DIVINITY WITHIN - Day 26 of 108 Days - "Your life is really like a tapestry...how beautiful you have become"

Day 26 - I read an email and somehow the happenings in the last 24 hours just compounded and made me react and I replied in a way that the sender was offended. I then send another email explaining why I wrote what I wrote and apologized for any hurt I caused and that I didn't mean it the way she understood and took the context. But rather than accept it, she lashed out with anger and frustrations and all the sarcasms she can muster and stating with such finality the following:

"I will not allow you to disturb my peace. Goodbye.

I do not wish to have any contact with you . Believe what you want to believe. That is your choice.

In the end , LET US SEE WHO SLEEPS SOUNDLY AT NIGHT. GOODBYE."

The good thing is she stated that she will not allow for her peace to be disturb. I am very happy to hear that. The sad thing is - it seemed like she did not read my email at all, it seemed like she was reading a letter in her head for when I wrote "you and I" she only seemed to see the "I". How many times have we done this, seeing only what we wanted to see, hearing what we wanted to hear, and yet when our anger subsides and we give ourselves a second chance, we realized that what we thought we saw was not really there. But because we allow anger to come into our hearts, then it added colour to our vision and we then see what is not really there.

Our vision of the world is a reflection of ourselves. This is really profound and yet if we are not ready to accept it, we will again point a finger at someone else just to make us feel better. How often do we tell ourselves that we are a victim and there is a victimizer out there - why do we do it? In reality there are not victims and no victimizers. But if we believe that, then the story ends and we want to story to continue else we will not be able to play our parts. So, no matter how messy this life seems at times, let us see it as a tapestry and look at the finished product. Let us see how beautiful we have become.

"Your life is really like a tapestry. You look at one side and see all the disconnected and loose ends, and say, 'What a mess my life is!' God sees the finished product on the other side and sighs, 'How beautiful you have become!"

And so it is.

And so it is that I stopped writing because on day 25 I wrote "Think before speaking; Think before acting; Then go ahead, If you feel good about it. "

And then on day 26, I did think after reading that email and I thought about replying to her and I did not feel good about it and yet I replied anyways. I broke the commandment - go ahead only if I feel good about it. That is why I stop writing. I could not relate to someone having so much anger in their heart that they cannot see reason. I could not relate to someone who would rather bury the love in their hearts and not choose forgiveness but prefer to lash back and and laced their sarcasm with venom (knowing full well that they are hurting, why then do they continue to do it? if this masochist attitude programmed in our DNA, is there a way we can reprogram it if it does not serve us anymore?) What prevents us from acknowledging someones explanation and accepting an apology?

It is said that ANGER is the highest form of ego (EGO meaning Egging God Out), why then do people who who hold on to their anger for so long are the ones who vehemently deny that they are an egotistical being? I wanted to feel good again before going back to my normal routine of writing. I feel that people who are angry are really hurting. But how to reach them? How to alleviate their pain? Perhaps, they still need the pain - it is possible that the pain is serving some kind of purpose.

And so I let go of trying to ease other's pain if they still needed it. I let go of trying to make someone happy when they still want to linger in their misery a little longer. I let go of time that beholds me into writing when I was questioning the purpose of such. I did many things and it made me feel good, but not enough to make me write again. This situation just prove that life is like a tapestry. We are indeed disconnected and loose on one side - the side where the human eyes are looking at and yet we are all connected and finished/complete as can be on the side where the divine eyes is cast upon.

When I look at something and I feel anger and hatred, it must be the human eyes looking at the disconnected and loose side. If I am aware of such, why then will I want to continue feeling anger and hatred knowing that it will only perpetuate the view of disconnectedness and dissonance? Remember my friend who told me to leave him in his miseries for he wanted to wallow in it for a while? Remember the story of Indra who was turned into a pig as punishment and when Narada came to fetch him back to heaven, he refused for he enjoyed being a pig bathing in the mud and cannot comprehend that he was actually a god who came down from heaven.

All things that are good, all things that are bright and beautiful; these I should contemplate upon, these I should look at, these I should ponder. For...

I am light, glowing light, radiating light. God consumes my darkness transmuting it into light.

Let the light glow brighter and brighter, let it vibrate faster and faster.

Check this out: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PuSLqaW5W-8&feature=related