Day 22 - My laptop didn't power up and since I just assumed that the battery is being charge while the ac adapter is hooked up, I was not paying attention to the % of battery life until it beeped to get my attention and I noticed there is only 2 minutes left. I even unscrewed the bottom portion and tried to tighten the yellow piece where you attach the power adapter but it was to no avail.
"The world itself is a great teacher, a constant guide and inspiration. That is the reason why man is surrounded and sustained by the world. Every bird, every animal, every tree, mountain and star and each tiny worm has a lesson for man, if he has but the will and the thirst to learn. These make the World a veritable University for man; it is a place where teacher and student both learn and grow together; where he is a pupil from birth to death."
When the IBM guy came and tried to fix it by putting a new yellow piece, it did not work either. I was told that since the mother board cost $400 and the yellow piece only cost $40, they sent the cheaper one first. And so it didn't work and I have to wait another day for them to send the expensive part. What a waste of time. If they just sent both and if one didn't work, the next item is available which would be a day saving.
So, for the first time in many, many days and months and years (5?) it was before midnite and I didn't know what to do. There is no laptop, no browser to type a search item or to google something.
I stared at the ceiling for almost an eternity and was beginning to count the number of shades that was casting a shadow on the ceiling when I thought about RV (Remote Viewing). And as I reflect on the RV steps - it was as if the whole ceiling became my laptop screen and I was staring at the browser. As I concentrate on the "center of my being", extend my body, raise my body 10 ft, 100 ft above the ground and then up to the galaxy and further and further away ... I realized there are so many steps while if I just have the browser constantly in my mind's eye, I can just type the address or the search parameter hit the go button and there I am where I wanted to be.
So yes, the world itself is a great teacher, a constant guide and inspiration. Whatever we are doing using our desktop, laptop, notebook blackberry and any other form of gizmo where we just type in what we want or what we are looking for and there it is, it spits it out in a few seconds - why not use it to do RV, RI and whatever else is necessary to practice the discipline needed for our crystalline body? How much longer will it take for the message, the lesson to sink in - as within, so without. Use whatever is manifesting outside inside (inner being) for that is where the physical manifestation started in the first place.
That is the reason why man is surrounded and sustained by the world. Every bird, every animal, every tree, mountain and star and each tiny worm has a lesson for man, if he has but the will and the thirst to learn. Sure, if he has the will and the thirst - but more often than not, he does not have the will or the thirst. Man is easily bored. He has been bombarded with diverse toys to entertain him that it only takes a few minutes/hours of playing time before he wants to change his toy again - in other words - the excitement wears off too fast that this newness becomes detrimental into perfecting something for he just does not have the attention span necessary to perfect a certain discipline.
If the World is a veritable University for man; if it is a school (place where teacher and student both learn and grow together) where he is a pupil from birth to death; why then does he not graduate? why does he keep coming back again and again? when will he remember what he already learned so he does not have to go through the same process again and again. What will it take for him to ascend to his rightful place in the hierarchy of beings?
? for now.
Be Well. Infinite Love and Gratitude always.
Friday, April 30, 2010
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
DIVINITY WITHIN - DAY 21 of 108 days - " Mind is like a clear mirror but it is made impure by our desires"
Day 21 - This day started before midnite and yet I will start with 2 a.m. when I got a call from a couple who agreed to have finalize a transaction with me and since we are about to close our deal tomorrow, the call is to let me know that the husband does not want to go through with it anymore. I said Ok, alright, Ok. That is fine with me. And I hang up. After a few minutes, the wife called explaining the situation and I said it is fine with me etc. etc. I then went to sleep peacefully.
It was fascinating to look back and know that I was not perturbed at all nor upset nor angry. As I try to remember it, I was thinking about the ocean or any body of water that is calm and quiet and if someone throw rocks at it, it will create a ripple. But there was no ripple at all, so it cannot be compared to a body of water. The mind is like a clear mirror, without desire, you are just looking at the exact reflection as it is - no changes, no impurities, no imperfection - just as it is. And you look and look, and all you have is an inner calm, inner peace. Nothing bothers you for you see it as it is.
As humans, anything that is different from the usual, from the norm trigger some kind of emotion within us - but if there is no difference, no change, we even cast a second glance and then just move on to the next.
I went to the mechanic just to have my car check since I noticed it is already 71,000 miles. He looked at it, informed me about the front brake pads and rotor need to be replace and it will cost $385. I told him that I only have $200 available for now so, I probably have to delay it and wait a little while longer. On my way home, I talked to a friend who suggested that I get another quote from CarX or another shop which I did and I was shown that both front and back pads and rotor need to be replaced and that I should not try driving on the expressway, the quote was $300 for front and $400 for back. I thought about the first mechanic who only mentioned the front and perhaps 10 yrs ago, I would have been huffing and puffing but this time, I just thougjht that he is a businessman doing business and knowing I only have limited amount of money, he only mentioned the front. But would it not endanger my life not knowing that the back need fixing, too?
Again, I have no desire to fix or not to fix anything in the car - I was just going with the flow and what will be will be. Therefore, the mirror is still clear and all is well and there is no sign of impurities.
BTW, around 9 p.m. the friend I wrote about who wanted to stay longer in his miseries and who claimed he is genetically predispose/dispose to such - called and since I was talking to someone else, I let it go to vm. Again, no desire to correct or judge or convert him to happier disposition, so, I just let it be and did not even call him back. I am at peace and calm and collected.
ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
Now, as I am writing this, I asked why would mind be made impure by our desires? If to desire is to long or hope for and if hope is a belief in positive outcome related to events and circumstances - what is wrong with that? when does impurities come in by desiring?
Lets take the first scenario and add desire to it. Lets say I was hoping to consummate the deal, I wanted to believe in teh positive outcome whether it is for me or the other party. If I am looking in the mirror, the reflection will not be whatever it is anymore. The desire, the hope, the craving for positive outcome will be reflected in the mirror. So, even though it is a positive energy, it still changes things. A distortion is added into the image, there is a noise in the picture.
Lets take the second scenario. If I added desire to get it done and I do not have in my possession the money necessary to get it fix, then my hope and desire for a cheaper price will cause me to reflect a different image in the mirror. I would probably be wanting to project the mechanic as a nicer guy who can be manipulated by a sad story or by a sweet smile or whatever. A mere hope changes things. Is it good? is it bad? neither. It is just not pure as it should be. It is still pure in its impurities. If we want to accept that, so be it.
The third scenario would also added a different reaction, with the hope of a different outcome.
It is said that most holy/sacred books exhorts all men to pursue the same holy desire. All hearts must be charged with the same good urge and all thoughts must be directed by noble motives towards holy ends.
It is said that there are 4 goals in the scriptures, laid down for humans namely:
1 - righteousness
2 - wealth/prosperity,
3 - moral desire
4 - liberation
And so it is that humans try to reach, achieve, accomplish the four goals. But it is said that to simplify it, we can just try and achieve righteous wealth of (wisdom) and have a moral desire for liberation. So, 2 goals instead of four. I like that. It is much easier.
It was fascinating to look back and know that I was not perturbed at all nor upset nor angry. As I try to remember it, I was thinking about the ocean or any body of water that is calm and quiet and if someone throw rocks at it, it will create a ripple. But there was no ripple at all, so it cannot be compared to a body of water. The mind is like a clear mirror, without desire, you are just looking at the exact reflection as it is - no changes, no impurities, no imperfection - just as it is. And you look and look, and all you have is an inner calm, inner peace. Nothing bothers you for you see it as it is.
As humans, anything that is different from the usual, from the norm trigger some kind of emotion within us - but if there is no difference, no change, we even cast a second glance and then just move on to the next.
I went to the mechanic just to have my car check since I noticed it is already 71,000 miles. He looked at it, informed me about the front brake pads and rotor need to be replace and it will cost $385. I told him that I only have $200 available for now so, I probably have to delay it and wait a little while longer. On my way home, I talked to a friend who suggested that I get another quote from CarX or another shop which I did and I was shown that both front and back pads and rotor need to be replaced and that I should not try driving on the expressway, the quote was $300 for front and $400 for back. I thought about the first mechanic who only mentioned the front and perhaps 10 yrs ago, I would have been huffing and puffing but this time, I just thougjht that he is a businessman doing business and knowing I only have limited amount of money, he only mentioned the front. But would it not endanger my life not knowing that the back need fixing, too?
Again, I have no desire to fix or not to fix anything in the car - I was just going with the flow and what will be will be. Therefore, the mirror is still clear and all is well and there is no sign of impurities.
BTW, around 9 p.m. the friend I wrote about who wanted to stay longer in his miseries and who claimed he is genetically predispose/dispose to such - called and since I was talking to someone else, I let it go to vm. Again, no desire to correct or judge or convert him to happier disposition, so, I just let it be and did not even call him back. I am at peace and calm and collected.
ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
Now, as I am writing this, I asked why would mind be made impure by our desires? If to desire is to long or hope for and if hope is a belief in positive outcome related to events and circumstances - what is wrong with that? when does impurities come in by desiring?
Lets take the first scenario and add desire to it. Lets say I was hoping to consummate the deal, I wanted to believe in teh positive outcome whether it is for me or the other party. If I am looking in the mirror, the reflection will not be whatever it is anymore. The desire, the hope, the craving for positive outcome will be reflected in the mirror. So, even though it is a positive energy, it still changes things. A distortion is added into the image, there is a noise in the picture.
Lets take the second scenario. If I added desire to get it done and I do not have in my possession the money necessary to get it fix, then my hope and desire for a cheaper price will cause me to reflect a different image in the mirror. I would probably be wanting to project the mechanic as a nicer guy who can be manipulated by a sad story or by a sweet smile or whatever. A mere hope changes things. Is it good? is it bad? neither. It is just not pure as it should be. It is still pure in its impurities. If we want to accept that, so be it.
The third scenario would also added a different reaction, with the hope of a different outcome.
It is said that most holy/sacred books exhorts all men to pursue the same holy desire. All hearts must be charged with the same good urge and all thoughts must be directed by noble motives towards holy ends.
It is said that there are 4 goals in the scriptures, laid down for humans namely:
1 - righteousness
2 - wealth/prosperity,
3 - moral desire
4 - liberation
And so it is that humans try to reach, achieve, accomplish the four goals. But it is said that to simplify it, we can just try and achieve righteous wealth of (wisdom) and have a moral desire for liberation. So, 2 goals instead of four. I like that. It is much easier.
ALL ARE MANIFESTATIONS OF THE ONE.
Monday, April 26, 2010
DIVINITY WITHIN - Day 20 of 108 Days - "VEGETARIANISM"
Day 20 -
"Today, let it be anyone, whether one deems himself a devotee or not, he should give up meat eating. Why? meat eating promotes only animal qualities. It has been well said that the food one consumes determines one's thoughts. By eating the flesh of various animals, the qualities of these animals are imbibed. How sinful is it to feed on animals, which are sustained by the same five elements as human beings! This leads to demonic tendencies, besides committing the sin of inflicting cruelty on animals. Hence, those who genuinely seek to become devotees of God have to give up non-vegetarian food. Calling themselves Sai devotees or devotees of Rama and Krishna, they fatten the chickens. How can they be deemed Sai devotees? How can God accept such a person as a devotee? Therefore, whether they are devotees in India or outside, they should give up from this instant meat eating. […] Therefore, those who aspire to become devotees of God must give up meat, liquor and smoking."
Sanathana Sarathi December 1994 p. 315
"I have been stressing the vital importance of people giving up this habit of eating non-vegetarian food even from my boyhood days. Meat eating fosters animal qualities in man making him descend to the demoniac level; it is a heart-rending sight to see cows being slaughtered to serve as food for man. The cow has been worshiped as mother in Bharat since ancient times... Cow-slaughter is reougnant to the culture of this country. The provision of drinking water to the people and putting an end to the killing of animals for food are two prime needs for the country to regain its pristine glory. Violence in any form is evil and to kill innocent animals in tantamount to blatant savagery. I bless the prime Minister (of India) and expect him to get there two things accomplished furing his tenure."
Sanathana Sarathi December 1994 p. 322
"... it is significant to note that those who live on vegetarian food are less prone to diseases, whereas non-vegetarians are subject to more diseases. Why? Because animal food is incompatible with the needs of the human body."
Summer Showers 1990, p. 34.
"Mother Easwaramma looked after her child [Sathya Narayena Raju] with love and care. Days rolled by and the child grew into a boy. He was mithabhashi and mithaahari (one who spoke less and ate less). Easwaramma was mystified by the strange behavior of her son. Usually children are fond of eating. Especially some people would prefer non-vegetarian items like fish or meat. But her son was totally averse to non-vegetarian food. He would not even visit the houses where non-vegetarian food was cooked. Seeing his noble qualities, Easwaramma realized that the child was not an ordinary one, but one of divine nature. Her eldest daughter Venkamma also recognized the divine nature of the child. Together, they brought up the child with love and care."
SSB, Divine Discorse on 23 Nov 2003
"In order to have sacred thoughts, give up the vices like consumption of non-vegetarian food, smoking and drinking intoxicants." (21 Nov 1999)
"There are certain habits. Members of the Organization should have some good habits. Jaisa Anna, Vaisa Mann - as is the food, so is the thought. As is the feeling so is the experience - Yad Bhavam Tad Bhavati. So we have to partake of food in a proper way. It is because of food that we have all sorts of durguna, duralochana and duschinta- bad habits, bad thoughts. So give up smoking. Also eschewing drinking. This alcoholism and smoking are ruining your health. One without health cannot achieve any small thing. Meat eating is also very bad. If you partake animal food, you will develop animal qualities. As is the food, so is the head. So you should have regulation of food. Then the fourth one is gambling. Those in the spiritual field should immediately give up smoking, drinking, meat eating and gambling. All these four are bad qualities.
You take this meat eating. Many people have to kill the animals because of your non-vegetarianism. You are responsible for the death of those animals. They are killed because you eat them. This is a sin. What a sin to kill innocent animals and eat them." (21 Nov 1995)
From the time of our birth till the time this body perishes, we are making many attempts to earn money and acquire food. In this process of amassing wealth, we are adopting means and methods which are adopted also by the birds and animals.
In the matter of acquiring food, different kinds of strength, abilities and skills are used by us but these very same skills are used by animals and birds as well. It is not right that we use all our knowledge and skill for doing just what the animals and birds also do. In the process of our spending all our energies in acquiring food, we are going far away from the aspect of Atma. For the purpose of feeding ourselves, many lives are being sacrificed. In this process of our searching for food, many things like trees, birds, fish and animals are being sacrificed. Because these various living things are being sacrificed and are merging with human beings, they have also been acquiring human lives in their rebirth. None of these Jivas are getting any chance of rising higher than human lives. The entire life is being spent in making an effort to be reborn after one's death, thus repeating the cycle of birth and death.
We are becoming slaves to the process of birth and death. We should not allow ourselves to become slaves to this process. We should make an attempt to become one with the great effulgent spirit.
Summer Showers in Brindavam, 1974
"On this sacred day of Vijaya Dasami take an oath to give up vices such as smoking, drinking and partaking of non-vegetarian food. Many do not realize the evil-effects of these bad habits. If a smoker blows air on a white handkerchief, he will find yellow spots on it. This is a sign of disease. Smoking leads to cancer. Drinking is a demonic quality. It makes you intoxicated and to forget yourself. Consuming non-vegetarian food is also a bad quality. When human body itself is made of flesh, where is the need to consume the flesh of birds and animals? You should partake of only sacred food. Only then you will have sacred feelings. For sacred thoughts and sacred deeds, sacred food is essential." (1 Oct 1998)
"The tongue should be engaged only in speaking the truth, in speaking sweetly and in consuming what is pleasant and wholesome for the body. Man degrades himself by consuming intoxicating drinks and non-vegetarian food and by indulging in smoking. These noxious habits affect the brain also." (6 Oct 1997)
"Nature can be modified by nurture; even dogs can cease to relish meat when they are trained to relish only vegetarian food".
SSS Vol XII, Chap. 36
"It is a fact that plants also have life like animals. But animals are endowed with mind, and nervous systems too while the plants do not possess the same. The animals cry and weep when they are being killed. It is not the case with plants; as such, equating killing of animals and destruction of plants is faulty logic. Further, killing the animals and eating their flesh leads to the creeping or dissemination of the animal qualities and behavior in to the man (meaning that man acquires the beastly qualities by eating animal flesh). Thus follows our acquiring the beastly qualities - tamasic nature - of the buffalos or the sheep. Hence, meat eating should be discarded.
Food conditions the nature of the mind. Mind guides the thinking. Thinking results in action. Actions lead to commensurate or matching results and effects. This chain of action between the food we eat and the results of our actions highlights the fact that meat eating leads to beastly actions and the concomitant evil effects."
The Avatar of Love, p. 132
"Acts and food which are to be eschewed.
Nishidda Karmas. These relate to acts which are to be eschewed. For instance, the spiritual aspirant has to observe certain regulations regarding food. He must totally eschew rajasic food like alcoholic drinks and meat. The nature of the food determines the nature of one' s thoughts,
feelings and actions. If one' s conduct is to be right and proper, one should carefully observe the
disciplines regarding diet."
SSS, Volume XXIX, Chap. 20
"There should be some regulations with regard to food. Many doctors emphasize the value of proteins and recommend meat, eggs, etc. But proteins got in this form serve only to build the body, but do considerable harm to the mind. Doctors are primarily concerned with the gross physical body. They pay little attention to the subtle form of the mental makeup. Most of the diseases that are prevalent in the world today are related to the mind. Mental illness seem to outnumber physical ailments. The Vedhaantha has declared that the mind is the cause of man' s bondage or liberation. This means that the mind has to be used properly and turned godwards. Equally the mind is responsible for health or sickness.
In this context, food is all important. Proteins are present in milk, curds and vegetables as much as in meat. If in the matter of diet, the doctors give the right prescription, diseases can be averted."
Discourse on 07-02-1993
"Meat is all right for those who concentrate on the body and want to have strength, but for spiritual aspirants it is not good."
Hislop, Jonh S., Conversation with SSB, p. 19
"You should not misunderstand and misinterpret what I say. It is my duty to convey to you the truth as is exist. Today the reason why the human population is increasing is because of the attitude of the people. For man to eke out his living to fill a small tummy of his, God has created plenty in the world. He has created a large amount of rice, a large amount of fruit, a alrge amount of wheat. While such good food has been created by Good, yet we go and eat meat and fish. And all the fish which we kill and eat are reborn as human beings."
Summer Showers in Brindavan 1977, p. 182
"Meat and alcoholic drinks take a heavy toll on man's health, causing many a disease in him".
SSB Discourse on 21-01-1994
"The third need is satwic food. This means that none of the edible items should be excessively sour, bitter or hot. You should eschew rajasic food like fish or meat. Even good satwic food should not be taken in excess. Some people consume so much of satwic food that even though it is satwa, it develops rajasic qualites. It is only satwic when you sit for the meal with a light stomach and get up from it with a light stomach! If you sit with a light stomach and get up with a weighty stomach, it becomes ramona."
SSB Discourse on 29-12-1985
"The third category is described as "Madhyapaanoratha daanavah" (One who is addicted to intoxicating drinks and meat eating and leads a sensuous life is a demonic being). Such a person is intensely selfish and has no feeling or consideration for others. A wicked person, swayed by evil motives and evil actions, is described as a demon."
SSB Discourse on 25-12-1991
"... with meat the body will get the proteins, but mental proteins will not be there. If you are keen on spiritual life, eating meat is not worthwhile; but if you are keen on wordly life, it is all right. There is another spiritual reason. When you kill an animal you give him suffering, pain, harm. God is in every creature, so how can you give such pain? Sometimes when someone beats a dog he cries, he feels so much pain. How much more pain then in killing. Animals did not come for the purpose of supplying food to human beings. They came to work out their own life in the world. When a human being is dead, the foxes and other animals may eat, but we have not come to provide food for those that eat the human body; we have not come for that ourpose. Similarly, man eats the animal, but the animal has not come to provide man with food."
Hislop, Jonh S., Conversation with SSB, p. 19
"Madhya paana ratho dushtah" (The demonic human being revels in intoxicating drinks). Eating meat and drinking liquor are demonic vices. Those indulging in drink lose all sense of propriety, have no compassion or love and become demons.
SSB Discourse on 03-07-1994
"How is individual transformation to be achieved? There are some bad habits among individuals such as smoking, drinking liquor, meat eating and gambling. These bad habits not only degrade the individuals but also inflict hardships on their families. These bad habits have to be given up for the individual to manifest his inherent goodness. One's personality can blossom only when he leads a mora life."
SSB Discourse on 07-02-1993
"Members of Sai Organizations should cultivate certain desirable practices. For instance, they should regulate their diet, because one's food influences ones thoughts. Smoking and intoxicating drinks have to be given up. They are ruinous for the health. Meat eating should also be given up because eating animal food promotes animal tendencies. The fourth evil that has to be ot rid of is gambling. Those who take to the Spiritual path should avoid as much as possible these four bad practices."
SSB Discourse on 21-11-1995
"It [meat] is not good for spiritual life which needs "mental proteins", and also because it means making an animal suffer and be killed."
Hislop, Jonh S., Conversation with SSB, p. 19-20
"But a little milk, butter and cheese are acceptable because no harm is done in obtaining them."
Hislop, Jonh S., Conversation with SSB, p. 20
Sunday, April 25, 2010
DIVINITY WITHIN - Day 19 of 108 Days - "Strive for the happiness, the joy of all others, as earnestly as you strive for your own"
Day 19 - April 25, 2010 - Sunday
"Strive for the happiness, the joy of all others, as earnestly as you strive for your own; strive for the peace of the world, as diligently as you strive for your own. That is true divinity, that is true humanity"
I am trying, really I am. But there are times when I seems to have this delusional belief that I can make a difference and I look around me and this person in front of me that just told me to leave him in his misery because he wanted to enjoy it a little longer, makes me feel that this is the fate of humanity (to wallow in misery) and I might as well accept it as my own and surrender gracefully - it is what it is and nothing can be done about it. Oppps...Sorry, I disagree vehemently.
I wanted to purge the toxins of unhappiness and misery from those around me and yet despite my tenacious efforts to do so, I am being told that I am too much for them because I am too happy and so much at peace when I should wallow in misery and unhappiness like they are.
So, what to do? Stay away. That is exactly what I did today.
A friend finally got the strength to break up with his on-again/off-again gf who'd been abusive for 5 years and he already have another gf on the side and he also realized that it is not working so he broke up with her, too. So, did not want to be alone on a nice sunday and I agreed to keep him company. Since I usually keep up to my name, I really enjoyed the brunch, the walk, even the talk and a good bottle of pomegranate wine. But, all this time he keeps saying he feels unhappy, kinda despondent and of course you can tell that he is miserable. I tried teaching him my happy, happy, joy song and he said not this time. And when I told him to snap out of it and pointed out so many things to be happy about, he said to leave him alone because he wanted to be miserable for a little while longer. That's it.
How can we "Strive for the happiness, the joy of all others, as earnestly as you strive for your own" when the others are not striving for it and does not want to put any effort at all. How can you do it?
How can we "Strive for the peace of the world, as diligently as you strive for your own. That is true divinity, that is true humanity". I am not getting this - how so if you are confronted with opposition here and there? You are striving and striving and the ones you are striving for are not willing. Do we give up? Do we stop being who we are? Do we allow other's action and attitude to dictate our actions?
I am who I am, I cannot be who I am not. I am peace, I am truth, I am love eternally. I am ever pure delight, I am always full and free. Fear and grief will never touch me.
And so it is.
P.S. Its a bit late but I just got this email from the friend I mentioned above:
"Just wanted to say sorry for being such a drag today. I'm feeling better now. I just sometimes get caught up in depression (its in my family genes), and its unfortunately not just a matter of talking myself out of it or singing a song...its actually a chemical imbalance in the brain, and it gets kind of stubborn at times."
My, my. What can I say. As humans who are brainwashed by what we read on the books and what the professionals tell us and what the society dictates - if it is in our family genes - then, it is. If it is a chemical imbalance, then it is. All I know is my own experience. I can talk myself out of it and I can sing a song or flush it in the toilet. AND SO IT IS.
"Strive for the happiness, the joy of all others, as earnestly as you strive for your own; strive for the peace of the world, as diligently as you strive for your own. That is true divinity, that is true humanity"
I am trying, really I am. But there are times when I seems to have this delusional belief that I can make a difference and I look around me and this person in front of me that just told me to leave him in his misery because he wanted to enjoy it a little longer, makes me feel that this is the fate of humanity (to wallow in misery) and I might as well accept it as my own and surrender gracefully - it is what it is and nothing can be done about it. Oppps...Sorry, I disagree vehemently.
I wanted to purge the toxins of unhappiness and misery from those around me and yet despite my tenacious efforts to do so, I am being told that I am too much for them because I am too happy and so much at peace when I should wallow in misery and unhappiness like they are.
So, what to do? Stay away. That is exactly what I did today.
A friend finally got the strength to break up with his on-again/off-again gf who'd been abusive for 5 years and he already have another gf on the side and he also realized that it is not working so he broke up with her, too. So, did not want to be alone on a nice sunday and I agreed to keep him company. Since I usually keep up to my name, I really enjoyed the brunch, the walk, even the talk and a good bottle of pomegranate wine. But, all this time he keeps saying he feels unhappy, kinda despondent and of course you can tell that he is miserable. I tried teaching him my happy, happy, joy song and he said not this time. And when I told him to snap out of it and pointed out so many things to be happy about, he said to leave him alone because he wanted to be miserable for a little while longer. That's it.
How can we "Strive for the happiness, the joy of all others, as earnestly as you strive for your own" when the others are not striving for it and does not want to put any effort at all. How can you do it?
How can we "Strive for the peace of the world, as diligently as you strive for your own. That is true divinity, that is true humanity". I am not getting this - how so if you are confronted with opposition here and there? You are striving and striving and the ones you are striving for are not willing. Do we give up? Do we stop being who we are? Do we allow other's action and attitude to dictate our actions?
I am who I am, I cannot be who I am not. I am peace, I am truth, I am love eternally. I am ever pure delight, I am always full and free. Fear and grief will never touch me.
And so it is.
P.S. Its a bit late but I just got this email from the friend I mentioned above:
"Just wanted to say sorry for being such a drag today. I'm feeling better now. I just sometimes get caught up in depression (its in my family genes), and its unfortunately not just a matter of talking myself out of it or singing a song...its actually a chemical imbalance in the brain, and it gets kind of stubborn at times."
My, my. What can I say. As humans who are brainwashed by what we read on the books and what the professionals tell us and what the society dictates - if it is in our family genes - then, it is. If it is a chemical imbalance, then it is. All I know is my own experience. I can talk myself out of it and I can sing a song or flush it in the toilet. AND SO IT IS.
Friday, April 23, 2010
DIVINITY WITHIN - Day 18 of 108 Days - "I WANT"
Day 18 - A dear friend (a chalk artist) from Charlotte, NC read day 3 of 108 Days and sent me this:
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After we talked I sat here awhile and this came to me, maybe through the open window, maybe from the divinity within... I hope you like it...
For Joy...
It is going to rain and I want to share the rainy night with someone....
I want...
The night breeze through my window touches my skin and I want how it feels to last...
I want...
I write words and I want to express exactly what I think and feel, I want the other mind that reads my words to see exactly my thought...
I want...
I paint and I want my painting to reflect exactly my perfect vision, then, I want the viewer to use my imperfect painting as a lens to see my perfect vision...
I want...
I think and I want to speak, I speak and I want to be heard...
I want...
I see so much that I want to know...
I want...
I see a girl and I want to be with her...
I want...
I am here and I want to be there...
I want...
I am doing this and I want to do that...
I want...
I have and I want...
I want...
I am and I want to be...
I want...
I play my piano and I enjoy every note, every note is the perfect note for that moment, I feel that I am outside of the day and I am not sure if I have been playing for a few minutes or a few years. All I know is that...
I do not want....
It is going to rain and I want to share the rainy night with someone....
I want..."
************************************************************************************
It is so poignant and it resonate to the core of my being and I remember Sathya Sai Baba telling the story of a woman who claimed she wanted to merge with God. And she was asked if she is ready at that moment because she can merge right there and then and the woman was totally shocked and said no, she needed to take care of some things first etc. etc. - in other words, she voiced about something she wanted but when told that she can have it, she refused for she is not ready for it.
So, it is said that when we want something we say "I WANT....WHATEVER". If we remove the "I" which is the ego, we remove the "WANT" which is the desire, there we have whatever we want. It is always there. There is no need to want it. But by associating with the body, the ego "I" desire something and wants to possess it, own it. But since whatever it is has always been there, always is and always will be - then how can anyone possess it? And how can anyone exist if there is only one "I" not 2I or 3I or 4I?
The writer of the purple poem writes about sharing, lasting, perfecting, exacting, progressing, merging, knowing. All of the above is inherent in humankind. We want to share naturally because deep within we know that we are really all one. We always strive for lasting relationship, lasting feeling, lasting everything for inherently, we are aware that we are immortal - not this body, not this mind. We want perfection for that is who we are, and yet, because we are in the body, sometimes its harder to attain it and we end up giving up and settle for less than perfection.
All this wonderful, positive feelings, we should nurture and strive for but because we are bombarded by a lot of negatives from the outside, we get sapped into the world of negativity. Let us try the CIA - Constant Integrated Awareness and let us protect ourselves with the light.
I am light, glowing light, radiating light, intensified light.
God consumes my darkness, transmuting it into light.
Be Well,
I AM LIGHT
*********************************************************************************
After we talked I sat here awhile and this came to me, maybe through the open window, maybe from the divinity within... I hope you like it...
For Joy...
It is going to rain and I want to share the rainy night with someone....
I want...
The night breeze through my window touches my skin and I want how it feels to last...
I want...
I write words and I want to express exactly what I think and feel, I want the other mind that reads my words to see exactly my thought...
I want...
I paint and I want my painting to reflect exactly my perfect vision, then, I want the viewer to use my imperfect painting as a lens to see my perfect vision...
I want...
I think and I want to speak, I speak and I want to be heard...
I want...
I see so much that I want to know...
I want...
I see a girl and I want to be with her...
I want...
I am here and I want to be there...
I want...
I am doing this and I want to do that...
I want...
I have and I want...
I want...
I am and I want to be...
I want...
I play my piano and I enjoy every note, every note is the perfect note for that moment, I feel that I am outside of the day and I am not sure if I have been playing for a few minutes or a few years. All I know is that...
I do not want....
It is going to rain and I want to share the rainy night with someone....
I want..."
************************************************************************************
It is so poignant and it resonate to the core of my being and I remember Sathya Sai Baba telling the story of a woman who claimed she wanted to merge with God. And she was asked if she is ready at that moment because she can merge right there and then and the woman was totally shocked and said no, she needed to take care of some things first etc. etc. - in other words, she voiced about something she wanted but when told that she can have it, she refused for she is not ready for it.
So, it is said that when we want something we say "I WANT....WHATEVER". If we remove the "I" which is the ego, we remove the "WANT" which is the desire, there we have whatever we want. It is always there. There is no need to want it. But by associating with the body, the ego "I" desire something and wants to possess it, own it. But since whatever it is has always been there, always is and always will be - then how can anyone possess it? And how can anyone exist if there is only one "I" not 2I or 3I or 4I?
The writer of the purple poem writes about sharing, lasting, perfecting, exacting, progressing, merging, knowing. All of the above is inherent in humankind. We want to share naturally because deep within we know that we are really all one. We always strive for lasting relationship, lasting feeling, lasting everything for inherently, we are aware that we are immortal - not this body, not this mind. We want perfection for that is who we are, and yet, because we are in the body, sometimes its harder to attain it and we end up giving up and settle for less than perfection.
All this wonderful, positive feelings, we should nurture and strive for but because we are bombarded by a lot of negatives from the outside, we get sapped into the world of negativity. Let us try the CIA - Constant Integrated Awareness and let us protect ourselves with the light.
I am light, glowing light, radiating light, intensified light.
God consumes my darkness, transmuting it into light.
Be Well,
I AM LIGHT
DIVINITY WITHIN - Day 17 of 108 Days - "What is important is that which comes from inside"
Day 17 - what did you do today? what were your thoughts, what action did you do, what did you speak about? We spend so much time thinking, doing and talking of all the trivial things and we have no time for the really important things. What is the important thing?
"That which happens physically on the outside in terms of actions is not of major importance. What is important is that which comes from inside".
So, that which comes from inside is what's IMPORTANT. Not what happens on the outside. How so?Here is another quote from SSB "The harder the circumstances, the more trying the environment, the stronger are those who come out of those circumstances".
Most of my adult circumstances seemed hard, harder than most people I know. And of course, the environment that I have been put through are very, very trying. And did I come out stronger? Strange but I have never thought of myself as weak - the word never cross my mind - that being the case, how can I say if I came out stronger? Since I never entertained the word "weak", I never entertained its opposite either. AHA - equanimity again - balance. Does it really mean that I always have equanimity?
Perhaps. If so, then it is easier to understand what it means when that which happens physically on the outside in terms of actions is not of major importance. What is important is that which comes from inside. Because if we are here to experience - whatever it is we decided we want to experience - things will then happen physically on the outside, meaning actions will be performed for our benefit (so we can experience) tho' most of the time, we cannot co-relate the happenings or incident because we still experience linear time, so we cannot see the big picture. If we can see and understand that the past, the present and the future is happening simultaneously, then it would be much easier to see and say "it is what it is, but it is not really" (divine dichotomy). What has to happen will happen.
If that is so, what is happening outside is just a reflection (of what is inside) - it is not of major importance. Reaction is what comes from inside - that is important because, your reaction will determine the resound and the next reflection. WHAT???
Ok, I checked most of the discourses and explanations (if any) re:reflection, reaction and resound. And the 3 are used together all the time. But, what does it really mean - how does it relate to the simple and trivial things in life? The way I am understanding it is that for every action, there is a reaction. And my reaction will then end up in my inner savings account. The next time something happen, it is just a reflection of what is in my inner savings account - so whatever happen, it is just telling me "Ok, here is your inner bank statement, what do you think of it?" Technically, we should analyze it, then balance it and if it out of balance, we must correct it. But, when something happen (statement is presented to us), we react right away instead of analyzing, balancing and correcting. And as mentioned earlier, reaction get deposited in the account. So we keep accumulating and accumulating without balancing and correcting. Still, we are given another chance by "resound" meaning echo. If we are not doing any balancing and correcting, we then hear the echo of that imbalance. If we still do not hear the echo and we continue without correction, what then?
First, by reflection we are reminded of what needs correction, second, by resound we hear the the discordant note and if we still do not get it, the third time, we get hit in the head. And it finally cracked, and we get the AHA moments.
This seems quite long now, and if this is still not digestible, we will probably take this issue for another round in the coming days.
All for now, with Infinite Love and Gratitude always,
I am - and so it is.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
DIVINITY WITHIN - Day 16 of 108 Days - "The treasure that is precious is the quality of even mindedness in all situations"
Day 16 - The treasure that is precious is the quality of even mindedness in all situations - I want that treasure. It seems that I have some of it but not a lot. And most of the times I can dig into the treasure and use it and enjoy it and then at times, when I needed it most it is gone - where did it go?
"The treasure that is precious is the quality of even mindedness in all situations".
If I am going to try and dissect the above, first there is the treasure, then there is precious treasure and of the precious treasure, there is a quality involve. And the one I want is the quality of even mindedness in ALL situations - that is the precious I want, indeed. And at this stage, it seems that I have to hone my skill for that even mindedness in ALL situations.
I thought about this and I was going to write about " the joy of being the master of senses " and I already wrote the title and the fonts and colors and then as I wrote day 16, I just started typing about the treasure... And I seem to remember I already wrote about equanimity. So I went back and found it on day 7. My first reaction is why write about it again, it would be the same thing and yet what stands out is the word "quality" and "all situations".
On day 7, I wrote on how I can practice and experience EQUANIMITY. I even wrote that I know that the emotions brought back by past experiences may come back and affect me but I already have the tools. And I am ready to put the tools into good use.
And so it is - Today, I have to put the "tools" to good use. I was in the basement and was folding the blankets that I washed when my angel came and with a raised voice and anger that was meant to check and see if I will put the "tools" to good use. I use part of it, but the reason for the anger seems unreasonable that out of old habit, I tried to reason out and then I realized, it is of no use to reason out with someone who cannot see reason so I just let it go. I called another angel to sort of vent and soon we were both laughing.
Then, as time passed by, I felt like it is day 7 again and I have to ace this test otherwise I will have to take it again and again until I perfected the process. Well (wishing well), I have to take it again because I let my emotion take over and the tears started to fall. WHY oh WHY? SOS SOS SOS SOS SOS SOS SOS SOS SOS.
I became attached to the body. A plate of shit was offered to me and if I refused to accept it, then the giver will be the one to stink but I accepted it later on and the shit started to stink that caused the emotion to well up and affected me.
I did not hear the song. There is no love, no duty, no miracle. Nothing happened. And yet there was sorrow and pain for within a short moment I identified with the body and my peace and joy went down the drain.
Amidst all this, I can still be a witness and I am well aware that JOY is an interval between two pains, meaning - there are more pain in this world than you can imagine. The joy in the interim carry us through the ups and downs of life. Is there no way to avoid the two pains and just have the joy? Who knows. Does it matter? It comes back to what an RV instructor once said - the reason we come back again and again (why we experience 2 pains and joy in between) is because we engaged in melodrama of life. Once we stop participating in the drama, the experience end. Was I engaging? Was I participating? Of course, I am here am I not? But...but...but...
But what? When I do not want it anymore, I will not be here anymore. Obviously, I am getting something from this, else it wouldn't be. The environment is not conducive right now but it is convenient for me. I am waiting for the sale of one building and while waiting, part of it is the melodrama. I just need to continue to hone my skills, use the tool and realize my HIGHEST POTENTIAL.
And so it is, and so it shall be.
I AM VICTORY, VICTORY, VICTORY in practicing EQUANIMITY in ALL situations.
"The treasure that is precious is the quality of even mindedness in all situations".
If I am going to try and dissect the above, first there is the treasure, then there is precious treasure and of the precious treasure, there is a quality involve. And the one I want is the quality of even mindedness in ALL situations - that is the precious I want, indeed. And at this stage, it seems that I have to hone my skill for that even mindedness in ALL situations.
I thought about this and I was going to write about " the joy of being the master of senses " and I already wrote the title and the fonts and colors and then as I wrote day 16, I just started typing about the treasure... And I seem to remember I already wrote about equanimity. So I went back and found it on day 7. My first reaction is why write about it again, it would be the same thing and yet what stands out is the word "quality" and "all situations".
On day 7, I wrote on how I can practice and experience EQUANIMITY. I even wrote that I know that the emotions brought back by past experiences may come back and affect me but I already have the tools. And I am ready to put the tools into good use.
And so it is - Today, I have to put the "tools" to good use. I was in the basement and was folding the blankets that I washed when my angel came and with a raised voice and anger that was meant to check and see if I will put the "tools" to good use. I use part of it, but the reason for the anger seems unreasonable that out of old habit, I tried to reason out and then I realized, it is of no use to reason out with someone who cannot see reason so I just let it go. I called another angel to sort of vent and soon we were both laughing.
Then, as time passed by, I felt like it is day 7 again and I have to ace this test otherwise I will have to take it again and again until I perfected the process. Well (wishing well), I have to take it again because I let my emotion take over and the tears started to fall. WHY oh WHY? SOS SOS SOS SOS SOS SOS SOS SOS SOS.
I became attached to the body. A plate of shit was offered to me and if I refused to accept it, then the giver will be the one to stink but I accepted it later on and the shit started to stink that caused the emotion to well up and affected me.
I did not hear the song. There is no love, no duty, no miracle. Nothing happened. And yet there was sorrow and pain for within a short moment I identified with the body and my peace and joy went down the drain.
Amidst all this, I can still be a witness and I am well aware that JOY is an interval between two pains, meaning - there are more pain in this world than you can imagine. The joy in the interim carry us through the ups and downs of life. Is there no way to avoid the two pains and just have the joy? Who knows. Does it matter? It comes back to what an RV instructor once said - the reason we come back again and again (why we experience 2 pains and joy in between) is because we engaged in melodrama of life. Once we stop participating in the drama, the experience end. Was I engaging? Was I participating? Of course, I am here am I not? But...but...but...
But what? When I do not want it anymore, I will not be here anymore. Obviously, I am getting something from this, else it wouldn't be. The environment is not conducive right now but it is convenient for me. I am waiting for the sale of one building and while waiting, part of it is the melodrama. I just need to continue to hone my skills, use the tool and realize my HIGHEST POTENTIAL.
And so it is, and so it shall be.
I AM VICTORY, VICTORY, VICTORY in practicing EQUANIMITY in ALL situations.
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