" Help Ever, Hurt Never"
Day 8 - I cannot believe it - I finished a week. It was not easy. The first 3 days were very specific and the fourth day, I kept debating within me what to write but when I let go and asked, it just flow freely and, I was given the whole enchilada of quotes to use. I would usually wake up in the morning and look at the quotes and ask "What's for today?". Several times my mind would go so fast and picked one and start writing but after the first paragraph. I would stop - like a mental block, then when I go back to it at night - it changes. I even tried writing 3 post at a time so I can just pick one a day, elaborate on it but even that did not work. What I wrote for day 4 became day 7 etc.
Life is indeed fascinating. "Help Ever, Hurt Never" - Four simple words. It is printed in T-shirts, matches, mugs, caps etc. If you googled it you will get 64 million hits on the topic. I heard this phrase 37 years ago. And when I talk to people who are in the spiritual path I am told it is their favorite. Then I look around me, and I observed the people and their actions and their words - nope, this is not a simple thing to do or follow or observe. It is very complicated and at times it seems like you might think you are doing it and yet you are not. Why so?
Let's say for example a mother wanting to believe that her daughter/son cannot survive without her. The mother will then, be there for her child all the time, to the point of spoiling the child. The child having things come so easy will not learn to appreciate and value the time, effort, money and love that is being showered by the mother. I have seen some children grow up being abusive to their parents.
There was a case where a mother, turned over the house to her son only to have her pay rent in return (per the daughter-in-law) and when the mother could not take it anymore, she left and stayed with relatives rather than her son and daughter-in-law. She thought she was going to help them by turning over the house to them, but did she really? helped them kicked her out of her own house?
Several people who believed they are helping friends and relatives by lending them money or helping support them for years and years and yet not realizing that they are not really helping them grow - they are in fact tolerating them to become dependent on someone instead of being able to stand on their own feet.
How about people who cover up things for other people, believing they are helping them and yet in the end 2 wrongs don't make a right. This seems to be almost the same as telling a lie and then another lie to cover up the first lie and so on and so forth.
Why would this help ever and hurt never be together? Is it because every time we want to help someone, we must ask ourselves if the help that we think we are doing will not hurt anyone, not just the person who is being helped but the person who is helping and everyone else concerned?
Sounds good doesn't it? I noticed the problem with me is I am always ready and willing to help ever but now I realized that before I put that help into action I must ask first - "will this help not hurt anyone?" - if yes, then it is a go, else stop right there and watch and just be a witness.
But, isn't there a saying that by witnessing something and not helping, you become an accessory to that which you did not make an effort to help? Maybe. Maybe not. Someone once said (it might be Greg Braden) that the Tibetan Monk will always be willing to render help in anyways but at one time, there was a woman that was being raped and the monk did not do anything at all but went his merry way. Later when asked, he was told that there are events that we can interfere with and it will be OK, but there are events that we must not interfere with because it will change the whole scheme of things. Hm mm, something to think about especially those who always have this "grandiosity" in them who always want to meddle in other people's lives. That being said - we really must help ever as long as it does hurt never.
What about just doing hurt never, is that possible? I don't think so. I think those 4 words are really together like chopsuey. You cannot separate them. For example, someone who tried to cook and serve the food and when you tasted it, it is just not acceptable. If and when the cook asked you how it is, you will say it is alright because you do not want to hurt the person. But, it is indeed probably alright to at least one of the 6.5 billion people on the planet - so you are not really telling a lie and not only did you not hurt the person - you in fact help the person to become a better cook (if perhaps you have the guts to say "its alright, i bet you it would be fantastic if you add something or do so and so to it..." ha ha ha).
In cases of husbands or boyfriends who 's been asked by their partner to give their opinion about their looks or a dress or whatever - by not saying the truth (if it is going to hurt) then you are indeed helping not only yourself but also the other person and of course the relationship. Yet, there are those who say - tough love; the truth hurts; you got to be honest; there is a sin of commission and a sin of omission and by not saying it or not doing, it is still a sin. I disagree. My dearest teacher taught me that if you cannot say anything nice, don't say it. So, help ever hurt never. Don't even attempt to move your lips, let alone open your mouth if what will come out of it will hurt somebody somehow.
HELP EVER, HURT NEVER. And so it is.
Be happy, be happy, be happy
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