DIVINITY WITHIN - Day 22 of 108 Days - "The World itself is a great teacher, a constant guide and inspiration"

Day 22 - My laptop didn't power up and since I just assumed that the battery is being charge while the ac adapter is hooked up, I was not paying attention to the % of battery life until it beeped to get my attention and I noticed there is only 2 minutes left. I even unscrewed the bottom portion and tried to tighten the yellow piece where you attach the power adapter but it was to no avail.

"The world itself is a great teacher, a constant guide and inspiration. That is the reason why man is surrounded and sustained by the world. Every bird, every animal, every tree, mountain and star and each tiny worm has a lesson for man, if he has but the will and the thirst to learn. These make the World a veritable University for man; it is a place where teacher and student both learn and grow together; where he is a pupil from birth to death."

When the IBM guy came and tried to fix it by putting a new yellow piece, it did not work either. I was told that since the mother board cost $400 and the yellow piece only cost $40, they sent the cheaper one first. And so it didn't work and I have to wait another day for them to send the expensive part. What a waste of time. If they just sent both and if one didn't work, the next item is available which would be a day saving.

So, for the first time in many, many days and months and years (5?) it was before midnite and I didn't know what to do. There is no laptop, no browser to type a search item or to google something.

I stared at the ceiling for almost an eternity and was beginning to count the number of shades that was casting a shadow on the ceiling when I thought about RV (Remote Viewing). And as I reflect on the RV steps - it was as if the whole ceiling became my laptop screen and I was staring at the browser. As I concentrate on the "center of my being", extend my body, raise my body 10 ft, 100 ft above the ground and then up to the galaxy and further and further away ... I realized there are so many steps while if I just have the browser constantly in my mind's eye, I can just type the address or the search parameter hit the go button and there I am where I wanted to be.

So yes, the world itself is a great teacher, a constant guide and inspiration. Whatever we are doing using our desktop, laptop, notebook blackberry and any other form of gizmo where we just type in what we want or what we are looking for and there it is, it spits it out in a few seconds - why not use it to do RV, RI and whatever else is necessary to practice the discipline needed for our crystalline body? How much longer will it take for the message, the lesson to sink in - as within, so without. Use whatever is manifesting outside inside (inner being) for that is where the physical manifestation started in the first place.

That is the reason why man is surrounded and sustained by the world. Every bird, every animal, every tree, mountain and star and each tiny worm has a lesson for man, if he has but the will and the thirst to learn. Sure, if he has the will and the thirst - but more often than not, he does not have the will or the thirst. Man is easily bored. He has been bombarded with diverse toys to entertain him that it only takes a few minutes/hours of playing time before he wants to change his toy again - in other words - the excitement wears off too fast that this newness becomes detrimental into perfecting something for he just does not have the attention span necessary to perfect a certain discipline.

If the World is a veritable University for man; if it is a school (place where teacher and student both learn and grow together) where he is a pupil from birth to death; why then does he not graduate? why does he keep coming back again and again? when will he remember what he already learned so he does not have to go through the same process again and again. What will it take for him to ascend to his rightful place in the hierarchy of beings?

? for now.

Be Well. Infinite Love and Gratitude always.

DIVINITY WITHIN - DAY 21 of 108 days - " Mind is like a clear mirror but it is made impure by our desires"

Day 21 - This day started before midnite and yet I will start with 2 a.m. when I got a call from a couple who agreed to have finalize a transaction with me and since we are about to close our deal tomorrow, the call is to let me know that the husband does not want to go through with it anymore. I said Ok, alright, Ok. That is fine with me. And I hang up. After a few minutes, the wife called explaining the situation and I said it is fine with me etc. etc. I then went to sleep peacefully.

It was fascinating to look back and know that I was not perturbed at all nor upset nor angry. As I try to remember it, I was thinking about the ocean or any body of water that is calm and quiet and if someone throw rocks at it, it will create a ripple. But there was no ripple at all, so it cannot be compared to a body of water. The mind is like a clear mirror, without desire, you are just looking at the exact reflection as it is - no changes, no impurities, no imperfection - just as it is. And you look and look, and all you have is an inner calm, inner peace. Nothing bothers you for you see it as it is.

As humans, anything that is different from the usual, from the norm trigger some kind of emotion within us - but if there is no difference, no change, we even cast a second glance and then just move on to the next.

I went to the mechanic just to have my car check since I noticed it is already 71,000 miles. He looked at it, informed me about the front brake pads and rotor need to be replace and it will cost $385. I told him that I only have $200 available for now so, I probably have to delay it and wait a little while longer. On my way home, I talked to a friend who suggested that I get another quote from CarX or another shop which I did and I was shown that both front and back pads and rotor need to be replaced and that I should not try driving on the expressway, the quote was $300 for front and $400 for back. I thought about the first mechanic who only mentioned the front and perhaps 10 yrs ago, I would have been huffing and puffing but this time, I just thougjht that he is a businessman doing business and knowing I only have limited amount of money, he only mentioned the front. But would it not endanger my life not knowing that the back need fixing, too?

Again, I have no desire to fix or not to fix anything in the car - I was just going with the flow and what will be will be. Therefore, the mirror is still clear and all is well and there is no sign of impurities.

BTW, around 9 p.m. the friend I wrote about who wanted to stay longer in his miseries and who claimed he is genetically predispose/dispose to such - called and since I was talking to someone else, I let it go to vm. Again, no desire to correct or judge or convert him to happier disposition, so, I just let it be and did not even call him back. I am at peace and calm and collected.

ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

Now, as I am writing this, I asked why would mind be made impure by our desires? If to desire is to long or hope for and if hope is a belief in positive outcome related to events and circumstances - what is wrong with that? when does impurities come in by desiring?

Lets take the first scenario and add desire to it. Lets say I was hoping to consummate the deal, I wanted to believe in teh positive outcome whether it is for me or the other party. If I am looking in the mirror, the reflection will not be whatever it is anymore. The desire, the hope, the craving for positive outcome will be reflected in the mirror. So, even though it is a positive energy, it still changes things. A distortion is added into the image, there is a noise in the picture.

Lets take the second scenario. If I added desire to get it done and I do not have in my possession the money necessary to get it fix, then my hope and desire for a cheaper price will cause me to reflect a different image in the mirror. I would probably be wanting to project the mechanic as a nicer guy who can be manipulated by a sad story or by a sweet smile or whatever. A mere hope changes things. Is it good? is it bad? neither. It is just not pure as it should be. It is still pure in its impurities. If we want to accept that, so be it.

The third scenario would also added a different reaction, with the hope of a different outcome.

It is said that most holy/sacred books exhorts all men to pursue the same holy desire. All hearts must be charged with the same good urge and all thoughts must be directed by noble motives towards holy ends.

It is said that there are 4 goals in the scriptures, laid down for humans namely:
1 - righteousness
2 - wealth/prosperity,
3 - moral desire
4 - liberation

And so it is that humans try to reach, achieve, accomplish the four goals. But it is said that to simplify it, we can just try and achieve righteous wealth of (wisdom) and have a moral desire for liberation. So, 2 goals instead of four. I like that. It is much easier.

ALL ARE MANIFESTATIONS OF THE ONE.

DIVINITY WITHIN - Day 20 of 108 Days - "VEGETARIANISM"

Day 20 -

"Today, let it be anyone, whether one deems himself a devotee or not, he should give up meat eating. Why? meat eating promotes only animal qualities. It has been well said that the food one consumes determines one's thoughts. By eating the flesh of various animals, the qualities of these animals are imbibed. How sinful is it to feed on animals, which are sustained by the same five elements as human beings! This leads to demonic tendencies, besides committing the sin of inflicting cruelty on animals. Hence, those who genuinely seek to become devotees of God have to give up non-vegetarian food. Calling themselves Sai devotees or devotees of Rama and Krishna, they fatten the chickens. How can they be deemed Sai devotees? How can God accept such a person as a devotee? Therefore, whether they are devotees in India or outside, they should give up from this instant meat eating. […] Therefore, those who aspire to become devotees of God must give up meat, liquor and smoking."

Sanathana Sarathi December 1994 p. 315

"I have been stressing the vital importance of people giving up this habit of eating non-vegetarian food even from my boyhood days. Meat eating fosters animal qualities in man making him descend to the demoniac level; it is a heart-rending sight to see cows being slaughtered to serve as food for man. The cow has been worshiped as mother in Bharat since ancient times... Cow-slaughter is reougnant to the culture of this country. The provision of drinking water to the people and putting an end to the killing of animals for food are two prime needs for the country to regain its pristine glory. Violence in any form is evil and to kill innocent animals in tantamount to blatant savagery. I bless the prime Minister (of India) and expect him to get there two things accomplished furing his tenure."

Sanathana Sarathi December 1994 p. 322

"... it is significant to note that those who live on vegetarian food are less prone to diseases, whereas non-vegetarians are subject to more diseases. Why? Because animal food is incompatible with the needs of the human body."

Summer Showers 1990, p. 34.

"Mother Easwaramma looked after her child [Sathya Narayena Raju] with love and care. Days rolled by and the child grew into a boy. He was mithabhashi and mithaahari (one who spoke less and ate less). Easwaramma was mystified by the strange behavior of her son. Usually children are fond of eating. Especially some people would prefer non-vegetarian items like fish or meat. But her son was totally averse to non-vegetarian food. He would not even visit the houses where non-vegetarian food was cooked. Seeing his noble qualities, Easwaramma realized that the child was not an ordinary one, but one of divine nature. Her eldest daughter Venkamma also recognized the divine nature of the child. Together, they brought up the child with love and care."

SSB, Divine Discorse on 23 Nov 2003

"In order to have sacred thoughts, give up the vices like consumption of non-vegetarian food, smoking and drinking intoxicants." (21 Nov 1999)

"There are certain habits. Members of the Organization should have some good habits. Jaisa Anna, Vaisa Mann - as is the food, so is the thought. As is the feeling so is the experience - Yad Bhavam Tad Bhavati. So we have to partake of food in a proper way. It is because of food that we have all sorts of durguna, duralochana and duschinta- bad habits, bad thoughts. So give up smoking. Also eschewing drinking. This alcoholism and smoking are ruining your health. One without health cannot achieve any small thing. Meat eating is also very bad. If you partake animal food, you will develop animal qualities. As is the food, so is the head. So you should have regulation of food. Then the fourth one is gambling. Those in the spiritual field should immediately give up smoking, drinking, meat eating and gambling. All these four are bad qualities.

You take this meat eating. Many people have to kill the animals because of your non-vegetarianism. You are responsible for the death of those animals. They are killed because you eat them. This is a sin. What a sin to kill innocent animals and eat them." (21 Nov 1995)

From the time of our birth till the time this body perishes, we are making many attempts to earn money and acquire food. In this process of amassing wealth, we are adopting means and methods which are adopted also by the birds and animals.

In the matter of acquiring food, different kinds of strength, abilities and skills are used by us but these very same skills are used by animals and birds as well. It is not right that we use all our knowledge and skill for doing just what the animals and birds also do. In the process of our spending all our energies in acquiring food, we are going far away from the aspect of Atma. For the purpose of feeding ourselves, many lives are being sacrificed. In this process of our searching for food, many things like trees, birds, fish and animals are being sacrificed. Because these various living things are being sacrificed and are merging with human beings, they have also been acquiring human lives in their rebirth. None of these Jivas are getting any chance of rising higher than human lives. The entire life is being spent in making an effort to be reborn after one's death, thus repeating the cycle of birth and death.

We are becoming slaves to the process of birth and death. We should not allow ourselves to become slaves to this process. We should make an attempt to become one with the great effulgent spirit.

Summer Showers in Brindavam, 1974

"On this sacred day of Vijaya Dasami take an oath to give up vices such as smoking, drinking and partaking of non-vegetarian food. Many do not realize the evil-effects of these bad habits. If a smoker blows air on a white handkerchief, he will find yellow spots on it. This is a sign of disease. Smoking leads to cancer. Drinking is a demonic quality. It makes you intoxicated and to forget yourself. Consuming non-vegetarian food is also a bad quality. When human body itself is made of flesh, where is the need to consume the flesh of birds and animals? You should partake of only sacred food. Only then you will have sacred feelings. For sacred thoughts and sacred deeds, sacred food is essential." (1 Oct 1998)

"The tongue should be engaged only in speaking the truth, in speaking sweetly and in consuming what is pleasant and wholesome for the body. Man degrades himself by consuming intoxicating drinks and non-vegetarian food and by indulging in smoking. These noxious habits affect the brain also." (6 Oct 1997)

"Nature can be modified by nurture; even dogs can cease to relish meat when they are trained to relish only vegetarian food".

SSS Vol XII, Chap. 36

"It is a fact that plants also have life like animals. But animals are endowed with mind, and nervous systems too while the plants do not possess the same. The animals cry and weep when they are being killed. It is not the case with plants; as such, equating killing of animals and destruction of plants is faulty logic. Further, killing the animals and eating their flesh leads to the creeping or dissemination of the animal qualities and behavior in to the man (meaning that man acquires the beastly qualities by eating animal flesh). Thus follows our acquiring the beastly qualities - tamasic nature - of the buffalos or the sheep. Hence, meat eating should be discarded.
Food conditions the nature of the mind. Mind guides the thinking. Thinking results in action. Actions lead to commensurate or matching results and effects. This chain of action between the food we eat and the results of our actions highlights the fact that meat eating leads to beastly actions and the concomitant evil effects."

The Avatar of Love, p. 132

"Acts and food which are to be eschewed.
Nishidda Karmas. These relate to acts which are to be eschewed. For instance, the spiritual aspirant has to observe certain regulations regarding food. He must totally eschew rajasic food like alcoholic drinks and meat. The nature of the food determines the nature of one' s thoughts,
feelings and actions. If one' s conduct is to be right and proper, one should carefully observe the
disciplines regarding diet."

SSS, Volume XXIX, Chap. 20

"There should be some regulations with regard to food. Many doctors emphasize the value of proteins and recommend meat, eggs, etc. But proteins got in this form serve only to build the body, but do considerable harm to the mind. Doctors are primarily concerned with the gross physical body. They pay little attention to the subtle form of the mental makeup. Most of the diseases that are prevalent in the world today are related to the mind. Mental illness seem to outnumber physical ailments. The Vedhaantha has declared that the mind is the cause of man' s bondage or liberation. This means that the mind has to be used properly and turned godwards. Equally the mind is responsible for health or sickness.
In this context, food is all important. Proteins are present in milk, curds and vegetables as much as in meat. If in the matter of diet, the doctors give the right prescription, diseases can be averted."

Discourse on 07-02-1993

"Meat is all right for those who concentrate on the body and want to have strength, but for spiritual aspirants it is not good."

Hislop, Jonh S., Conversation with SSB, p. 19

"You should not misunderstand and misinterpret what I say. It is my duty to convey to you the truth as is exist. Today the reason why the human population is increasing is because of the attitude of the people. For man to eke out his living to fill a small tummy of his, God has created plenty in the world. He has created a large amount of rice, a large amount of fruit, a alrge amount of wheat. While such good food has been created by Good, yet we go and eat meat and fish. And all the fish which we kill and eat are reborn as human beings."

Summer Showers in Brindavan 1977, p. 182

"Meat and alcoholic drinks take a heavy toll on man's health, causing many a disease in him".

SSB Discourse on 21-01-1994

"The third need is satwic food. This means that none of the edible items should be excessively sour, bitter or hot. You should eschew rajasic food like fish or meat. Even good satwic food should not be taken in excess. Some people consume so much of satwic food that even though it is satwa, it develops rajasic qualites. It is only satwic when you sit for the meal with a light stomach and get up from it with a light stomach! If you sit with a light stomach and get up with a weighty stomach, it becomes ramona."

SSB Discourse on 29-12-1985

"The third category is described as "Madhyapaanoratha daanavah" (One who is addicted to intoxicating drinks and meat eating and leads a sensuous life is a demonic being). Such a person is intensely selfish and has no feeling or consideration for others. A wicked person, swayed by evil motives and evil actions, is described as a demon."

SSB Discourse on 25-12-1991

"... with meat the body will get the proteins, but mental proteins will not be there. If you are keen on spiritual life, eating meat is not worthwhile; but if you are keen on wordly life, it is all right. There is another spiritual reason. When you kill an animal you give him suffering, pain, harm. God is in every creature, so how can you give such pain? Sometimes when someone beats a dog he cries, he feels so much pain. How much more pain then in killing. Animals did not come for the purpose of supplying food to human beings. They came to work out their own life in the world. When a human being is dead, the foxes and other animals may eat, but we have not come to provide food for those that eat the human body; we have not come for that ourpose. Similarly, man eats the animal, but the animal has not come to provide man with food."

Hislop, Jonh S., Conversation with SSB, p. 19

"Madhya paana ratho dushtah" (The demonic human being revels in intoxicating drinks). Eating meat and drinking liquor are demonic vices. Those indulging in drink lose all sense of propriety, have no compassion or love and become demons.

SSB Discourse on 03-07-1994

"How is individual transformation to be achieved? There are some bad habits among individuals such as smoking, drinking liquor, meat eating and gambling. These bad habits not only degrade the individuals but also inflict hardships on their families. These bad habits have to be given up for the individual to manifest his inherent goodness. One's personality can blossom only when he leads a mora life."

SSB Discourse on 07-02-1993

"Members of Sai Organizations should cultivate certain desirable practices. For instance, they should regulate their diet, because one's food influences ones thoughts. Smoking and intoxicating drinks have to be given up. They are ruinous for the health. Meat eating should also be given up because eating animal food promotes animal tendencies. The fourth evil that has to be ot rid of is gambling. Those who take to the Spiritual path should avoid as much as possible these four bad practices."

SSB Discourse on 21-11-1995

"It [meat] is not good for spiritual life which needs "mental proteins", and also because it means making an animal suffer and be killed."

Hislop, Jonh S., Conversation with SSB, p. 19-20

"But a little milk, butter and cheese are acceptable because no harm is done in obtaining them."

Hislop, Jonh S., Conversation with SSB, p. 20

DIVINITY WITHIN - Day 19 of 108 Days - "Strive for the happiness, the joy of all others, as earnestly as you strive for your own"

Day 19 - April 25, 2010 - Sunday

"Strive for the happiness, the joy of all others, as earnestly as you strive for your own; strive for the peace of the world, as diligently as you strive for your own. That is true divinity, that is true humanity"

I am trying, really I am. But there are times when I seems to have this delusional belief that I can make a difference and I look around me and this person in front of me that just told me to leave him in his misery because he wanted to enjoy it a little longer, makes me feel that this is the fate of humanity (to wallow in misery) and I might as well accept it as my own and surrender gracefully - it is what it is and nothing can be done about it. Oppps...Sorry, I disagree vehemently.

I wanted to purge the toxins of unhappiness and misery from those around me and yet despite my tenacious efforts to do so, I am being told that I am too much for them because I am too happy and so much at peace when I should wallow in misery and unhappiness like they are.

So, what to do? Stay away. That is exactly what I did today.

A friend finally got the strength to break up with his on-again/off-again gf who'd been abusive for 5 years and he already have another gf on the side and he also realized that it is not working so he broke up with her, too. So, did not want to be alone on a nice sunday and I agreed to keep him company. Since I usually keep up to my name, I really enjoyed the brunch, the walk, even the talk and a good bottle of pomegranate wine. But, all this time he keeps saying he feels unhappy, kinda despondent and of course you can tell that he is miserable. I tried teaching him my happy, happy, joy song and he said not this time. And when I told him to snap out of it and pointed out so many things to be happy about, he said to leave him alone because he wanted to be miserable for a little while longer. That's it.

How can we "Strive for the happiness, the joy of all others, as earnestly as you strive for your own" when the others are not striving for it and does not want to put any effort at all. How can you do it?

How can we "Strive for the peace of the world, as diligently as you strive for your own. That is true divinity, that is true humanity". I am not getting this - how so if you are confronted with opposition here and there? You are striving and striving and the ones you are striving for are not willing. Do we give up? Do we stop being who we are? Do we allow other's action and attitude to dictate our actions?

I am who I am, I cannot be who I am not. I am peace, I am truth, I am love eternally. I am ever pure delight, I am always full and free. Fear and grief will never touch me.

And so it is.

P.S. Its a bit late but I just got this email from the friend I mentioned above:
"Just wanted to say sorry for being such a drag today. I'm feeling better now. I just sometimes get caught up in depression (its in my family genes), and its unfortunately not just a matter of talking myself out of it or singing a song...its actually a chemical imbalance in the brain, and it gets kind of stubborn at times."

My, my. What can I say. As humans who are brainwashed by what we read on the books and what the professionals tell us and what the society dictates - if it is in our family genes - then, it is. If it is a chemical imbalance, then it is. All I know is my own experience. I can talk myself out of it and I can sing a song or flush it in the toilet. AND SO IT IS.

DIVINITY WITHIN - Day 18 of 108 Days - "I WANT"

Day 18 - A dear friend (a chalk artist) from Charlotte, NC read day 3 of 108 Days and sent me this:

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After we talked I sat here awhile and this came to me, maybe through the open window, maybe from the divinity within... I hope you like it...

For Joy...

It is going to rain and I want to share the rainy night with someone....
I want...

The night breeze through my window touches my skin and I want how it feels to last...
I want...

I write words and I want to express exactly what I think and feel, I want the other mind that reads my words to see exactly my thought...
I want...

I paint and I want my painting to reflect exactly my perfect vision, then, I want the viewer to use my imperfect painting as a lens to see my perfect vision...
I want...

I think and I want to speak, I speak and I want to be heard...
I want...

I see so much that I want to know...
I want...

I see a girl and I want to be with her...
I want...

I am here and I want to be there...
I want...

I am doing this and I want to do that...
I want...

I have and I want...
I want...

I am and I want to be...
I want...

I play my piano and I enjoy every note, every note is the perfect note for that moment, I feel that I am outside of the day and I am not sure if I have been playing for a few minutes or a few years. All I know is that...
I do not want....

It is going to rain and I want to share the rainy night with someone....
I want..."

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It is so poignant and it resonate to the core of my being and I remember Sathya Sai Baba telling the story of a woman who claimed she wanted to merge with God. And she was asked if she is ready at that moment because she can merge right there and then and the woman was totally shocked and said no, she needed to take care of some things first etc. etc. - in other words, she voiced about something she wanted but when told that she can have it, she refused for she is not ready for it.

So, it is said that when we want something we say "I WANT....WHATEVER". If we remove the "I" which is the ego, we remove the "WANT" which is the desire, there we have whatever we want. It is always there. There is no need to want it. But by associating with the body, the ego "I" desire something and wants to possess it, own it. But since whatever it is has always been there, always is and always will be - then how can anyone possess it? And how can anyone exist if there is only one "I" not 2I or 3I or 4I?

The writer of the purple poem writes about sharing, lasting, perfecting, exacting, progressing, merging, knowing. All of the above is inherent in humankind. We want to share naturally because deep within we know that we are really all one. We always strive for lasting relationship, lasting feeling, lasting everything for inherently, we are aware that we are immortal - not this body, not this mind. We want perfection for that is who we are, and yet, because we are in the body, sometimes its harder to attain it and we end up giving up and settle for less than perfection.

All this wonderful, positive feelings, we should nurture and strive for but because we are bombarded by a lot of negatives from the outside, we get sapped into the world of negativity. Let us try the CIA - Constant Integrated Awareness and let us protect ourselves with the light.

I am light, glowing light, radiating light, intensified light.
God consumes my darkness, transmuting it into light.

Be Well,
I AM LIGHT

DIVINITY WITHIN - Day 17 of 108 Days - "What is important is that which comes from inside"

Day 17 - what did you do today? what were your thoughts, what action did you do, what did you speak about? We spend so much time thinking, doing and talking of all the trivial things and we have no time for the really important things. What is the important thing?

"That which happens physically on the outside in terms of actions is not of major importance. What is important is that which comes from inside".

So, that which comes from inside is what's IMPORTANT. Not what happens on the outside. How so?

Here is another quote from SSB "The harder the circumstances, the more trying the environment, the stronger are those who come out of those circumstances".

Most of my adult circumstances seemed hard, harder than most people I know. And of course, the environment that I have been put through are very, very trying. And did I come out stronger? Strange but I have never thought of myself as weak - the word never cross my mind - that being the case, how can I say if I came out stronger? Since I never entertained the word "weak", I never entertained its opposite either. AHA - equanimity again - balance. Does it really mean that I always have equanimity?

Perhaps. If so, then it is easier to understand what it means when that which happens physically on the outside in terms of actions is not of major importance. What is important is that which comes from inside. Because if we are here to experience - whatever it is we decided we want to experience - things will then happen physically on the outside, meaning actions will be performed for our benefit (so we can experience) tho' most of the time, we cannot co-relate the happenings or incident because we still experience linear time, so we cannot see the big picture. If we can see and understand that the past, the present and the future is happening simultaneously, then it would be much easier to see and say "it is what it is, but it is not really" (divine dichotomy). What has to happen will happen.

If that is so, what is happening outside is just a reflection (of what is inside) - it is not of major importance. Reaction is what comes from inside - that is important because, your reaction will determine the resound and the next reflection. WHAT???

Ok, I checked most of the discourses and explanations (if any) re:reflection, reaction and resound. And the 3 are used together all the time. But, what does it really mean - how does it relate to the simple and trivial things in life? The way I am understanding it is that for every action, there is a reaction. And my reaction will then end up in my inner savings account. The next time something happen, it is just a reflection of what is in my inner savings account - so whatever happen, it is just telling me "Ok, here is your inner bank statement, what do you think of it?" Technically, we should analyze it, then balance it and if it out of balance, we must correct it. But, when something happen (statement is presented to us), we react right away instead of analyzing, balancing and correcting. And as mentioned earlier, reaction get deposited in the account. So we keep accumulating and accumulating without balancing and correcting. Still, we are given another chance by "resound" meaning echo. If we are not doing any balancing and correcting, we then hear the echo of that imbalance. If we still do not hear the echo and we continue without correction, what then?

First, by reflection we are reminded of what needs correction, second, by resound we hear the the discordant note and if we still do not get it, the third time, we get hit in the head. And it finally cracked, and we get the AHA moments.

This seems quite long now, and if this is still not digestible, we will probably take this issue for another round in the coming days.

All for now, with Infinite Love and Gratitude always,
I am - and so it is.

DIVINITY WITHIN - Day 16 of 108 Days - "The treasure that is precious is the quality of even mindedness in all situations"

Day 16 - The treasure that is precious is the quality of even mindedness in all situations - I want that treasure. It seems that I have some of it but not a lot. And most of the times I can dig into the treasure and use it and enjoy it and then at times, when I needed it most it is gone - where did it go?

"The treasure that is precious is the quality of even mindedness in all situations".

If I am going to try and dissect the above, first there is the treasure, then there is precious treasure and of the precious treasure, there is a quality involve. And the one I want is the quality of even mindedness in ALL situations - that is the precious I want, indeed. And at this stage, it seems that I have to hone my skill for that even mindedness in ALL situations.

I thought about this and I was going to write about " the joy of being the master of senses " and I already wrote the title and the fonts and colors and then as I wrote day 16, I just started typing about the treasure... And I seem to remember I already wrote about equanimity. So I went back and found it on day 7. My first reaction is why write about it again, it would be the same thing and yet what stands out is the word "quality" and "all situations".

On day 7, I wrote on how I can practice and experience EQUANIMITY. I even wrote that I know that the emotions brought back by past experiences may come back and affect me but I already have the tools. And I am ready to put the tools into good use.

And so it is - Today, I have to put the "tools" to good use. I was in the basement and was folding the blankets that I washed when my angel came and with a raised voice and anger that was meant to check and see if I will put the "tools" to good use. I use part of it, but the reason for the anger seems unreasonable that out of old habit, I tried to reason out and then I realized, it is of no use to reason out with someone who cannot see reason so I just let it go. I called another angel to sort of vent and soon we were both laughing.

Then, as time passed by, I felt like it is day 7 again and I have to ace this test otherwise I will have to take it again and again until I perfected the process. Well (wishing well), I have to take it again because I let my emotion take over and the tears started to fall. WHY oh WHY? SOS SOS SOS SOS SOS SOS SOS SOS SOS.

I became attached to the body. A plate of shit was offered to me and if I refused to accept it, then the giver will be the one to stink but I accepted it later on and the shit started to stink that caused the emotion to well up and affected me.

I did not hear the song. There is no love, no duty, no miracle. Nothing happened. And yet there was sorrow and pain for within a short moment I identified with the body and my peace and joy went down the drain.

Amidst all this, I can still be a witness and I am well aware that JOY is an interval between two pains, meaning - there are more pain in this world than you can imagine. The joy in the interim carry us through the ups and downs of life. Is there no way to avoid the two pains and just have the joy? Who knows. Does it matter? It comes back to what an RV instructor once said - the reason we come back again and again (why we experience 2 pains and joy in between) is because we engaged in melodrama of life. Once we stop participating in the drama, the experience end. Was I engaging? Was I participating? Of course, I am here am I not? But...but...but...

But what? When I do not want it anymore, I will not be here anymore. Obviously, I am getting something from this, else it wouldn't be. The environment is not conducive right now but it is convenient for me. I am waiting for the sale of one building and while waiting, part of it is the melodrama. I just need to continue to hone my skills, use the tool and realize my HIGHEST POTENTIAL.

And so it is, and so it shall be.

I AM VICTORY, VICTORY, VICTORY in practicing EQUANIMITY in ALL situations.

DIVINITY WITHIN - Day 15 of 108 Days - "Seek out your faults and others' merits. Seeking others' faults is dire sin."

Day 15 - what a day. April 21, 2010 - I finally reconciled to the idea that although I seem to know something, I really know nothing at all.

"Seek out your faults and others' merits. Seeking others' faults is dire sin."

As I write this things down, it seems that I am learning something and that I know something and that I am continually growing. I know nothing. I am just a flute. But sometimes if the flute is left on the ground, it end up gathering dust. Though it is hallow, a mere dust will cause dissonance and take away from the perfection of the music. As a flute, let me always be on the hand or the pocket of the master musician ready to be played and an instrument wherein the music flow through that brings heavenly bliss to those who hear.

For a while, I was not really seeking others' faults but I was looking at it and so I tell myself that the fault is blatantly obvious that even someone who is not really looking will notice it. I didn't know that the reason I am seeing it in others is because it is in me. Or I know but I find it hard to believe that the same fault is in me.

For so long I avoided getting a lawyer to settle things for me. Why? I tried to tell myself that the lawyer will send a sheriff or whoever to serve the notice to the house of the person and if I am also in the same house then the other person will direct his anger towards me. But then I also did not want to leave the house. I tell myself that I live here for so long and that I deserve to be here even though the environment is not conducive, I tried to persevere. I go beyond miracle, I exercise the power to create a flowery path, I considered that the past is history, I practice equanimity, help ever hurt never, let the different faith exist, forgive, be detached, watch my thoughts, words and deeds and ....make sure not to build houses on bridge of change - and yet that is basically what I have been doing all this time. Just because I traveled all over and spent most of my time out somewhere does not mean I have not built a house on the bridge of change. I did and I am holding on to it. I am so attached to it as is typically of any creature of habits that I refused to notice it.

I called a lawyer yesterday and just for the heck of it, made an appointment. At night, wrote day 14 and went to bed and woke up, did my errands and went to see the lawyer. On my way home, I felt so light as if a heavy burden was lifted - strange that I was probably so used to carrying that heavy burden that I wasn't even aware I was carrying it. I got home, found him there and was tried to start a very casual conversation that I barely got a response. Not until later when I went out to dinner with a friend (who told me that he wanted to hold on to the hate that he is feeling towards his on-again/off-again girlfriend of 5 years so that when he is tempted to get back with her or call her or when he feels weak, then that hate will give him strength to move on) that I realized I am exactly the same way - except the hate part.

Why is it so hard to seek out our faults and others' merits? Why is seeking others' faults a dire sin? simple - how do you the nape of your neck? how do you scratch your own back? you get a tool (mirror) to see the back of your neck. you asked someone or get a scratcher to scratch your back. So when someone tell you their experience, as they describe each and every participant in their story, you can relate to the character that most resemble you and your action and yet, most often than not, you will voice out an opinion stating yes, yes, you are almost alike and you can understand perfectly well what the other person is talking about because you can really relate to that experience and yet, all the while, deep inside you, you understand the other (villain) in the story because you know that that is what you are, too. As soon as you accept that you are a villain, then you will notice the others merit - you are on your way to recovery.

Why is seeking others' fault is a dire sin? Because this is your life - not anyone else's. You are here to experience. And when you seek the fault of another, you are not helping yourself move forward - your attention is on another - how will you change? how will you improve? you find someone's fault, do you want them to change, when they do, what good will it do you?

When you find your own fault and seek other people's merit, it humbles you. It makes you want to become better and better. It benefits you and improve your character. It is like trying to reach out and maneuver the steering wheel of another person's car while you are sitting in your car and should be maneuver the steering of your own car - does that make sense?

With Infinite Love and Gratitude always,
I am happy, very happy. Very, very happy

DIVINITY WITHIN - Day 14 of 108 Days - "Love is a bridge over the sea of change. Do not build a house on it."

Love in thought is truth.
Love in action is right conduct.
Love is understanding, is peace.
Love in feeling is non-violence.
Love is a bridge over the sea of change.
Do not build a house on it.

-SSB discourses

Day 14 - it has been 2 weeks. Is it possible that if and when we are thinking of something that is totally untrue according to the history book, according to mores, according to society and general belief and yet as we thought of it, we are overpowered with love - does it then become the truth?

If we are acting out of love, no matter how wrong it is, does it become right conduct?

Love in understanding is peace, what about understanding without love? is it still peace?

Love in feeling is non-violence and yet...

And the best part is

"Love is a bridge over the sea of change. Do not build a house on it."

No wonder the house keeps tumbling down, it was built on a bridge over the sea of change. Everyone should be thought this lesson. Then, we can save a lot of heartaches, pain and suffering. Well then, where did we get the idea that when we feel the love in our hearts, we then want to hold on to it, keep it forever and ever and boxed it and limit it? who started that thought?

It would be great if people will leave their comments and their thoughts as to who started all this.

Goodnight for now.

Be Well, Be Happy, Be Healthy and be very, very wealthy.

DIVINITY WITHIN - Day 13 of 108 Days - "“Your thoughts, words, and deeds will shape others and theirs will shape you.”

Day 13 - I was not totally convinced about this but when I woke up this morning I remember what I was doing the last 2 nights - I was actually getting up almost every hour or so and then going into the living and peeking through the window behind the drapes to check and see if there are any one up there who is about to break into somebody's car.

“Your thoughts, words, and deeds will shape others and theirs will shape you.”

Unbelievable. When I realized what I was doing, I couldn't believe it. How is it possible that someone who broke into my car and stole my "stuff" can actually shape my thoughts and deeds the last few nights?

WOW - I am not a wow person but this is just so fascinating and I am just so filled with INFINITE LOVE AND GRATITUDE for giving me this lesson and making me understand it and allowing me to share it in this blog.

It has been 5 days or so since I got the title for this day and yet I keep skipping it because I do not fully understand it and my brain is not accepting it. Although I already am aware and know that there is TRUTH and HIGHER TRUTH and much HIGHER TRUTH - I know that my thoughts, words and deeds will shape others and theirs will shape me - is TRUE. But, I cannot write about something unless I know it for a fact - meaning I understand it intellectually and my emotion agree to it and the only way it can solidify the intellectual understanding is to experience it within and without - meaning it has to resonate to the core of my being.

I am blown away that I actually invited the experience of having someone break into the car and steal stuff so I can experience the whole enchilada of that saying.

It seems like in the back of my mind, there is still a distinction between right and wrong and good and bad. That someone who is good/right can easily shape another and that someone who is bad/wrong have much harder time to influence others and yet we look around and search the history of our planet and we realized that in most major events, the impact on humans is unbelievably disproportionate when it is catastrophic/bad than when it is good - e.g. 9/11 for a few days, weeks and months - New Yorker seems to really care for each other and started to acknowledge others existence and then it slowly but surely went back to the usual ways of 'me, me, me, who the hell are you?, I am the only one that is important. On the other side of the coin of caring and loving is total disregard of another and fear. So 9/11 brought out fear in most people and the politician took advantage of that fear and now several years after the incident we are still going thru TSA and all the negative aftermath of 9/11.

How many people perpetuated such act of 9/11 disaster? And how many lives have changed and been shaped by those act? The same thing with a serial killer - one person perpetuated hideous act of violence and the whole community, city, state, country - nay the world is affected. The fear goes on long after the violent act was performed.

It is said that the negative thoughts multiple faster than a positive thought. I sure do not want the negative thought to overcome my positive thinking that I work so hard to get into. So I will try to be aware when someone's word, thought and/or deed is affecting my equanimity to the point that the CIA in me (Constant Integrated Awareness) stops to function.

That is exactly what happened to me, the last few nights. I let my shield down, the CIA took a nap, a break, a day off. And the fear took over - oh my God.....my elation is short lived. After 6 paragraphs I had another AHA moments and realized what really is happening - as I write this things day after day, if actually piggy backed on each other that on the 13th day, the experience has to be that which encompasses all the previous day's you know what...OMG, OMG, OMG. OK, OK, OK, relax, relax, take a deep breath - it is all for the good. really, really, really? will I ascend on 108th day? the future is a mystery - who knows what tomorrow might bring (those who are doing RV, of course) IDK, I know nothing.

All for now, just be.

DIVINITY WITHIN - Day 12 of 108 Days - "Sorrow and suffering instead of joy and peace?"

Day 12 - 30 minutes before midnight and I am trying to finish this.

“If you identify yourselves with the body that you carry about with you, you are inviting sorrow and suffering to overwhelm you instead of the joy and peace which are awaiting to bless you.”

Why did I have the above "thoughts for the day"? Every morning I wake up, I think of what would be on the title of the blog and more often than not, it changes by night time. Like this one here, I was thinking of something else but then someone called me around 9:30 pm and asked about mortgages etc. So by the time I sat in front of the laptop and open the blog, I was thinking about debts and thought of most of the problems of individuals and banks and countries such as Greece and Italy are about debts. What about the major economic crisis here in the U.S., isn't it all about debts?

And I guess the only reason we become miserable is when we associate debts and everything else with this body. But, whose debts will it be anyway other than the body who borrowed except in cases of identity theft. Still, somehow I believe the identity theft will not be possible unless we in one way or another invited it upon ourselves. Of course, a lot of people will disagree specially if they are not aware or not familiar with the law of the universe. I will try not to dwell on it or go deeper since I do not want to confuse or offend others who might read this and disagree.

Suffice it to say that whether we believe it or not, there are no victim or victimizer since it is just a thought process. Just like Shakespeare saying " There are no right or wrong, it is thinking that makes it so ". Again, the culprit is the mind that thinks. We can only identify ourselves with the body by thinking. If we unthink of identifying then, that is possible also but because we are creature of habits and its been our habit all this time to associate with the body, as we think, so we become.

As long as we think we are the body, we are inviting sorrow and suffering to overwhelm us instead of the joy and peace.

Sure, easy for whoever is the author of the saying to say the above. I tell you, I will be totally overwhelmed with sorrow and suffering if I keep thinking that here I am - my name is on the title of 7 buildings with just 2 mortgages less than two hundred grand, I should be in a very good position because it looks like I have this all income producing properties and yet I can barely pay the mortgage. Without going into details, I am land/building rich but cash poor. And in this economy there are too many people short selling their properties rather than get foreclose that even if you own something that is fully paid, some buyer will get the short sell first if they can without thinking of the long term consequences.

So, how do I deal with my predicament? Simple I try not to associate myself with it. It is like passing clouds, it will soon go away. What will be will be. For me to want peace or joy, I have to say "I want Peace/Joy". Someone said, remove the I which is the association, remove the want which is desire and there you have Peace or Joy.

How do I do that? How can I say it is simple? I know, it isn't really simple at first. It takes practice and practice until you get use to it and it become simple. Just like writing your name, when you are just learning it, it is so hard, now we can sign our name with different styles of handwriting and it is so simple.

So let us start practicing if we have not done so - let us take 3 deep breath, say I am not the body, I am not the body, I am not the body. Then who am I? who am I? who am I? It may seem kindda weird but if you just keep saying who am I, who am I so many times, you might start hearing an echo and a vibration and just keep doing it - it takes perseverance, don't stop now, go on and keep doing it, pretty soon - you will get your answer.

WHEN YOU DO, PLEASE LET ME KNOW.

With Infinite LOVE and GRATITUDE always,
I AM

DIVINITY WITHIN - Day 11 of 108 Days - "Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us"

Day 11 - Today, I promised to take someone to the wig store so she can have a wig ready when she starts losing her hair due to chemo. So, I got up early and got in the car and as I put the key in the ignition, I noticed the car stereo is missing. I looked in the back and there were shattered glasses all over the seat. Whoever did it, broke the small glass window on the passenger side to open the door. Then I remember my gps and it was gone, too. And when I open the glove compartment, the car manual is gone. And there is a sleeve on the jacket of the leather manual where you can put your insurance card and the extended warranty card and on the back of the manual are blank pages where you write the maintenance done to the car and staple the receipts - that's all gone too.

"Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us"

The fact that, the person broke the small window and not the big one, I am assuming he got a conscience and he thought it would cost less to replace the small glass window - or maybe not - he was probably just on drug and smashed the closest window he can hit.

It took me over 7 hours to finally say "I forgive you whoever you are, I forgive me". And yet, I am still having a heavy heart. So, I did some deep breathing and utter "I release and let go, I let go and let....".

Why did it take me over 7 hours to say the forgiveness thingy?

Let me backtrack and find out. I was excited about my plan for the day - it seems like a good plan, a reasonable plan but still a plan. When that plan is thwarted because of the incident, I have no plan B. So my mind went to 2nd gear, 3rd gear and 4th gear. I went to the police station, took the car to the shop, rented a car and then continue on with the rest of the day. When I was done with my errand and on the way back home, 7 hours had passed and I can sit quietly in the car and utter the forgiveness thingy. But why did I not say it right away as soon as I saw what happened? Because we are not used to forgiving someone for their wrongdoing right away. All this gooey feeling that is supposed to help us and benefit us all and elevate us all to the higher level/dimension takes practice. We have to discipline ourselves. We have to train our mind and heart. Or perhaps we should untrain our mind and heart from what society dictates.

Better still, when we experience something unsettling, we should not react right away. We should be still and go within. Relax, take 7 deep breath, and just be.

=========

Our levels of mind are basically separated into four distinct levels of mental awareness.
Our daily active waking state is called the Beta state of mind and is characterized by a predominance of brainwaves oscillating between 14 and 30 cycles per second.

The inner, relaxed, day-dreaming state is called the Alpha state and is characterized
by a predominance of brainwaves ranging between 7 and 14 cycles per second.

When we relax our mind even further, by detaching even more from our external reality, we dip into the Theta state that is characterized by a predominance of brainwaves oscillating between 4 and 7 cycles per a second. This is the mind state we all enter just before falling asleep and just upon awakening from it.

When we relax even further, our mind enters the domain of the subconscious and we, at least most of us, lose conscious awareness and fall asleep. This level of deep mind subconscious operation is called the Delta level and is characterized by lots of brainwaves oscillating
between 1 and 4 times per second.

GO'D RI and RV
=========

So, think about brainwaves oscillating between 14 and 30 cycles per second on a daily waking hours. If we are agitated it goes closer to 30 cycles and when we sort of calm and collected, it is closer to 14 cycles. So during unsettling moments it is always closer to 30, that is why when we start feeling it, we have to calm ourselves down. No one else will do it for us. Then, as we become more aware of what is going on in our mind, we can progress to slowing it down and down and down. And it is said that as we enter the domain of the subconscious, that is where we meet God.

The divinity in me acknowledges the divinity in all of us. No judgement, no condition, just pure acceptance of what is.

BE WELL.

DIVINITY WITHIN - Day 10 of 108 Days - "Do not worry about the unsatisfactory environment you may have."

"Do not worry about the unsatisfactory environment you may have. Of course the place may have some drawbacks and it may not be ideal. But it is no use trying to run away from all that. You can overcome the drawbacks by training your own mind."

Day 10 - Stay there itself and pray to the Lord. Pray that He may fill you with His thoughts and Vision, making you ignore the defects of the environment. Do not seek comfort, for comfort might not be conducive to your spiritual progress. Learn to be comfortable in any place; that is better. Live in joy wherever you are; that is the way.

Revel in the realm of your mind; worship there the Lord you have chosen as your goal and be free of all the defects of the natural or human environment! No spot can be irksome to you, nor will any place seem disgusting.

It took me 10 years of reading this and memorizing it and trying sooooo hard to put it into practice. It was easy to do the first 4 sentences. Then, on the 5th year, I did the opposite of the 5th sentence. I just could not take it anymore. It was too painful, it was unbearable to be in the same environment and to keep my sanity, I have to leave.

At first, I was filled with remorse because I felt like I failed by not staying. It was like going through the training in bootcamp and yet, was not able to complete and finish the training. The worst part was it seems like too much wasted time going thru the training and not passing.
Then more feeling of disgust because I ran away - and it says it is no use trying to run away from all that...but staying away is the only way I know how (at that time) to keep my sanity.

So, I prayed that He may fill me with His thoughts and Vision, making me ignore the defects of the environment. But, I was not filled with His thoughts and Vision. And I seek comfort - though comfort may not be conducive to my spiritual progress at the time - I needed the comfort for I was in too much pain - the like of which is an open wound that is extremely painful to the victim for the flesh is exposed and causes excruciating agony that no one can see, and no sound of pain can be heard for the sufferer is ashamed of the pain. Oh, if only someone was brave enough to look into the eyes of the sufferer, they would have seen the agony deep down her soul and yet what can a mere human do to alleviate the suffering and pain of a fellow human if even the thoughts and vision of the divine escapes her?

Five years of living in comfort of fancy 5 star hotels and resorts, of flying back and forth north to south and east to west. And when all is said and done, the broadcast came again and I found myself in the same environment. 10 years have passed, why then am I back in the same environment?

There was a saying "Follow the Master, face the devil, fight to the end, finish the game". Alright then, I have to face my devil, fight to the end and finish the game. Now, I understand. Time is immaterial - some people spend their lifetime trying and still leave the body without finishing the game. Ten years is not bad. I needed the 5 years to practice the teaching in the unsatisfactory environment and 5 years in satisfactory (comfortable) environment to finally realized what the teaching is all about. When I stopped trying and almost as if I totally forgot it all, I woke up one morning in that exactly the same unsatisfactory environment I left 5 year previous and....

the only difference is my feeling of acceptance of it all. Living in JOY. Reveling in the realm of my mind. Free of all the defects of the natural or human environment.

HAPPY, HAPPY, JOY, JOY, HAPPY, HAPPY, JOY


















Be Well.

DIVINITY WITHIN - Day 9 of 108 Days - "Let the different faith exist"

"Let the different faiths exist. Let them flourish and
Let the glory of God be sung in all the languages
of the world and in a variety of tunes.
Respect the differences between the faiths and recognise them as valid
As long as they do not extinguish the flame of unity".

Day 9 - Today I took someone to Park City, IL traffic court since there is no public transportation that goes all the way there. I got the chance to talk to the guy and learned about his family; his problems and challenges as a recovering drug addict; his dad's addiction and his son's problem. He said Jesus saved him and died for his sins.

When I got home, the doorbell rang and there were 3 people showing me AWAKE magazine telling me that Jehovah is the only God who can save the world from destruction.

Then I got online and ready to write my thought for the day and I saw one of the comment about Allah the only One, the only Source.

When will we ever learn? when? when? when? What is so hard about "Respecting the differences between the faiths and recognizing them as valid as long as they do not extinguish the flame of unity " ?

If I for one cannot agree to disagree, how can the politician agree about unity in diversity? how can each country think of the welfare of the citizen of another and not just their own? What pleasure do I get by claiming I am the 'chosen one' while the rest of my brothers are not? What satisfaction can I attain by believing mine is the right and the rest are wrong? how big of an ego do I want to point a finger at others condemning them to hell unless they convert to my belief while at the same time 3 fingers pointing at myself?

Let the different faith exist. There is only One God and He has many names and many forms, there is only one religion, the religion of love; there is only one race, the race of humanity; there is only one language, the language of the heart; THERE IS ONLY ONE GOD, HE IS OMNIPRESENT.

Be Well, we are ONE.

DIVINITY WITHIN - Day 7 of 108 Days - "Equanimity"

"Let the wave of memory, the storm of desire, the fire of emotion pass through without affecting your equanimity" Sri Sathya Sai Baba


Day 7 - EQUANIMITY

My God, I thought I am through with this pain. Yesterday I was given the thoughts about the challenges of the past and how it is the ultimate delusion. I understood it, I experienced it. Why then am I being tested today - why is the wave of memory ready to rip me apart again and tempting me, taunting me about what another person did or did not do?

So I will go back to the previous lesson to pass today's challenge. I know I have the power to make a path of flower or a path of thorn. By being affected with a wave of memory, I am losing my equanimity and a path of thorn is about to pave my way and ....sorry, I cannot allow for that. I will exercise my power, I will choose to realize that I am divine having a human experience and that being the case, I will let divinity within me flow through.

This person that I have known for 25 years, I have trusted and believed in end up causing me too much pain, heartaches and suffering. No - he did not cause it - I allowed him. I have a choice not to accept the shit that he is dumping on me, but I have too much grandiosity - believing I am a much better person than he is and that I can take the suffering (the martyrdom that Christianity advocates) and that would give me points in heaven.

So it is that year after year I felt like sacrificing for that is what I saw women do - for their husband, their child, their family. Then, I started wishing ill will to the other person who I thought was the root cause of all the suffering - not realizing then that it was no other than me who is doing it to myself. Rather than face the devil and fight to the end. I decided to work out of state that way I do not have to be in the situation/condition 7 days a week. It was a good cope out - I work 4-5 days a week and only have to come home and face the challenge 2 days at the most. If I cannot handle 7 days a week, surely I can handle pain for 2 days.

And so it went on for 5 years. First I was coming home every weekend, then it was 3 weeks and it turned to months. And all that time I was hoping that he would come and visit me, that he will miss me and ask me to come home more often and then we can talk about it, perhaps negotiate, perhaps get counseling and then everything will be fine and dandy and we can be a happy family again. But for 5 long years, he got close enough to wherever I was working say 5 hrs drive after he visited his sister, that is not to much to ask. After all I am his wife - surely if he can drive for 12 hours to visit sister or friends or acquaintances, then he can come visit his wife. NOPE. He never did. Not once - though there were 240 weeks, 60 months, 5 years for goodness sake - not once did he try. It should have given me a clue but I love the suffering and I love wallowing in self pity that I continue being his wife (or perhaps I got no balls, it took many more weeks to grow some). I am over it now, I'm pretty sure I am.

And today he asked me why his computer is not working, etc. etc. he cannot access the Internet. So "service to man is service to God". I offered to help him. He is going to see his daughter (my step d) and grand kids in Charlotte (hm mm, I was there for almost a year - and he did not come visit). He already booked a flight but he forgot the car. I helped him booked his car and then he of course needed a direction on how to get to her house from the airport. OK....I got him the direction and printed it. From the airport to the hotel, from hotel to her house. Then...he wanted another direction from her house to her mother's house in Virginia. OK. Well then he said he what about from her house to his brother's in Maryland. OK. Then reverse direction from his house back to her house then back to the daughter's house. Goodness, it would take 5 hours and 7 hours and 7 hours and 5 hours. Well, it is still OK but....the wave of memory is becoming turbulent and it sure is rocking the boat; the fire of emotion is burning up inside. What to do?

When all things fail, PRAY. "Divinity within me, let your love flow through me; let the cool breeze slowly extinguish the fire of emotion that is burning up inside, let the spirit of love calm the waves that is ready to turn into tsunami. God in me, let me put into practice this mighty task called EQUANIMITY".

And so it is. I felt the "inner PEACE that calms the stormy sea; the peace that passed understanding". I can practice and experience EQUANIMITY by becoming a witness - like watching a movie - knowing it is just a movie and when it is finish, all that is left is the big movie screen. So, we can be unaffected by all this happenings around us - it was not easy. But as long as I was aware at the onset of memories, desire and emotions I can let it be and ask for divine love to just flow through me. And I can just witness the wave of memory, the storm of desire and the the fire of emotion pass through --- slowly but surely, it was just passing through just like the passing clouds within minutes, it was gone.

I know it may come back but I already have the tools. And I am ready to put the tools into good use.

Be Well,

INFINITE LOVE and GRATITUDE ALWAYS

DIVINITY WITHIN - NOW

" Over and over, again and again, until I make you see that the past no longer works. I challenge you and tempt you every day with your past, so that you may see that the past is the ultimate delusion.” SSB

DIVINITY WITHIN - Day 8 of 108 Days - "Help Ever, Hurt Never"

" Help Ever, Hurt Never"

Day 8 - I cannot believe it - I finished a week. It was not easy. The first 3 days were very specific and the fourth day, I kept debating within me what to write but when I let go and asked, it just flow freely and, I was given the whole enchilada of quotes to use. I would usually wake up in the morning and look at the quotes and ask "What's for today?". Several times my mind would go so fast and picked one and start writing but after the first paragraph. I would stop - like a mental block, then when I go back to it at night - it changes. I even tried writing 3 post at a time so I can just pick one a day, elaborate on it but even that did not work. What I wrote for day 4 became day 7 etc.

Life is indeed fascinating. "Help Ever, Hurt Never" - Four simple words. It is printed in T-shirts, matches, mugs, caps etc. If you googled it you will get 64 million hits on the topic. I heard this phrase 37 years ago. And when I talk to people who are in the spiritual path I am told it is their favorite. Then I look around me, and I observed the people and their actions and their words - nope, this is not a simple thing to do or follow or observe. It is very complicated and at times it seems like you might think you are doing it and yet you are not. Why so?

Let's say for example a mother wanting to believe that her daughter/son cannot survive without her. The mother will then, be there for her child all the time, to the point of spoiling the child. The child having things come so easy will not learn to appreciate and value the time, effort, money and love that is being showered by the mother. I have seen some children grow up being abusive to their parents.

There was a case where a mother, turned over the house to her son only to have her pay rent in return (per the daughter-in-law) and when the mother could not take it anymore, she left and stayed with relatives rather than her son and daughter-in-law. She thought she was going to help them by turning over the house to them, but did she really? helped them kicked her out of her own house?

Several people who believed they are helping friends and relatives by lending them money or helping support them for years and years and yet not realizing that they are not really helping them grow - they are in fact tolerating them to become dependent on someone instead of being able to stand on their own feet.

How about people who cover up things for other people, believing they are helping them and yet in the end 2 wrongs don't make a right. This seems to be almost the same as telling a lie and then another lie to cover up the first lie and so on and so forth.

Why would this help ever and hurt never be together? Is it because every time we want to help someone, we must ask ourselves if the help that we think we are doing will not hurt anyone, not just the person who is being helped but the person who is helping and everyone else concerned?

Sounds good doesn't it? I noticed the problem with me is I am always ready and willing to help ever but now I realized that before I put that help into action I must ask first - "will this help not hurt anyone?" - if yes, then it is a go, else stop right there and watch and just be a witness.

But, isn't there a saying that by witnessing something and not helping, you become an accessory to that which you did not make an effort to help? Maybe. Maybe not. Someone once said (it might be Greg Braden) that the Tibetan Monk will always be willing to render help in anyways but at one time, there was a woman that was being raped and the monk did not do anything at all but went his merry way. Later when asked, he was told that there are events that we can interfere with and it will be OK, but there are events that we must not interfere with because it will change the whole scheme of things. Hm mm, something to think about especially those who always have this "grandiosity" in them who always want to meddle in other people's lives. That being said - we really must help ever as long as it does hurt never.

What about just doing hurt never, is that possible? I don't think so. I think those 4 words are really together like chopsuey. You cannot separate them. For example, someone who tried to cook and serve the food and when you tasted it, it is just not acceptable. If and when the cook asked you how it is, you will say it is alright because you do not want to hurt the person. But, it is indeed probably alright to at least one of the 6.5 billion people on the planet - so you are not really telling a lie and not only did you not hurt the person - you in fact help the person to become a better cook (if perhaps you have the guts to say "its alright, i bet you it would be fantastic if you add something or do so and so to it..." ha ha ha).

In cases of husbands or boyfriends who 's been asked by their partner to give their opinion about their looks or a dress or whatever - by not saying the truth (if it is going to hurt) then you are indeed helping not only yourself but also the other person and of course the relationship. Yet, there are those who say - tough love; the truth hurts; you got to be honest; there is a sin of commission and a sin of omission and by not saying it or not doing, it is still a sin. I disagree. My dearest teacher taught me that if you cannot say anything nice, don't say it. So, help ever hurt never. Don't even attempt to move your lips, let alone open your mouth if what will come out of it will hurt somebody somehow.

HELP EVER, HURT NEVER. And so it is.

Be happy, be happy, be happy

DIVINITY WITHIN - Day 5 of 108 Days - "You have it in your power..."

" You have it in your power to make your days on Earth a path of flowers, instead of a path of thorns" .

Day 5 - Indeed. I know that.

And yet, for the last 25 years I made more path of thorns than path of flowers. Why? Everyday I have a choice and most days I did not make the right choice. Does that mean I made a mistake? No, definitely not. Those days when I made a path of thorns, I missed my target. I tried againthe next day and the next and the next and every time I chose thorns instead of flowers I missed the target. So many misses....

But the beauty of it all is that I can always try again and again and again until I get a bulls eye.

When I looked back, I noticed that whenever I make the path of thorns and it hurts, I blamed the thorns or someone else. I pointed a finger. I cried and cried. I felt like a victim. I get stuck and I enjoyed being stuck, I enjoyed being miserable. I get addicted to it. And yet, if someone told me that at that time, I will get angrier and would feel much worst than I already felt. I would respond "You insensitive you, how can you say I enjoyed being miserable, how can you even accused me of being addicted to misery? Can you not see I am suffering? Don't you have any compassion, don't you have a heart?".

Of course I enjoyed it and was addicted to it because if I did not and was not, then I would not be in that situation. And guess what? When I had enough of it, when I was ready, I STOPPED being miserable and stop being addicted to misery.

For some people, the misery goes on and on and on until nature takes it course and end it for them.

For goodness sake, this is the dawn of a new era - an era of inner and outer peace, and joy and love. Together let us cross the golden bridge filled with inner joy and happiness. Let us make a choice - the choice of creating a path of flowers - fragrant, beautiful, colorful and magnificent flowers - do it now. REMEMBER, REMEMBER, REMEMBER.

YOU HAVE THE POWER

TO MAKE YOUR DAYS ON
EARTH A PATH OF FLOWERS.