, it humbles you. It makes you want to become better and better. It benefits you and improve your character. It is like trying to reach out and maneuver the steering wheel of another person's car while you are sitting in your car and should be maneuver the steering of your own car - does that make sense?

With Infinite Love and Gratitude always,
I am happy, very happy. Very, very happy

DIVINITY WITHIN - Day 14 of 108 Days - "Love is a bridge over the sea of change. Do not build a house on it."

2010-04-20T22:15:00.000-07:00

Love in thought is truth.
Love in action is right conduct.
Love is understanding, is peace.
Love in feeling is non-violence.
Love is a bridge over the sea of change.
Do not build a house on it.

-SSB discourses

Day 14 - it has been 2 weeks. Is it possible that if and when we are thinking of something that is totally untrue according to the history book, according to mores, according to society and general belief and yet as we thought of it, we are overpowered with love - does it then become the truth?

If we are acting out of love, no matter how wrong it is, does it become right conduct?

Love in understanding is peace, what about understanding without love? is it still peace?

Love in feeling is non-violence and yet...

And the best part is

"Love is a bridge over the sea of change. Do not build a house on it."

No wonder the house keeps tumbling down, it was built on a bridge over the sea of change. Everyone should be thought this lesson. Then, we can save a lot of heartaches, pain and suffering. Well then, where did we get the idea that when we feel the love in our hearts, we then want to hold on to it, keep it forever and ever and boxed it and limit it? who started that thought?

It would be great if people will leave their comments and their thoughts as to who started all this.

Goodnight for now.

Be Well, Be Happy, Be Healthy and be very, very wealthy.

DIVINITY WITHIN - Day 13 of 108 Days - "“Your thoughts, words, and deeds will shape others and theirs will shape you.”

2010-04-19T21:52:00.000-07:00

Day 13 - I was not totally convinced about this but when I woke up this morning I remember what I was doing the last 2 nights - I was actually getting up almost every hour or so and then going into the living and peeking through the window behind the drapes to check and see if there are any one up there who is about to break into somebody's car.

“Your thoughts, words, and deeds will shape others and theirs will shape you.”

Unbelievable. When I realized what I was doing, I couldn't believe it. How is it possible that someone who broke into my car and stole my "stuff" can actually shape my thoughts and deeds the last few nights?

WOW - I am not a wow person but this is just so fascinating and I am just so filled with INFINITE LOVE AND GRATITUDE for giving me this lesson and making me understand it and allowing me to share it in this blog.

It has been 5 days or so since I got the title for this day and yet I keep skipping it because I do not fully understand it and my brain is not accepting it. Although I already am aware and know that there is TRUTH and HIGHER TRUTH and much HIGHER TRUTH - I know that my thoughts, words and deeds will shape others and theirs will shape me - is TRUE. But, I cannot write about something unless I know it for a fact - meaning I understand it intellectually and my emotion agree to it and the only way it can solidify the intellectual understanding is to experience it within and without - meaning it has to resonate to the core of my being.

I am blown away that I actually invited the experience of having someone break into the car and steal stuff so I can experience the whole enchilada of that saying.

It seems like in the back of my mind, there is still a distinction between right and wrong and good and bad. That someone who is good/right can easily shape another and that someone who is bad/wrong have much harder time to influence others and yet we look around and search the history of our planet and we realized that in most major events, the impact on humans is unbelievably disproportionate when it is catastrophic/bad than when it is good - e.g. 9/11 for a few days, weeks and months - New Yorker seems to really care for each other and started to acknowledge others existence and then it slowly but surely went back to the usual ways of 'me, me, me, who the hell are you?, I am the only one that is important. On the other side of the coin of caring and loving is total disregard of another and fear. So 9/11 brought out fear in most people and the politician took advantage of that fear and now several years after the incident we are still going thru TSA and all the negative aftermath of 9/11.

How many people perpetuated such act of 9/11 disaster? And how many lives have changed and been shaped by those act? The same thing with a serial killer - one person perpetuated hideous act of violence and the whole community, city, state, country - nay the world is affected. The fear goes on long after the violent act was performed.

It is said that the negative thoughts multiple faster than a positive thought. I sure do not want the negative thought to overcome my positive thinking that I work so hard to get into. So I will try to be aware when someone's word, thought and/or deed is affecting my equanimity to the point that the CIA in me (Constant Integrated Awareness) stops to function.

That is exactly what happened to me, the last few nights. I let my shield down, the CIA took a nap, a break, a day off. And the fear took over - oh my God.....my elation is short lived. After 6 paragraphs I had another AHA moments and realized what really is happening - as I write this things day after day, if actually piggy backed on each other that on the 13th day, the experience has to be that which encompasses all the previous day's you know what...OMG, OMG, OMG. OK, OK, OK, relax, relax, take a deep breath - it is all for the good. really, really, really? will I ascend on 108th day? the future is a mystery - who knows what tomorrow might bring (those who are doing RV, of course) IDK, I know nothing.

All for now, just be.

DIVINITY WITHIN - Day 12 of 108 Days - "Sorrow and suffering instead of joy and peace?"

2010-04-18T20:35:00.000-07:00

Day 12 - 30 minutes before midnight and I am trying to finish this.

“If you identify yourselves with the body that you carry about with you, you are inviting sorrow and suffering to overwhelm you instead of the joy and peace which are awaiting to bless you.”

Why did I have the above "thoughts for the day"? Every morning I wake up, I think of what would be on the title of the blog and more often than not, it changes by night time. Like this one here, I was thinking of something else but then someone called me around 9:30 pm and asked about mortgages etc. So by the time I sat in front of the laptop and open the blog, I was thinking about debts and thought of most of the problems of individuals and banks and countries such as Greece and Italy are about debts. What about the major economic crisis here in the U.S., isn't it all about debts?

And I guess the only reason we become miserable is when we associate debts and everything else with this body. But, whose debts will it be anyway other than the body who borrowed except in cases of identity theft. Still, somehow I believe the identity theft will not be possible unless we in one way or another invited it upon ourselves. Of course, a lot of people will disagree specially if they are not aware or not familiar with the law of the universe. I will try not to dwell on it or go deeper since I do not want to confuse or offend others who might read this and disagree.

Suffice it to say that whether we believe it or not, there are no victim or victimizer since it is just a thought process. Just like Shakespeare saying " There are no right or wrong, it is thinking that makes it so ". Again, the culprit is the mind that thinks. We can only identify ourselves with the body by thinking. If we unthink of identifying then, that is possible also but because we are creature of habits and its been our habit all this time to associate with the body, as we think, so we become.

As long as we think we are the body, we are inviting sorrow and suffering to overwhelm us instead of the joy and peace.

Sure, easy for whoever is the author of the saying to say the above. I tell you, I will be totally overwhelmed with sorrow and suffering if I keep thinking that here I am - my name is on the title of 7 buildings with just 2 mortgages less than two hundred grand, I should be in a very good position because it looks like I have this all income producing properties and yet I can barely pay the mortgage. Without going into details, I am land/building rich but cash poor. And in this economy there are too many people short selling their properties rather than get foreclose that even if you own something that is fully paid, some buyer will get the short sell first if they can without thinking of the long term consequences.

So, how do I deal with my predicament? Simple I try not to associate myself with it. It is like passing clouds, it will soon go away. What will be will be. For me to want peace or joy, I have to say "I want Peace/Joy". Someone said, remove the I which is the association, remove the want which is desire and there you have Peace or Joy.

How do I do that? How can I say it is simple? I know, it isn't really simple at first. It takes practice and practice until you get use to it and it become simple. Just like writing your name, when you are just learning it, it is so hard, now we can sign our name with different styles of handwriting and it is so simple.

So let us start practicing if we have not done so - let us take 3 deep breath, say I am not the body, I am not the body, I am not the body. Then who am I? who am I? who am I? It may seem kindda weird but if you just keep saying who am I, who am I so many times, you might start hearing an echo and a vibration and just keep doing it - it takes perseverance, don't stop now, go on and keep doing it, pretty soon - you will get your answer.

WHEN YOU DO, PLEASE LET ME KNOW.

With Infinite LOVE and GRATITUDE always,
I AM

DIVINITY WITHIN - Day 11 of 108 Days - "Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us"

2010-04-17T17:49:00.000-07:00

Day 11 - Today, I promised to take someone to the wig store so she can have a wig ready when she starts losing her hair due to chemo. So, I got up early and got in the car and as I put the key in the ignition, I noticed the car stereo is missing. I looked in the back and there were shattered glasses all over the seat. Whoever did it, broke the small glass window on the passenger side to open the door. Then I remember my gps and it was gone, too. And when I open the glove compartment, the car manual is gone. And there is a sleeve on the jacket of the leather manual where you can put your insurance card and the extended warranty card and on the back of the manual are blank pages where you write the maintenance done to the car and staple the receipts - that's all gone too.

"Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us"

The fact that, the person broke the small window and not the big one, I am assuming he got a conscience and he thought it would cost less to replace the small glass window - or maybe not - he was probably just on drug and smashed the closest window he can hit.

It took me over 7 hours to finally say "I forgive you whoever you are, I forgive me". And yet, I am still having a heavy heart. So, I did some deep breathing and utter "I release and let go, I let go and let....".

Why did it take me over 7 hours to say the forgiveness thingy?

Let me backtrack and find out. I was excited about my plan for the day - it seems like a good plan, a reasonable plan but still a plan. When that plan is thwarted because of the incident, I have no plan B. So my mind went to 2nd gear, 3rd gear and 4th gear. I went to the police station, took the car to the shop, rented a car and then continue on with the rest of the day. When I was done with my errand and on the way back home, 7 hours had passed and I can sit quietly in the car and utter the forgiveness thingy. But why did I not say it right away as soon as I saw what happened? Because we are not used to forgiving someone for their wrongdoing right away. All this gooey feeling that is supposed to help us and benefit us all and elevate us all to the higher level/dimension takes practice. We have to discipline ourselves. We have to train our mind and heart. Or perhaps we should untrain our mind and heart from what society dictates.

Better still, when we experience something unsettling, we should not react right away. We should be still and go within. Relax, take 7 deep breath, and just be.

=========

Our levels of mind are basically separated into four distinct levels of mental awareness.
Our daily active waking state is called the Beta state of mind and is characterized by a predominance of brainwaves oscillating between 14 and 30 cycles per second.

The inner, relaxed, day-dreaming state is called the Alpha state and is characterized
by a predominance of brainwaves ranging between 7 and 14 cycles per second.

When we relax our mind even further, by detaching even more from our external reality, we dip into the Theta state that is characterized by a predominance of brainwaves oscillating between 4 and 7 cycles per a second. This is the mind state we all enter just before falling asleep and just upon awakening from it.

When we relax even further, our mind enters the domain of the subconscious and we, at least most of us, lose conscious awareness and fall asleep. This level of deep mind subconscious operation is called the Delta level and is characterized by lots of brainwaves oscillating
between 1 and 4 times per second.

GO'D RI and RV
=========

So, think about brainwaves oscillating between 14 and 30 cycles per second on a daily waking hours. If we are agitated it goes closer to 30 cycles and when we sort of calm and collected, it is closer to 14 cycles. So during unsettling moments it is always closer to 30, that is why when we start feeling it, we have to calm ourselves down. No one else will do it for us. Then, as we become more aware of what is going on in our mind, we can progress to slowing it down and down and down. And it is said that as we enter the domain of the subconscious, that is where we meet God.

The divinity in me acknowledges the divinity in all of us. No judgement, no condition, just pure acceptance of what is.

BE WELL.

DIVINITY WITHIN - Day 10 of 108 Days - "Do not worry about the unsatisfactory environment you may have."

2010-04-16T21:37:00.000-07:00

"Do not worry about the unsatisfactory environment you may have. Of course the place may have some drawbacks and it may not be ideal. But it is no use trying to run away from all that. You can overcome the drawbacks by training your own mind."

Day 10 - Stay there itself and pray to the Lord. Pray that He may fill you with His thoughts and Vision, making you ignore the defects of the environment. Do not seek comfort, for comfort might not be conducive to your spiritual progress. Learn to be comfortable in any place; that is better. Live in joy wherever you are; that is the way.

Revel in the realm of your mind; worship there the Lord you have chosen as your goal and be free of all the defects of the natural or human environment! No spot can be irksome to you, nor will any place seem disgusting.

It took me 10 years of reading this and memorizing it and trying sooooo hard to put it into practice. It was easy to do the first 4 sentences. Then, on the 5th year, I did the opposite of the 5th sentence. I just could not take it anymore. It was too painful, it was unbearable to be in the same environment and to keep my sanity, I have to leave.

At first, I was filled with remorse because I felt like I failed by not staying. It was like going through the training in bootcamp and yet, was not able to complete and finish the training. The worst part was it seems like too much wasted time going thru the training and not passing.
Then more feeling of disgust because I ran away - and it says it is no use trying to run away from all that...but staying away is the only way I know how (at that time) to keep my sanity.

So, I prayed that He may fill me with His thoughts and Vision, making me ignore the defects of the environment. But, I was not filled with His thoughts and Vision. And I seek comfort - though comfort may not be conducive to my spiritual progress at the time - I needed the comfort for I was in too much pain - the like of which is an open wound that is extremely painful to the victim for the flesh is exposed and causes excruciating agony that no one can see, and no sound of pain can be heard for the sufferer is ashamed of the pain. Oh, if only someone was brave enough to look into the eyes of the sufferer, they would have seen the agony deep down her soul and yet what can a mere human do to alleviate the suffering and pain of a fellow human if even the thoughts and vision of the divine escapes her?

Five years of living in comfort of fancy 5 star hotels and resorts, of flying back and forth north to south and east to west. And when all is said and done, the broadcast came again and I found myself in the same environment. 10 years have passed, why then am I back in the same environment?

There was a saying "Follow the Master, face the devil, fight to the end, finish the game". Alright then, I have to face my devil, fight to the end and finish the game. Now, I understand. Time is immaterial - some people spend their lifetime trying and still leave the body without finishing the game. Ten years is not bad. I needed the 5 years to practice the teaching in the unsatisfactory environment and 5 years in satisfactory (comfortable) environment to finally realized what the teaching is all about. When I stopped trying and almost as if I totally forgot it all, I woke up one morning in that exactly the same unsatisfactory environment I left 5 year previous and....

the only difference is my feeling of acceptance of it all. Living in JOY. Reveling in the realm of my mind. Free of all the defects of the natural or human environment.

HAPPY, HAPPY, JOY, JOY, HAPPY, HAPPY, JOY

Be Well.

DIVINITY WITHIN - Day 9 of 108 Days - "Let the different faith exist"

2010-04-15T20:13:00.000-07:00

"Let the different faiths exist. Let them flourish and
Let the glory of God be sung in all the languages
of the world and in a variety of tunes.
Respect the differences between the faiths and recognise them as valid
As long as they do not extinguish the flame of unity".

Day 9 - Today I took someone to Park City, IL traffic court since there is no public transportation that goes all the way there. I got the chance to talk to the guy and learned about his family; his problems and challenges as a recovering drug addict; his dad's addiction and his son's problem. He said Jesus saved him and died for his sins.

When I got home, the doorbell rang and there were 3 people showing me AWAKE magazine telling me that Jehovah is the only God who can save the world from destruction.

Then I got online and ready to write my thought for the day and I saw one of the comment about Allah the only One, the only Source.

When will we ever learn? when? when? when? What is so hard about "Respecting the differences between the faiths and recognizing them as valid as long as they do not extinguish the flame of unity " ?

If I for one cannot agree to disagree, how can the politician agree about unity in diversity? how can each country think of the welfare of the citizen of another and not just their own? What pleasure do I get by claiming I am the 'chosen one' while the rest of my brothers are not? What satisfaction can I attain by believing mine is the right and the rest are wrong? how big of an ego do I want to point a finger at others condemning them to hell unless they convert to my belief while at the same time 3 fingers pointing at myself?

Let the different faith exist. There is only One God and He has many names and many forms, there is only one religion, the religion of love; there is only one race, the race of humanity; there is only one language, the language of the heart; THERE IS ONLY ONE GOD, HE IS OMNIPRESENT.

Be Well, we are ONE.

DIVINITY WITHIN - Day 7 of 108 Days - "Equanimity"

2010-04-13T20:39:00.000-07:00

"Let the wave of memory, the storm of desire, the fire of emotion pass through without affecting your equanimity" Sri Sathya Sai Baba

Day 7 - EQUANIMITY

My God, I thought I am through with this pain. Yesterday I was given the thoughts about the challenges of the past and how it is the ultimate delusion. I understood it, I experienced it. Why then am I being tested today - why is the wave of memory ready to rip me apart again and tempting me, taunting me about what another person did or did not do?

So I will go back to the previous lesson to pass today's challenge. I know I have the power to make a path of flower or a path of thorn. By being affected with a wave of memory, I am losing my equanimity and a path of thorn is about to pave my way and ....sorry, I cannot allow for that. I will exercise my power, I will choose to realize that I am divine having a human experience and that being the case, I will let divinity within me flow through.

This person that I have known for 25 years, I have trusted and believed in end up causing me too much pain, heartaches and suffering. No - he did not cause it - I allowed him. I have a choice not to accept the shit that he is dumping on me, but I have too much grandiosity - believing I am a much better person than he is and that I can take the suffering (the martyrdom that Christianity advocates) and that would give me points in heaven.

So it is that year after year I felt like sacrificing for that is what I saw women do - for their husband, their child, their family. Then, I started wishing ill will to the other person who I thought was the root cause of all the suffering - not realizing then that it was no other than me who is doing it to myself. Rather than face the devil and fight to the end. I decided to work out of state that way I do not have to be in the situation/condition 7 days a week. It was a good cope out - I work 4-5 days a week and only have to come home and face the challenge 2 days at the most. If I cannot handle 7 days a week, surely I can handle pain for 2 days.

And so it went on for 5 years. First I was coming home every weekend, then it was 3 weeks and it turned to months. And all that time I was hoping that he would come and visit me, that he will miss me and ask me to come home more often and then we can talk about it, perhaps negotiate, perhaps get counseling and then everything will be fine and dandy and we can be a happy family again. But for 5 long years, he got close enough to wherever I was working say 5 hrs drive after he visited his sister, that is not to much to ask. After all I am his wife - surely if he can drive for 12 hours to visit sister or friends or acquaintances, then he can come visit his wife. NOPE. He never did. Not once - though there were 240 weeks, 60 months, 5 years for goodness sake - not once did he try. It should have given me a clue but I love the suffering and I love wallowing in self pity that I continue being his wife (or perhaps I got no balls, it took many more weeks to grow some). I am over it now, I'm pretty sure I am.

And today he asked me why his computer is not working, etc. etc. he cannot access the Internet. So "service to man is service to God". I offered to help him. He is going to see his daughter (my step d) and grand kids in Charlotte (hm mm, I was there for almost a year - and he did not come visit). He already booked a flight but he forgot the car. I helped him booked his car and then he of course needed a direction on how to get to her house from the airport. OK....I got him the direction and printed it. From the airport to the hotel, from hotel to her house. Then...he wanted another direction from her house to her mother's house in Virginia. OK. Well then he said he what about from her house to his brother's in Maryland. OK. Then reverse direction from his house back to her house then back to the daughter's house. Goodness, it would take 5 hours and 7 hours and 7 hours and 5 hours. Well, it is still OK but....the wave of memory is becoming turbulent and it sure is rocking the boat; the fire of emotion is burning up inside. What to do?

When all things fail, PRAY. "Divinity within me, let your love flow through me; let the cool breeze slowly extinguish the fire of emotion that is burning up inside, let the spirit of love calm the waves that is ready to turn into tsunami. God in me, let me put into practice this mighty task called EQUANIMITY".

And so it is. I felt the "inner PEACE that calms the stormy sea; the peace that passed understanding". I can practice and experience EQUANIMITY by becoming a witness - like watching a movie - knowing it is just a movie and when it is finish, all that is left is the big movie screen. So, we can be unaffected by all this happenings around us - it was not easy. But as long as I was aware at the onset of memories, desire and emotions I can let it be and ask for divine love to just flow through me. And I can just witness the wave of memory, the storm of desire and the the fire of emotion pass through --- slowly but surely, it was just passing through just like the passing clouds within minutes, it was gone.

I know it may come back but I already have the tools. And I am ready to put the tools into good use.

Be Well,

INFINITE LOVE and GRATITUDE ALWAYS

DIVINITY WITHIN - NOW

2010-04-10T18:23:00.000-07:00

" Over and over, again and again, until I make you see that the past no longer works. I challenge you and tempt you every day with your past, so that you may see that the past is the ultimate delusion.” SSB

DIVINITY WITHIN - Day 8 of 108 Days - "Help Ever, Hurt Never"

2010-04-10T18:07:00.000-07:00

" Help Ever, Hurt Never"

Day 8 - I cannot believe it - I finished a week. It was not easy. The first 3 days were very specific and the fourth day, I kept debating within me what to write but when I let go and asked, it just flow freely and, I was given the whole enchilada of quotes to use. I would usually wake up in the morning and look at the quotes and ask "What's for today?". Several times my mind would go so fast and picked one and start writing but after the first paragraph. I would stop - like a mental block, then when I go back to it at night - it changes. I even tried writing 3 post at a time so I can just pick one a day, elaborate on it but even that did not work. What I wrote for day 4 became day 7 etc.

Life is indeed fascinating. "Help Ever, Hurt Never" - Four simple words. It is printed in T-shirts, matches, mugs, caps etc. If you googled it you will get 64 million hits on the topic. I heard this phrase 37 years ago. And when I talk to people who are in the spiritual path I am told it is their favorite. Then I look around me, and I observed the people and their actions and their words - nope, this is not a simple thing to do or follow or observe. It is very complicated and at times it seems like you might think you are doing it and yet you are not. Why so?

Let's say for example a mother wanting to believe that her daughter/son cannot survive without her. The mother will then, be there for her child all the time, to the point of spoiling the child. The child having things come so easy will not learn to appreciate and value the time, effort, money and love that is being showered by the mother. I have seen some children grow up being abusive to their parents.

There was a case where a mother, turned over the house to her son only to have her pay rent in return (per the daughter-in-law) and when the mother could not take it anymore, she left and stayed with relatives rather than her son and daughter-in-law. She thought she was going to help them by turning over the house to them, but did she really? helped them kicked her out of her own house?

Several people who believed they are helping friends and relatives by lending them money or helping support them for years and years and yet not realizing that they are not really helping them grow - they are in fact tolerating them to become dependent on someone instead of being able to stand on their own feet.

How about people who cover up things for other people, believing they are helping them and yet in the end 2 wrongs don't make a right. This seems to be almost the same as telling a lie and then another lie to cover up the first lie and so on and so forth.

Why would this help ever and hurt never be together? Is it because every time we want to help someone, we must ask ourselves if the help that we think we are doing will not hurt anyone, not just the person who is being helped but the person who is helping and everyone else concerned?

Sounds good doesn't it? I noticed the problem with me is I am always ready and willing to help ever but now I realized that before I put that help into action I must ask first - "will this help not hurt anyone?" - if yes, then it is a go, else stop right there and watch and just be a witness.

But, isn't there a saying that by witnessing something and not helping, you become an accessory to that which you did not make an effort to help? Maybe. Maybe not. Someone once said (it might be Greg Braden) that the Tibetan Monk will always be willing to render help in anyways but at one time, there was a woman that was being raped and the monk did not do anything at all but went his merry way. Later when asked, he was told that there are events that we can interfere with and it will be OK, but there are events that we must not interfere with because it will change the whole scheme of things. Hm mm, something to think about especially those who always have this "grandiosity" in them who always want to meddle in other people's lives. That being said - we really must help ever as long as it does hurt never.

What about just doing hurt never, is that possible? I don't think so. I think those 4 words are really together like chopsuey. You cannot separate them. For example, someone who tried to cook and serve the food and when you tasted it, it is just not acceptable. If and when the cook asked you how it is, you will say it is alright because you do not want to hurt the person. But, it is indeed probably alright to at least one of the 6.5 billion people on the planet - so you are not really telling a lie and not only did you not hurt the person - you in fact help the person to become a better cook (if perhaps you have the guts to say "its alright, i bet you it would be fantastic if you add something or do so and so to it..." ha ha ha).

In cases of husbands or boyfriends who 's been asked by their partner to give their opinion about their looks or a dress or whatever - by not saying the truth (if it is going to hurt) then you are indeed helping not only yourself but also the other person and of course the relationship. Yet, there are those who say - tough love; the truth hurts; you got to be honest; there is a sin of commission and a sin of omission and by not saying it or not doing, it is still a sin. I disagree. My dearest teacher taught me that if you cannot say anything nice, don't say it. So, help ever hurt never. Don't even attempt to move your lips, let alone open your mouth if what will come out of it will hurt somebody somehow.

HELP EVER, HURT NEVER. And so it is.

Be happy, be happy, be happy

DIVINITY WITHIN - Day 5 of 108 Days - "You have it in your power..."

2010-04-10T18:04:00.000-07:00

" You have it in your power to make your days on Earth a path of flowers, instead of a path of thorns" .

Day 5 - Indeed. I know that.

And yet, for the last 25 years I made more path of thorns than path of flowers. Why? Everyday I have a choice and most days I did not make the right choice. Does that mean I made a mistake? No, definitely not. Those days when I made a path of thorns, I missed my target. I tried againthe next day and the next and the next and every time I chose thorns instead of flowers I missed the target. So many misses....

But the beauty of it all is that I can always try again and again and again until I get a bulls eye.

When I looked back, I noticed that whenever I make the path of thorns and it hurts, I blamed the thorns or someone else. I pointed a finger. I cried and cried. I felt like a victim. I get stuck and I enjoyed being stuck, I enjoyed being miserable. I get addicted to it. And yet, if someone told me that at that time, I will get angrier and would feel much worst than I already felt. I would respond "You insensitive you, how can you say I enjoyed being miserable, how can you even accused me of being addicted to misery? Can you not see I am suffering? Don't you have any compassion, don't you have a heart?".

Of course I enjoyed it and was addicted to it because if I did not and was not, then I would not be in that situation. And guess what? When I had enough of it, when I was ready, I STOPPED being miserable and stop being addicted to misery.

For some people, the misery goes on and on and on until nature takes it course and end it for them.

For goodness sake, this is the dawn of a new era - an era of inner and outer peace, and joy and love. Together let us cross the golden bridge filled with inner joy and happiness. Let us make a choice - the choice of creating a path of flowers - fragrant, beautiful, colorful and magnificent flowers - do it now. REMEMBER, REMEMBER, REMEMBER.

YOU HAVE THE POWER

TO MAKE YOUR DAYS ON
EARTH A PATH OF FLOWERS.

DIVINITY WITHIN - Day 4 of 108 Days - "Nothing Happened"

2010-04-10T16:16:00.000-07:00

"Nothing happened " - it is all illusion.

Day 4 - I read a book written by this beautiful woman and in it she shared her experience of being brutally raped on a most auspicious day you can imagine. And tho' she asked for a miracle or a savior to come to save her that moment, it did not happen. When the guy was leaving, she said something like "I forgive you or God loves you" and the guy responded "Nobody loves me". The police came and a few hours after, the guy was caught.

According to her story, her spiritual circle of friends have a common comments about the incident - KARMA. That is not very comforting. She said she asked God why He did not come or send someone to come and help her, why did God allowed it to happen. She said she heard a voice asking her "What happened?" to which she responded "I was brutally raped". She heard the voice again "What happened?" to which she responded again "I was brutally raped". And the third time she was asked 'What happened?". She figured it out and said:

"NOTHING HAPPENED".

It seems like when you hear this "voice or broadcast", it always comes in set of 3. Could it be the holy trinity? or the message have to be impress on the mind, body and soul so it has to be 3. Or we are all hard headed and dunce that once or twice is not enough and it has to be reiterated 3 times before we get it. Whatever it is, I am not really convinced that "nothing happened" and I did not really understand what she figured out. I thought she was just sick and tired of the voice or that she figure she will not get a decent answer and just let it go and convinced herself that nothing happened.

When I finally met her on one of her lecture/seminar, she seemed to be so at peace, so content, ever smiling and exude this love and divinity within her. She almost looked like a goddess to me at that time and anything she will say, I was ready to agree. According to her and most spiritual teachers/masters and even most spiritual text "All this is just an illusion". The thing that we are experiencing, what we call reality, what we see and hear is but a thought. So by undoing the illusion of separate existence, we go back to the One. If there is only one, then it is so - what ever we experienced be it good or bad, happy or sad in the end "Nothing happened". It's but a thought. Think about it....................................

Why then are we affected by incidents in our lives? Why does a result of an event either make us or break us? More money, less money, losing money, making up, breaking up, marriage, divorce, earthquake, tsunami, fire, flood, UFO, ET, disclosure, HAARP, chemtrail, getting a job, losing a job, graduation, birthday, anniversary - is this everything or nothing?

So, it took over 5 years of knowing this lady before I finally understood and learned from her experience. It will take at least 3 pages to compress what happened in that 5 years, so for now let me share this:

There is a sanskrit word "maya" meaning that which does not exist but appears to exist. It makes the unreal appear as real and the real as unreal. Some say it is synonymous to ignorance.

And my teacher says "as you move towards the light your shadow falls behind you; when you move away from the light you have to follow your own shadow. Go every moment one step nearer to the LIGHT and then ignorance (the shadow) will fall behind you and will not delude you at all."

Just as most masters and teachers will say - first you are in the light, then the light is in you and then you and the light are one - you are the light.

Let that little light shine, let it glow, let it radiate, let it vibrate.

DIVINITY WITHIN - Day 3 of 108 Days - "You have to go beyond miracles"

2010-04-09T13:18:00.000-07:00

"You have to go beyond miracles"

Day 3 - I was told to go beyond miracles. How can I do that? What does it mean? I love miracles.

Miracles, miracles, miracles. It seems like everybody want a miracle and when they do get it, they are elated, they are intoxicated, they are "high" - but only for a while. Sooner or later they forget and they go back to their old ways and beliefs and then they wanted more miracles.

I have known and researched hundreds of miracles that are well documented and checked and verified. Most religions based their beliefs on miracles.

I was brought up as a Catholic. As a child I felt neglected and to compensate, my imaginary friend was Jesus and always refer to him as my brother. I always called upon Mother Mary when my mom was not around and not available. My imaginary father is Father God (I did not know at that time that it should have been Father/Mother God).

As a child, when I wanted to buy a candy from the store and I did not have any money and there was no one to ask, I would go to the second floor of the house, and flung the windows open wide and looked up in the sky and utter that little request "Father God, I want some candy from the store and there is no money, can you give me some so I can buy?". I will hear Him loud and clear saying "OK, there it is (on the ground)". It was so normal, I will look on the ground from up the window and I can see not just one coin but 2 or 3 and I don't even remember saying thank you. I will just run down and pick up the coin and run to the store and buy my candy.

As I was growing up, (since I have Jesus, Mother Mary and Father God, not to mention all the sages and saints e.g. calling St. Anthony when you lost or misplaced something, calling another when you are being chase by a rabid dog; calling St. Rita, St. Francis etc. etc.), I have no need to confide to friends and relatives about problems, issues and challenges. I have all this heavenly beings that are ready to assist me. And yet, there are so many questions that I needed an answer and yet I did not hear the answer, or perhaps I did not want to hear or did not listen enough. One thing I remember, during the major challenges/events/issues in my life, they are always there. Let me mention some incidents that I can still see vividly in my mind:

It seemed like I had a stomach flu and I was all alone since my parents were out of the country and everyone else are out and about. I felt like I burning candle whose light is about to be extinguish completely, so...utter a little prayer, call the imaginary friends "Father God, Mother Mary and Jesus - I feel so sick, there is no one to care for me and I sure do not want to call emergency nor do I want to go to the hospital " - just like that and I saw them on the right top corner of the ceiling, they are coming down, and then I passed out. I woke up a few hours later and I was feeling much, much better.

I was in labor for 26 hours and still not properly dilated. They wanted to wait and they will only do a C-sect if it is necessary. The pain was unbearable and I told them to cut me up and get the baby out. And so it is. I asked for it, I get it. The monitor showed the baby's heartbeat stopped. After a few more test, I was told that the baby was "in distress" and they have to cut me up. During the commotion and when I filled out my medical forms, I forget to mention that I had prolo therapy treatment that made me almost immune to a regular dose of anesthesia and that they have to give me 2 or 3x the normal to make it effective. As I was in the operating room and the anesthesiologist was holding my hand, it looked like I was under it already so they started cutting me up - well, I wasn't under it, I was fully awake but my body cannot move so I started screaming and since my body cannot do anything, no proper sound was being produce by
the vocal chords but the anesthesiologist remembered that she can hear some type of moaning sound but she could not make out what it is - so they continue cutting me up and I hear every sound and can feel every pain as the cutting instrument touched the flesh of the body. And I heard a voice
" YOU ARE NOT THE BODY, YOU ARE NOT THE MIND" but I am feeling the pain and hearing the voices.
" YOU ARE NOT THE BODY, YOU ARE NOT THE MIND" but what am I to do to stop this experienced?
" YOU ARE NOT THE BODY, YOU ARE NOT THE MIND" ... fine, I have enough of this. And so I got out of the body and the mind. And woke up in the recovery room.

This is painful but I know it is just memory pain and I have to finish this. And when I do, I know I will feel good and you will too. So, I will try to be emotionally detach from it and continue.

When I was working in downtown Chicago I would go to Old Saint Mary's church for lunch, sit on the pew and take a nap. It would happen that from time to time, while taking a nap, someone will wake me up and he/she is not alive (you know like sort of a spirit or perhaps others call it a ghost) and we will just chat for a minute or 2. There was also an incident when my old polish neighbor who did not speak a word of English came to my dream at around 6p.m (I was so tired that I went straight to bed after work) and asked me to take her and guide her to where she was going because she felt lost and afraid. I said OK and a hand appeared and gave me a lamp to guide us through. The next day her son came and informed me that she died around 6 p.m. the previous day. A few other deaths and wakes and funerals where I got a chance to talk to the departed.

A few years before my mom passed away, she told me she was going blind but did not want the others to know. I remember receiving some type of "holy ash" in a packet and it is supposed to be curative, so I gave it to my mom and told her to rub it in her eyes at night and in a weeks time, she told me her vision was back to normal.

What are all the above instances and incidents - are they miracles? To me, it was so ordinary, so normal, as normal as breathing keeps me alive. As normal as the eyelids protects the eyes, as ordinary as the eyelids closes when you are ready to sleep and will open when you are ready to wake up. Tell me, why do we expect miracles, and what miracles are we expecting?

If miracle is an event that appears inexplicable by the laws of nature and so is held to be supernatural in origin or an act of God, isn't the opening and closing of your eyelids an act of God? isn't the beating of your heart inexplicable, isn't being born and dying supernatural? the fact that I can write this and you can read it, that I don't know you and you don't know me and yet we are touching each others life, isn't it the most amazing thing???

"BEYOND" is something that lies outside the scope of ordinary experience. If miracle is an act of God, then beyond miracle is something that lies outside an Act of God. If creation is an Act of God, then what lies outside creation? could it be FREE WILL? Why will God raise His Hand and say " This Hands can turn everything to nothing and nothing to everything (can turn dust into Gold, water into wine, raise the dead and everything else) and yet, it cannot change the heart of man". Why? Because He gave us a free will and He is honoring that. The choice is ours The only free will is the will to choose to be human or to realize that you are divine - a divine being having a human experience. Realize it now. There is no better choice, there is no better time.

Dearest, the divinity in me acknowledges the divinity in you. Know it and be happy, you deserve to be.

Be happy, be happy, be happy.

DIVINITY WITHIN - Day 2 of 108 Days - "Love without duty is divine"

2010-04-07T23:26:00.000-07:00

"Duty without love is deplorable,
Duty with love is desirable,
Love without duty is divine". SSB

Day 2 - I was only married for 1 year and I was miserable. I went to India to find some answers after hearing that a holy man in South India can do miracles and grant wishes and mine is to get out of my miserable situation. After staying in His ashram for several weeks, I was not hearing the answer that I wanted and so it was time to leave.

As I was waiting for the last darshan (a Sanskrit word that means "to have the vision of divinity"), the Holy Man came and He was about 50 feet away and yet I felt His gaze bore through my soul and heard His voice very clearly in my head "I will come". What does it mean? I was more confused at that moment than when I first came.

I decided to stay in the city of Bangalore for a day in case the holy man will come there. But that seemed impossible since I was told He only come to the city in the summer. Perhaps in my dreams - that is more plausible. I was told when you dream of Him it is real. So I took a shower, wore a clean pj, lit a candle and went to bed (wishing that He visit me in my dreams). Woke up the next working, the candle went out during the night (glad there was no fire) and no dream of the holy man. I figured He must be busy with thousands of people in His ashram. So I decided to have breakfast and then take a nap and give him another chance to come to my dream. Around 9:30 a.m. or so, I light another candle and took a nap. He came and the dream was:

"Hundreds of people were waiting for the Holy Man and I was really close to the front area - about 10 feet away and He asked me where is my husband and as I was about to tell Him that he is in Chicago and I came to ask Him for advice about divorce, my husband just appeared next to Him. It seems that they talked for hours while everybody just patiently waited till it is over. Then He asked me to come closer and I can touch His feet, only because He has known my husband for so many years".

I woke up and thought that since He has known my husband for so many years, then he must be a good man and that I should stay married to him. So, I came back to Chicago and as my husband met me at the airport, the first thing I told him was "I don't love you and I am only staying because I married you and as a Catholic, it is my duty to stay married till you divorce me".

What is wrong with me, why did I not remember that "duty without love is deplorable"? Perhaps it was not the right time to remember? Perhaps it is desirable that I have to learn duty with love, first? But how can you love someone that you do not love anymore? I will tell you how.

Days passed and weeks and months and when I was almost at the lowest ebb of my life again, a son is born. A precious son that brought deep meaning of duty with love. How can I have duty without love for my husband and duty with love for my son, knowing one is deplorable and one is desirable and yet all I wanted is to experience the divine?

I will be up most nights trying to reconcile what is deplorable and desirable so I can arrive to that which is "divine". I kept asking why, why, why. And when I did not hear the answer, I consoled myself with "Do not ask to understand, do not want to understand". But I wanted to know, I do not want to go through life not knowing, not experiencing, not being the best I can be. And that wanting to know is almost asking, and so I received the answer - "When you learn to love him as yourself, you will know and experience "love without duty is divine".

Oh yeah??? and how am I supposed to do that? The Christians are taught to "love your neighbor as yourself" and every religion teaches the golden rule and yet, if your neighbor has a different skin color and speak different language, you find it hard to love them as yourself. When the neighboring country is economically depressed we build walls and fences on our borders so their citizen cannot come and take the jobs away from us. When we cannot keep up with the Jones-es, we cannot love them, we are in fact jealous and envious of them.

A silent prayer "Divinity within me, tell me how, tell me now, show me the way to feel love without duty so I can experience divinity". And so it is - I was told to grab anyone, face them and look into their eyes, really look and who do I see? I see myself, the reflection of me in the pupil of the other person's eye. Ahhh, that is indeed easy. Whenever I look at another and I focus on the pupil with my reflection, then there is only me, there is only One, there is no other - who am I loving? who am I hurting? who am I serving? where does duty come in? No wonder it is said that I separated myself from myself so I can love myself. No duty at all. Just love, pure love - no pressure, no condition, ever flowing, love without duty is divine.

Feel it, experience it, enjoy it.

DIVINITY WITHIN - Day 1 of 108 Days - "Every moment is a bhajan"

2010-04-07T19:25:00.000-07:00

DAY 1 - In 1983, I read a phrase from a holy man in India stating:
"Every moment is a bhajan". I have to find out what bhajan means and it is a simple song in soulful language, with origins in the ancient hymns of Vedas, expressing the many emotions of love for God; a song of praise to the One, the Source.

How can every moment be a song, a music that expresses our highest emotion to the One, the Source when every day we are bombarded with so many emotions mostly negative ones towards ourselves and our fellow human beings?

At the time I was searching for meaning, I was tired of living and ready to leave this body. My husband was an angry man. He knit picked and scream any chance he can - e.g. if you forget to dry the sink, if you did not turn off the faucet completely that a drop of water escaped from it, if there is dust on the table or tv screen and any other little/medium/big stuff that someone else did and is not to his likings.

If every day all I hear are screams and loud noises and put downs and blames, how then, can any one convince me that every moment is a song, a music that reminds us that we are all ONE, that there is only ONE? How can I hear a note every moment that will make my heart sing, or how can I know that even if we are not hearing it, that SONG is playing - a song of praise, a song of love, a song that if we can only hear will remind us and make us realize who we are, where we came from and where we are going?

So, as I was in the bedroom contemplating suicide, I figured what the heck, let me utter a silent question before I leave...."God in me, how can every moment be a song?" If only I can hear the music, then perhaps life is worth living. I wanted to understand so much that I actually started hearing some musical notes, then it was as if a bucket of knowledge / understanding was poured into me and filled my being that I actually looked up and around to see where it was coming from.

And I heard someone turned on the faucet and the water was pouring and it was producing the most melodic sound. My husband came into the bedroom and I can see from the look on his face and the movement of his lips and pointing fingers that he was screaming and yet all I can hear is sweet music coming from his inner being. How can it be so? I heard metals grinding and cars screeching and horn blowing and the siren of an ambulance and yet it was such a poignant sound that seems to express the highest expression of love known to man.

And so it is. Ask and you shall receive your answer. It was not what I was expecting, or maybe it was. It just came pouring that I was overwhelmed. It lasted for about 5 minutes or so and then the explanation was given:

"Listen to your heartbeat. Listen to your pulse. Listen to sound of your eyelids when it open and close. Listen to your breathing in and out inhaling and exhaling. It is such a simple song, expressing the love so divine that it animates this body, go within and listen. That song has been playing ever since, every moment of every hour of every day of every year - it is the primordial sound. That music never stop playing but you have forgotten to listen".

The song continued in my heart and mind and from that moment on, it has never stop. LISTEN, LISTEN to your heart's song.